What a year it’s been.
I don’t often share a lot about my life outside of Fantasy Football in these posts, but under the circumstances I figure I might as well. In May I got to travel to New York for work and attend the Sports Emmys. Last September, I worked Noche UFC at Sphere (the first live sporting event in that venue) and I was the creative director for one of the shoots we had to do as part of that on top of producing a behind the scenes documentary about the event. It was a massive undertaking that I played a small part of but that small part allowed me to walk the red carpet where I won my first Emmy.
It was pretty sweet! I got to wear a suit and eat fancy dinners and when I got home I found out that a deal I had been working on with Fanatics got signed, meaning that I’m now in charge of UFC’s podcast portfolio. It’s a long term deal for a good sum of money (that I won’t see a dime of) and a number of shows I conceptualized are going to be made because of it. I even got to host a few podcast episodes opposite UFC Hall of Famers (which will go live later this year).
So that’s kind of cool and made for a really busy June. But then we hit July.
On July 7th, 2025, Deputy Commissioner Christa Brown gave birth to our first child, Lily. Lily emerged from the womb 6 weeks early. She weighed 4 pounds and 13 ounces and immediately flipped off the nurses attending to her.
We had read all the books. We had taken all the classes. I had practiced diaper changes and swaddling and CPR and none of it helped once she arrived because she moves a LOT more than a plastic, 1-pound doll.
But, over the last 6 weeks, we’ve adapted. I’ve taken on the night shift, meaning that I stay up until 3 or 4am feeding her bottles while Christa takes the mornings. We’ve figured out some of Lily’s quirks (she needs her hands free), her likes (caterpillar stuffed animals), and her dislikes (having her neck touched).
We haven’t mastered it by any means, but the days have slowed just a bit. One night, just last week, I was feeding her during my shift. It was a little after midnight when I pulled the bottle out of her mouth and went to burp her. I patted her back in the dark – The only sound in the house coming from my cupped hand hitting her back as he grunted with each blow.
After a minute or two, she burped and I pulled her off. Usually I lay her back down at that point so she can go back to sleep, but for some reason I just held her in my arms. I looked at her as she lay there and occasionally she’d peek to make sure I was still the one holding her. It was a rare, quiet moment between the two of us that I’ll never forget.
And that’s because she looked at me, just big enough for me to hold in one arm, and said “how the fuck did you lose the John Cunha Memorial Trophy?”
I looked at her, disgust growing on her tiny, little face. “You seriously had Jayden Daniels, Brian Thomas Jr., Derrick Henry, Terry McLaurin, Drake London, and David Montgomery and you let Uncle Jimmy take it from you?”
“Well, your Uncle Jimmy had Joe Burrow and Ja’Marr Chase and –“
“He had a POCKET PASSER and you let him win?”
I just looked at her. Her disgust shifted to rage and back until she closed her eyes.
“Send me back.”
“To the crib?”
“No, to the hospital. Mom can come but I’m going to live in a house of winners.”
“But I…I won an Emmy…”
“’I wON aN EmMy’ Do you even hear yourself? Do you even look yourself in the mirror, Nicholas? Just send me back.”
She kept her eyes closed and we sat in silence for awhile. I knew she wasn’t asleep because she wouldn’t shift and squawk like she normally does. She just lay in my trembling arms in the dark.
“But what’s the lesson?” I asked.
“The what?”
“The lesson. Every year when I do the Power Rankings I open it with a lesson.”
She didn’t answer. At least, not for awhile. I watched her stoic little face, unmoving and unflinching, until she opened her eyes to meet mine.
“Win or go the fuck home.”
Welcome to the 2025 Captain’s League Power Rankings. The fact that you’re reading this means that we’re mere days from football season and mere weeks away from a new TCL Champion. Congratulations to Jimmy for his first win last year. I hope that the John Cunha Memorial Trophy makes your children proud up there in Spokane.
Because of my feisty little newborn, I needed some help with the Power Rankings this year, and who better to help me than Interim Commissioner and 3x TCL Champion Will Brown? Will’s entries are italicized below.
For those of you who are new or who have been in the league for years without understanding how these rankings come to be, it’s simple: On the day of the draft, I input everyone’s teams into a number of sites. These sites give me some actionable data that I then plug into a formula I constructed (the Sproles Predictive Aggregate Ranking Kappa, or SPARK). Once I have each team’s SPARK score, I aggregate the predictive odds that each team has for making the Playoffs and then I rank them below in order of Highest 2 Lowest (in theaters now).
There is zero bias or personal input in these numbers. It is based solely on data that I got on Draft Day. If you want my personal feedback, trust me that you don’t.
I think that covers everything. Welcome back.
