Two years ago, Will, Corey, and I were fortunate enough to attend Life is Beautiful all 3 days. We were able to see musical acts like Lionel Richie, Outkast, and Kanye West.
As Kanye performed onstage, there was a pause in the music. He stood centerstage with the microphone in his hand and began to thank everyone for being there. Where most artists would have stopped though, Kanye continued. For 20 minutes.
I don't remember much of what was said, but one thing stood out to me: "This is a glorious occasion."
It was his wife's birthday, which he celebrated, but it was also a moment of someone truly appreciating the fruits of their labor. Here we were, standing in a crowd of people we didn't know, enjoying such a glorious occasion.
Every Sunday, in some small way, we are all able to partake in a similar celebration. The whole point of this league isn't to talk shit or to establish dominance over one another, it's to partake in something as a whole. As we all grow older and in different directions, we can rely on a few Sundays in the Fall where we celebrate what was, what is, and what will always be.
This weekend, and every weekend to come, is a glorious occasion. Enjoy it.
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This weekend's blog is obviously late, but I powered through and wrote a shorter one than usual. Enjoy:
1.) (LW #4) For Whom Le Bell Tolls, 2-0 [113.5 PPG, .230 NPRP]
THE KING OF THE LEAGUE BABY.
Not only did Nick take over the top spot in
the rankings with a dominant performance over the previous #1, but he also took
over the top all-time win/loss percentage over Melinda. The view is good from
the top.
Did I mention that I don’t even have LeVeon
yet? Silly me.
What can you say? I mean, Russell Wilson is
hurt and has hardly scored at all, the Crow is in midseason form (CUH CAW!) and
spirits are high as we head into another top-3 matchup against Eddie.
It’s going to be a tough week. I’m not
going to lie. But for now I’m going to just play loose and see what happens.
2.) (LW #3) Fast Eddie, 2-0 [112 PPG, .226 NPRP]
Last season Eddie started out 0-2, barely
missing the triple digit mark in both games. Week Three he faced off against a second-ranked
2-0 Nick Brown team where he would put up a career high 159 points.
Eddie would rub it in with phrases like “I
can’t believe I won that easy!” “I mean, my team is so bad!” and “Did you see
[insert garbage player]’s 80+ yard touchdown? haHAA!”
Nick would hold these moments closely, for
he knew a time would come when they would face off again, where he would seek
revenge. That revenge would come in Week 11, where Nick squeaked by 62-52.
This will be their 3rd matchup.
The slate is clean and Eddie is looking to take back the advantage. Fantasy
experts all week have pointed out that the top 2 fantasy players to own this
week are DeAngelo Williams and David Johnson. They both have easy matchups,
they both play for high-scoring offenses, and Eddie owns them both.
Realistically, there is no reason Eddie
should not win this game to become the king of the league…but I’m not worried.
Eddie does not have the better team. Even
if he wins this week, he loses DeAngelo Williams to my LeVeon Bell. Come week
13, Eddie’s team won’t be the high-scoring monster it is right now. And even in
it’s current state, he’s hardly won both games.
Win or lose, we all know Eddie isn’t a
contender yet. It’s up to him to prove it.
3.) (LW #5) The Real McCoys, 2-0 [105 PPG, .212 NPRP]
When I first saw Ryan’s team name, I was
really impressed that he pulled such a deep cut for a name. I mean, I thought I
was the only one who loved the Kim Basinger/Val Kilmer 1993 heist movie.
The plot is incredible. Kim Basinger is an
ex-con who is released from prison with a plan to go straight, but none other
than her parole officer reels her back in with one last heist. Amazing.
You were the world, Kim...
Anyways, you can imagine my disappointment
when I discovered that the Real McCoy means “the real deal.” But, I have to
say: The name fits.
Ryan has really put a quiet stamp on the
league since he came in. Last season he made playoffs after an incredible
6-game winning streak. After a 3-year Hewett drought, Ryan was over .500 in his
first year. Now he’s already 2-0 and averaging a steady 105 PPG even without
Gronk heading into a matchup into the already-dwindling Matt Smith.
Ryan will blow him out of the water and
move up at least one spot come next weekend, mark my words.
4.) (LW #2) Joe Buck Yourself, 2-0 [97.5 PPG, .197 NPRP]
The Birthday boy got an early present from
the league’s bottom dweller as he pulled off a scary 72-54 win. But no matter
the score, the defending champ will take any wins he can get after only scoring
4 total points from his top 2 picks through 2 weeks.
