Lindy's Latte, Week Six

Lindy’s Latte – Week 6

It’s too early in the season to be in first place. Being on top in week 6 means there is no place to go but down! Not that I don’t have confidence in my Cobra Commanders, it’s just the way things work.

Welcome to a Saturday morning Latte break. I apologize to all the other punctual bloggers for my being late this week. Corey, thanks for the Hewett Humor. Not sure I would’ve made it through the Halloween extravaganza yesterday without it. Then came triple trouble with Nick posting his rankings and Will showing up to speak his smack-talk in person. Sean’s silence penetrates beyond the blog universe. I believe he’s secretly, singlehandedly trying to undo the entire system. Sean for Commissioner 2015! Sorry, Nick. Just playing with you.

I’m going to make this brief because I’m still barefoot, in the kitchen, but not cooking. Actually my entire identity and place in this family was questioned this morning when Sarah told me she would rather wait for Bobby B to get home and cook her breakfast than have me do it immediately—because he cooks a great breakfast! Like I said, there’s nowhere else to go but down.

First ranked Cobra Commanders (678 points) will be facing the fierce second ranked #Free Josh Gordan (663 points). The numbers predict a one point victory by CC, but that was before I forgot to pull Reggie Wayne before Thursday’s game! Dumb, dumb, dumb. I think Nick will have this one in an easy win. I’m not giving up, mind you.

Battles between husbands and wives can be brutal. Trust me, I know. Third ranked Luck Has It (650 points) will match up against sixth ranked Rank This (556 points). That’s nearly a 100 total point difference so far! The adjusted projected numbers for this week insist Cheryl will decimate Dave’s team. I’ll be visiting the Smith house to check for bruises. Go Cheryl!

Another matchup to beware of is between fourth ranked Strictly Bangers (formerly known as 53 Fire with 640 points) and eighth ranked Randy Savages (with 549 points). I’ve begged Bobby B to go easy on Will, but the mere fact he changed his team’s name just to toy with his youngest, indicates he will show no mercy. The numbers predict Bobby B will be this week’s high scorer and Will, well, won’t. Pull it together Will and do your stuff.

Fifth ranked Kessel Runners (580 points) should have a easy week against ninth ranked U Guessed It (528 points). Corey, I’m going to miss trying to figure out what your team name means! Sean, I hope I’m not jinxing you by predicting a huge win here. Corey has a great team and I know one of these days they’re going to rise up and put out the numbers they’re capable of.

It seems each week we must witness two brothers duking it out and this week is no different. Seventh ranked Hocka Flocka Flame (551 points) and tenth ranked Staff Infection (526 points) only have 25 points separating them so this should be a curious fight. I’ve learned not to trust Curt’s early week projections because he likes to swing in, stealthy when no one is watching, right before the game and bring in players we didn’t know he owned to pump up his team. Right now the adjusted projections have Matt with a distinct advantage. We’ll see!

Good luck to everyone. Since Bobby B’s breakfasts are so much better than mine I’ll leave the menu to him. I’ve heard whispering of French Toast and bacon and possibly some Kahlua slipped into the coffee, but we shall see.

Lindy (Melinda) Brown was once a well respected chef and hostess who enjoyed preparing food shaped like footballs. Unfortunately she’s been upstaged by Dirty Bob’s Café and may soon be retiring her apron.

Lindy's Latte - Week Five

So Maybe Pey-Pey isn’t the only trick this team has up its sleeve! I’ve had to put up with a lot of smack talk bout my boy over the years. Oh, she would never win if not for Pey-Pey. Oh Pey-Pey is the only player she cares about. While I didn’t achieve my goal of putting up the highest numbers in the history of the Captain’s League without my superstar, I did beat a team owned by a young man who stepped up to the plate and almost (ALMOST) beat me. And while we’re on the subject of a beating, what the heck happened to Tom Brady?!? He looked so nice in his suit, too. Poor boy—he’s available if anyone wants him!

I apologize for the tardiness of this blog. Bad form, I know, Corey. Oh, wait—where is your blog? I hope I Do Loathe Telling People About My Dismal Performance isn’t giving up already. Did you catch that exciting Raider game in London last week? The one where they drove down the field for a first possession touchdown! That game pretty much epitomizes the mood of this year’s fantasy football owners. Your team (or your opponent’s) team rushes out there for a quick lead and you’re all excited, sending smack-talk messages (or muttering obscenities) and then suddenly you take a sip of your Irish Coffee and look at the numbers and the everything has turned upside down. This might happen Sunday morning, afternoon, evening, or even Monday night! I’ve decided I’m not watching anymore. It’s too emotionally draining.