1.) Ball Quaeda (96.5 SPARK, 81% chance of Playoffs)
Will is many things: He’s a 3-time champion, an interim commissioner, an athlete. He’s a streamer, a cinephile, and now he’s number 1 in the preseason rankings. For a man with such an illustrious resume, it may come as a surprise to hear that this is only the second time that Will has gone into a season as the top-ranked roster.
His strategy is seemingly non-existent. Some years he leans RB (like Sean), some years WR (like Corey). He rarely reaches on a QB or a TE (like Lindy). He doesn’t salivate over rookies (Bobby B) or fan boy over his own team (Tim). No, instead he’s steadfast and relies on a strategy of letting the draft come to him.
He is consistently inconsistent. He has started 0-3 just as many times as he has 3-0. He has won the league coming into the season ranked #3, #6, and #7. He’s made the playoffs 6 times in 13 years. Call it lucky, call it unlucky. Call it what you will. But when you look at this roster, it’s easy to see the vision of a man who is tied for the most rings.
There is friskiness and value in Ashton Jeanty and Bucky Irving. There is a steady floor and heapings of upside in Nico Collins and Tee Higgins. There are fun lottery tickets in Drake Maye, Calvin Ridley, George Pickens, and “Evil” Quinshon Judkins. It’s a very Will team in that we have no idea how they’ll pan out but the upside is there and every single player is someone you’d want to watch.
These rankings are based on cold, hard numbers and not personal projection but it’s easy to see why Will was picked as the #1 team with a high chance of making playoffs: He’s got strong starters, he’s got depth, and he’s rigging the system. But more on that later...
2.) Hooked on Bonix (95 SPARK, 60% chance of Playoffs)
MASTERCLASS ALERT
Don’t let his absence fool you, Gabe had a tailor made draft strategy that had to be handcrafted by the man himself. Hours of research, dozens of mock drafts to perfect the round by round instructions (followed perfectly by the interim commissioner).
The only thing he couldn’t account for? The absolute serial killer level sick minds that fill The Captains League. Getting stuck with local blocker George Kittle at TE and missing out on the top 3 QBs really hurts, and did he really think Bobby B and Jimmy weren’t gonna start drafting defenses 4 rounds early? Regardless, Gabe has himself a great squadron that I could see him drafting even if he was present, putting him at rank 2 in the preseason rankings.
3A.) Sponsored By Will (92.75 SPARK, 81% chance of Playoffs)
BREAKING NEWS: For the first time since 2020 (where he briefly went from “Joe Buck Yourself” to “Jeff Buck Yourself” and back), Sean Brown has changed his team name. Was it of his own accord? Not necessarily. Sean was financially motivated to change his name.
We in the league office have been privately deliberating about whether to approve or whether to ban foreign entities from buying stakes in our league. Now, I believe that it’s a failure on our part to not have gotten ahead of this trend by issuing new amendments. However, never in our wildest dreams would we have anticipated a current team owner purchasing a stake of a DIFFERENT team.
Quite frankly, it’s sickening. It’s unfair and creates an imbalance. What do we do when the trade deadline approaches and Sean happens to trade his top players to Will for peanuts? I mean, it’s not like he hasn’t done this before! We all remember the Great Benjals Robbery of 2012!
And what do you know!? The same year that Will purchased an ownership stake in a 2nd team, he also voted to REMOVE VOTES ON TRADES – A vote meant to remove anti-corruption measures and to give more power to the commissioner. Remind me: Who volunteered to step in as interim commissioner the same year that these other changes were implemented?
We’re being taken advantage of. And, worst of all, it’s happening in plain sight. They’re daring us to say something. I’ve been fending off Saudi money for years (“Riyadh Season Mama’s Homemade Salsa” doesn’t exactly roll off the tongue) but when I step aside for one second corruption rears its ugly head.
How can we stop this? Or rather, how can I stop this? Lord knows how many of you are on the take and are benefitting from such obvious corruption. I mean, to allow Will’s name on the #1 AND #3 teams in the rankings? You can’t tell me that that’s not fishy. Yes, Sean’s roster is good. He took good players at spots that make sense, but you can’t tell me that Jimmy and Tim haven’t received gift baskets or envelopes of nonsequential bills just so that things fell the right way.
3B.) Mama’s Homemade Salsa (92.75 SPARK, 36% chance of Playoffs)
Derrick Henry is the ripe age of 31 years old and every year the same questions arise, is father time catching up to him? has the magic run out? is my goat washed? This is a common theme on Nick’s team: 28 year old DJ Moore, 30 year old Courtland Sutton, 35 (yes, THIRTY FIVE) year old Travis Kelce. These old bags of bones all have something to prove this season and so does Nicky B: has he gone soft? is he losing touch? is he a Derrick Henry Merchant?? At this point the rankings are on his side but only TIME will tell…
5.) Strictly Bangers Football Club (89.75 SPARK, 49% chance of Playoffs)
As a kid, I used to hear about this thing called “allowance.” Whether it be through schoolyard conversations or Nickelodeon dialogue, the term had worked its way into my repertoire. On a number of occasions, I went so far as to ask my parents if I could have an allowance. The answer was always the same.
“You do,” my dad said. “I invest it and you’ll get it when you turn 18.”
You see, my dad has somewhat of a passion for investing. He’d push us to invest as young as we could (we didn’t) and to be on the lookout for any companies we heard about that were on the verge of taking off, so to speak. He urged us to learn about the ins-and-outs of the stock market and, as someone with a whopping $1068 dollars in various stocks, I dare say that I’m an expert. So that’s why I’m going to pass my wisdom onto you free of charge.
The key to making money is value. That’s it. That’s the secret. What you want to do is find things that are not getting traded at the price that they should be valued at. Sometimes it’s pennies, sometimes it’s dollars, but you have to look for assets that the public will want before they know they want it. That inevitably requires education, perspective, and a whole lot of patience, but it’s a surefire way to turn a profit.
The great Warren Buffett once said that “The stock market is
a device to transfer money from the impatient to the patient.”
Bobby B, for those unaware, is arguably the least patient man to have ever existed. Whether it be hitting the road, grabbing a meal, or drafting a rookie running back who made a headline on FantasyPros.com 48 hours prior to your draft, Bobby B cannot fathom the concept of waiting for something. I thought that fishing was just tapping your watch while sitting near a body of water until I was in my twenties.
“RJ Harvey is going to be a stud,” he may argue. “Jaydon Blue is going to be a starter for the first since his Junior season at Klein Cain High School,” you may hear him scream. “Matthew Golden is big and strong and fast and will feast as a true wide receiver one,” he may shout while selectively skipping articles where Matt Lafleur explains his philosophy of spreading the ball around and constantly having fresh legs at receiver.
Each of those names could be studs, don’t get me wrong. Each and every one of them could be called on this year to produce and could come up big. But those names were taken over guys like Mike Evans, DK Metcalf, DJ Moore, Breece Hall, Deandre Swift, Devonta Smith, Jaylen Waddle, etc. All guys who have been top-15 at their position already in their NFL careers. Do we expect these guys to be top-15 at their position as rookies?
Maybe, but probably not. And hey, I like scratching lottery tickets as much as the next guy. But the idea is to take these guys when we are through the known commodities and are in the upside portion of the draft. If we reach, we do so by 10-or-so spots to make sure we get our guy while not burning a high-value pick on a what-if. I’ve only drafted rookies like De’von Achane, Sam Laporta, Brian Thomas Jr., and Jayden Daniels so what would I know?
And as if that’s not bad enough, Bobby B now finds himself halfway down the rankings after boasting that “I win when I’m last in the preseason rankings.” To make matters even worse, he was actually ranked #1, #4, and #9 in years where he has won it all. Tough out for the #5 team.
6.) CAN’T TOUCH THIS (88.25 SPARK, 60% chance of Playoffs)
Lindy arguably loves fantasy football more than anyone. Every year she sets aside time for her mock drafts. She reads, she looks into draft strategies, she finds out what ADP is and drops it into conversation. Even after the draft is over, she chops it up. She talks about players she wanted that were stolen from under her. She bemoans reaches and she pesters new fathers to take time away from their newborns in order to write up a blogpost on TheCaptainsLeague.com
She’s obsessed. And in a lot of ways that passion shines through. She knew she couldn’t go wrong with Justin Jefferson at 3. She knew that Josh Jacobs was the end of a tier break at the end of the 2nd round. She knew that if she didn’t take Josh Allen in the 3rd then none of the top QBs would make it back to her.
She knew that Rashid Shaheed puts up big plays as a lottery ticket, that Keon Coleman could emerge as Josh Allen’s #1 target, that Xavier Worthy could take a step up with Rasheed Rice suspended. She knew all these things and had written them down and had taken them to memory.
But did she understand?
Lindy’s starting running backs are Josh Jacobs and Alvin Kamara. Great football players. Hell, great running backs that I always root for. How can you not?
But her other running backs are Cam Skattebo and Ray Davis. Two guys with VERY undefined roles behind established talents. Could they emerge? Sure. But there are better odds that Josh Jacobs and Alvin Kamara take a step back than Cam Skattebo and Ray Davis becoming startable running backs.
That puts a BIG strain on your wide receivers to win you games and Justin Jefferson hasn’t practiced since July. His coach “hopes” he’s ready for Week One of the season. If he misses, Lindy’s starting wide receivers are DK Metcalf and Jaylen Waddle.
Last year I wrote up a big song and dance about Lindy always going 7-7 (or close to it). She far exceeded those expectations last year and tied her career high with 10 wins. If she reaches double-digit wins this year then I will dress my daughter up as a bee and hand deliver her to Lindy with a bottle of Chateau de Beaucastel Châteauneuf-du-Pape.