This week I’m going straight by the numbers, ESPN projections times the average differential between prior projections and actuals. No opinions on my part figured in.

First up is First place #Free Josh Gordan (even I was surprised he came out number 1 in my rankings with 578 points) vs. Sixth ranked Hocka Flocka Flame (with 445 points). While the trash talk has already started in this competition and rumor has it that several owners want to see #FJG go down, the numbers put Nick ahead. As much as I love you, Nick, remember that the more games you lose and the less points you score, the better chance those lower scoring teams have in making the playoffs. But kids, I don’t think Matt winning would help the standings much. More on that later.

Next we have Second place Cobra Commanders (yes, even without Pey-Pey they would’ve beat all but two teams last week,moved up the ranks and have 536 points) vs. Fourth place Luck Has It (with 520 points). By the numbers it’ll be very close but CCs should be victorious. That said, I know Cheryl and I was already sweating in my boots watching her team rack up points last week. No smack talk with the ladies. I wish Cheryl a good and fair game.

Third ranked 53 Fire (with 529 points) vs. Eighth ranked Staff Infection (with 426 points). The numbers indicate a huge whoopin by 53F. Only time will tell though. Last week both of these owners ponied up to the waiver wire ripped out huge numbers. 146 points with no one notable on your team, Bobby B? Nice example for the youngest Smith who is climbing out of his hole.

Not such a sure win is the matchup between Fifth ranked Kessel Runners (with 454 points) and Seventh ranked Rank This (with 427 points). By the numbers Sean has it by a few points. He needs the win more than Dave and has had a few bad weeks so I think he’ll probably pull this one out. Dave, we all appreciate your win against Matt last week but now it’s time to pay the piper.

As many have pointed out, a match up of fierce rivalry between Ninth ranked Randy Savages (with a 423 points, only four less than Dave) and Tenth ranked I Do Lose Pretty Thoroughly and Absolutely (with a mere 411 points) will keep us all on edge this weekend. The numbers say Will and we know from his razing two weeks ago that he’s capable of it. That bottom wrung may have a familiar comfort and appeal for Mr. Hewett, all the Versace paraphernalia and all, but I know this boy has a lot of fight left. It’ll be a fun one to watch.

This week Lindy will be serving these little tidbits with a delightful Chardonnay.

Come join us for a snack – no smack, please.

Cheers.

Lindy (Melinda) Brown has worked in conflict resolution for the past thirty years. Pretty amazing since she is only 35.

Lindy's Latte - Week 4

Have you seen the movie, “Night of The Living Dead?” Yes, sometimes the fallen rise. I’m obliged to give a huge shout out to Bobby B for stepping away from the edge of the cliff, dusting himself off and making it mean something to be a Brown again. Not just because he beat Dave, 2013 champion, but because even after losing his number one draft pick and Arian Foster—facing a seemingly unsurmountable point differential, he earned every point of his victory.   

And then there was Sean’s loss. No, I’m not sorry I won, but I admit to wanting to weep as he joined the Walking Dead after making a few hasty errors in choosing his starting lineup. I admit, he would have spanked the Cobra Commanders if only he’d thought things through. But he didn’t and I won. Yay.

Speaking of spankings, both Cheryl and Will deserve gold-plated paddles this week. I especially enjoyed the Randy Moss move. Does he even have a helmet anymore? Pads? I don’t mean Depends, either.

This week will weed out the lucky from the skilled. On to my rankings and projections.

Luck Has It, surprisingly is ranked number one with 442 points! Sorry Nick. I hope you get some good breakfast food in Tacoma. I can recommend some good greasy spoons. Don’t know of any good Irish Coffee pubs there though. This week Cheryl and Will face off for the battle of the golden paddles. Randy Savages has moved up to fourth place with 369 points. By pure projected points averaged by their differential alone, I’d put Cheryl to win this one. But I know Will has a few Savage moves in his pocket so I’m not too sure.

#Free Josh Gordan is now ranked number 2 with 412 points. He’s got an overdeveloped team for sure, but luck was not with him last week. I can’t imagine why he’d ridicule his mother for providing delicious breakfast foods, but apparently he couldn’t find much to else to criticize. Pey-Pey was off form last week and I still won. Unfortunately he’s up agains I Do Like To Play Accounting this week. Corey’s been struggling keeping up with his Fantasy Football team while being a super star at Price Waterhouse. But I think this might be his week. Ranked number 9 with 316 points, he’s  due for a win. My numerical projections give him 65 points to Nick’s 85 but we’ll see.