7.) New Blood (86.75 SPARK, 60% chance of Playoffs)
The Champ sure loves his champs. Jimmy opened his draft with 3 reigning Super Bowl Champions in Saquon Barkley, AJ Brown, and Jalen Hurts.
That sounds like a winning strategy to me. I mean, how can you beat a guy who gets points for every yard that the World Champions drum up? Well, OK sure, he’s almost guaranteed a loss during the Eagles’ BYE week, but I’ll take one loss for a free walk to the playoffs.
And yeah, I guess that losing your Offensive Coordinator to another team could sting but he was only the OC for one season. Before that Jalen Hurts “freelanced” and the team “defied the coaching staff” and ranked 15th in point differential and were 27th in turnovers per game.
But what am I saying? We all know that AJ Brown is a drama queen who demands targets and the Tush Push avoided a ban so Jimmy is bound to rake in points from his Big 3 while sniping studs like Chuba Hubbard, Tony Pollard, and Fantasy GOAT Kyle Pitts.
Either Jimmy sees something we don’t or he’s decided to
mercifully concede his efforts at being the first back-to-back champion.
8.) Wait and Pray (82.5 SPARK, 81% chance of Playoffs)
For years I have scratched my head while watching Tim draft 49er after 49er and today I just want to thank the rest of the league for saving this man from himself. Gabe taking Kittle and yours truly taking Juaun Jennings may have saved this mans Draft. Sure he took Christian McCaffrey who a mere 8 months ago many were saying he would never play football again without experimental German knee surgery, but who wouldn’t? That kids a ball player! Sure he took Ricky Pearsal who got shot in the chest less than a year ago but who wouldn’t? That kids a ball player! Sure he took Michael Pittman Jr. who is averaging 1 more TD than concussion per season but who wouldn’t? That kids a ball player!
Rankings be damned I think this team is Tim’s best he’s ever drafted and is a few breakouts away from competing, never change Tim!
9.) TBD (84.25 SPARK, 33% chance of Playoffs)
Jackie Robinson, Pocahontas, Corey Hewett, what do all
these names have in common? They are pioneers.
As a founding member of the league Corey has been there through eras, trade reform, the Darren Sproles first rounder, QBs early, QBs late, even the Mickey Mouse ring keepers season: but are we about to enter a new era? What Corey has done this draft has the potential to change The Captains League forever.
FIVE WIDE RECIEVERS in FIVE ROUNDS, I thought he was crazy, I thought he was trolling, I thought my eyes deceived me but when I saw Corey’s final roster I saw the vision. Analytics show that top WRs are more consistent than top RBs and if any of these mid round RBs pay off we may be looking at a MONSTER come week 5. Round that off with a steal at TE and a bigger steal at QB? The rankings don’t like it, but I’ll say it: I do.
10.) Fast Eddie (82.5 SPARK, 60% chance of Playoffs)
Eddie had a rough draft.
Let’s get a few things out of the way: Your draft ranking is naturally going to be deflated by these websites when you draft 10th overall. It’s just the way these sites crunch the numbers without taking draft position into account. Every 1st round pick will be punished for not being Bijan Robinson or JaMarr Chase, so obviously Eddie is at a disadvantage for having 9 players go before his turn.
Because of that, we need to realize that the analytics were naturally going to penalize him. That’s the good news.
The bad news is that Eddie drafted 10th last year and he wound up #1 in the Power Rankings, so clearly said penalty isn’t big enough to completely throw things off the rails. “But Nick! The rankings are made up anyways! The Sproles Predictive Aggregate Ranking Kappa? What the actual hell is that? It doesn’t mean anything and it holds no weight over how things end up!”
THAT’S WHERE YOU’RE WRONG! In my research, Eddie has actually been the gold standard of analytics for these power rankings. Since entering the league in 2015, Eddie has finished more than 4 spots of his preseason ONE time (and that includes the years where we had a 12-man league). He averages 2.6 spots, meaning that if he maintains his average he would finish 7th to end the year.
Now, historical data may not entirely dictate present performance, but while Eddie has some young studs in Treveyon Henderson and Colston Loveland, he’s also fallen to the classic pitfalls of early drafts. Since our draft on July 27, quite a few of Eddie’s higher profile players have fallen on draft boards.
|
Player |
Where they’re drafted |
Where Eddie took them |
|
De’Von Achane |
12 |
10 |
|
D’Andre Swift |
57 |
50 |
|
Zay Flowers |
55 |
51 |
|
Jordan Addison |
98 |
71 |
Is it an insurmountable climb to contention? Not at all. It’s a long season and this is all based on projection at this point until real games are played. Is it a good look? Not necessarily. These reaches are hard to swallow. Especially considering how strong of a drafter Eddie normally is. Are they as bad as Bobby B’s? Not even close.