Sorry Cheryl, but I think the Luck is with Cobra Commanders this week. Ranked third with 389 points we’re playing without Pey-Pey and half of our team this week. But how fortunate to be playing Tenth ranked Staff Infection with a mere 288 points. At last look Curt hadn’t pulled in replacements for his Bye-week players. I hope you’re studying, Curt. Or maybe you thought we went to one of those “pick the loser” formats this year. We miss you.

Another Smith Family duel will have us on the edge of our seats this week. Hocka Flocka Flame, ranked Fifth with 361 points faces a surprisingly Eighth ranked Rank This with 329 points. The numbers have it close and I agree. But something tells me one of these guys will run off with a crazy, unprecedented win. Who will it be? Cheryl, are you serving filet mignon again? Maybe just one for the winner!

Bets are on if there will be anymore Irish Whiskey Birthday cake left by Sunday. But we’ll have some Irish Coffees with breakfast during the Raider game. God knows we’ll need it to digest that. And we’ll have these lovely snacks during the afternoon games.

Cheers!

Lindy (Melinda) Brown is a pseudo-professional golfer and frequent contributor to the Pillsbury Bake Off contest.

Lindy's Latte - Week Three

Let’s not discuss last week, except to say that I did not want to watch Monday night’s game. Being down Forty-some-odd points to Dave’s Rank This with only three players left to play would take the wind out of any owner’s sails. I sure understood how Tampa Bay felt last night! I mean, I hadn’t been worried whatsoever when Dave took an early lead early Sunday morning and my team only had one point. Hey, I had five well-healed players going in at the one o’clock hour. I wasn’t even worried around 3pm when ESPN kept lowering the projection for Cobra Commanders and raising it for Rank This. But by dinner-time I decided to focus on other things—red wine, white wine, maybe a little sparkling wine. No whining, though. By the time I went to bed I knew the week’s challenge was over and that My Commanders had let me down.

Monday night, I cooked a nice dinner, and took it outside for an al fresco dining experience away from the TV. Yes, wine was involved. I cozied up in a chair to read while Bob and Sean watched the game and tried to ignore Darren Sproles running down the field gaining me points. There was no way I could catch up to Dave. Then Sproles had the nerve to get a touchdown and some 25 points! Sean kept reminding me of his miraculous comeback in his other league the week before. Yes—it was possible to catch Dave. There was the possibility of overtime.

But let’s not talk about last week. Week three is still fresh, with only one game down. I resisted the prompt from ESPN to start Vincent Jackson because he let me down twice already. Of course his team was massacred on the field last night but somehow he came up with a season-high 7 points!

Using my point totals plus differential adjusted projections, here’s Lindy’s Line:

According to the numbers, #FreeJoshGordon (#1 with 350 points) should decimate Luck has It (#9 with 271 points) but after last night’s performance by Julio Jones, I have to give this one to Cheryl. Sorry Nick, that 32 points is going to be tough to beat! Love you.

Speaking of love, Sean’s Kessel Runners (#2 with 311 points), according to my differential adjustments, should have an easy victory over my Cobra Commanders (#4 with 291 points). But I cannot with good conscious make such a prediction. I’ve got a few moves left before Sunday and am confident my Cobra Commanders won’t let me down two weeks in a row.

I hate to consider the possibility of Rank This (#7 with 279 points) defeating my beloved husband’s 53 Fire (#6 with 283 points) (only I have the right to put them down). Yet without that bully Adrian Peterson, I can’t imagine 53 putting up enough points this week. Bob will be back with vengeance as he reshapes his team, but I don’t think this is his week. I hope I’m wrong.

The battle of Buffalo between Matt’s Hocka-Flocka-Flame (#8 with 272 points) and Corey’s I Do LTPA (#3 with 308 points) will be one to watch. My numbers have them in a dead tie. Both teams have their strengths, both owners are imposing opponents. Yet I Do Loathe To Play Again has too much to lose. Sorry, Matty Ice, even with your Iceman’s 24 points last night I’m predicting Corey to be victorious this week.

Finally, the faraway matchup between Freshman, Staff Infection (#5 with 290 points) vs. Randy Savages (#10 with 210 points). I cannot find words to describe the pain I feel for my youngest child. Never have I seen such a dismal performance as Will’s tame team. My heart begs me to show mercy and give him a big shout out to have his first win this week. Thank goodness I don’t listen to my heart. I do hope he wins, but Curt’s got it by the numbers and every way I look at it. Sorry, son. Love you and the banana bread is on its way.

This week Lindy will be serving Mimosas, Black & Tans, and Football Eggs (aka Scotch Eggs).

Cheers!

Lindy (Melinda) is a former special ops Navy Seal who still holds the record for sharp shooting, but now uses her talents keeping Bobby B in-line. Her children thank her for this.