Sean may be 4th in the rankings
(ESPN even has him 2nd), but he’s 6th in scoring. He is,
however, the league leader in fewest points against. I’d hate to say this on
his birthday right after his top pick was placed on IR…but is Sean about to
have a lucky season? In both weeks 1 and 2 he has played a bottom-4 scoring
team (Dave and Corey).
Looking at Sean's strength of schedule like...
In fact, not a single one of Sean’s
opponents thus far has registered a win. The first team he’ll face that does?
Gabe, this week, with the 3rd lowest-scoring team in the league.
After this week he’ll have back-to-back
games against Ryan and Eddie, who are both currently undefeated. But Sean, for
now, stands as the lone undefeated team in his division. I don’t see a way this
dude doesn’t make playoffs, with or without AP.
5.) (LW #1) Chicken Sammy, 1-1 [119 PPG, .180 NPRP]
The sun was beginning to dip just over the
horizon as Matt got in his beamer. He flexed as he turned the keys, adjusting
his rear view mirror as the LED lit up with a teal “W” on the compass.
“Huh. I never knew the sun set in the West.
That’s cool.”
He smiled. You learn something new every
day, I suppose. He checked his phone as it vibrated to the sound of 5 text
messages:
“Great workout today Brojo Jojo” said some
dude named Kyle that Matt ditched the UFC Christmas party to eat tacos with.
“Hey boo. Jamaica or Bora Bora this
weekend?” said Margareth.
“Matt. I need help. I’m lost. Our train
back to Sweden got robbed and now I’m stu-“ Matt marked Curtis’ text as read as
he started to think about where he and Margie would go that weekend.
“I have always wanted to go listen to the
Dirty Heads,” he thought as he was leaning towards Jamaica. Matt backed his car
out of the 2 spots he was parked in and hopped on the road.
“Bora Bora does have some nice beaches
though”…he thought as his little tummy started to rumble.
“Better go get the usual.”
Matt banked right to pull into the Subway
parking lot by his house. As he got out he could smell the delicious deli meats
wafting in the air. This would be the post-workout meal of kings.
The bell jingled as he enter the sandwich
shop, immediately followed by the friendly greeting of the patron Sandwich
smith, Julio.
“Hello Mr. Matt!” said Julio, beaming in
the glow of the external dusk. “What’ll it be today?”
“Chicken Sammy, Number 9!” Matt exclaimed
much to Julio’s delight.
“Excellent choice, Mr. Matt!” Julio
responded as he applied his gloves.
Julio reached into the bread box and pulled
out a 10-inch footlong for Matt, slicing it along the seam like a skilled
receiver against a bad defense. But as Julio reached for the chicken breast, he
gasped.
“Oh No, Mr. Matt! The chicken is all gone!”
“What do you mean it’s all gone?”
“I mean we have no chicken breast, Mr.
Matt! We’re all out!”
“Then get me the rotisserie chicken.”
“All gone!”
“Buffalo?”
“All gone!”
“Barbecue?”
“Mr. Matt it’s all gone!”
Matt started to sweat profusely. What was
he going to do without his chicken Sammy? The room began to spin as he entered
a no-gainz-induced vertigo. In an effort to stabilize himself, he looked up at
the lone TV in the corner of the shop. For some reason they were airing the
daily wrap up on CNBC.
“And in shocking news, Chicken sales have
plummeted after a massive recall following the mass injury of chickens
everywhere. Just last week thousands of farms were reporting that their
chickens all suffered leg injuries that could halt chicken Sammy production for
the rest of the quarter.”
Matt began to weep. No chicken Sammy? But I
was the king! The king always has his chicken sammies!
“Mr. Matt…” Julio whispered as Matt turned
his teary gaze towards the register.
“That one was for Will.”
The King of the .500 teams was downed last
weekend as Matty Ice got beat by 127-92. That, folks, is what we call a barn
burner.
Matt’s team is projected to lose by almost
10 points this week, but I feel as though he’ll continue his downfall against
an undefeated Ryan.
6.) (LW #11) Roger Rodger, 1-1 [97 PPG, .147 NPRP]
Cheryl blew the doors off this week as she
took her husband’s team out to the trash heap. Scoring 44 more points than her
week 1 loss, it certainly feels like Cheryl is putting it all together.
With huge games from Forte, Tucker, and the
Broncos D/ST (and little to no help from her WRs) this is roster that is
dynamic enough to be a powerhouse as things come together. While she can’t
expect 30 points from Forte every week, A Rob and co will be scoring more to
balance things out.
Cheryl has also found her name in the top-6
again this season, meaning that she’s be in the playoffs if the season ended
right now. Knowing Cheryl’s capabilities and seeing her roster perform like
this, I’d say a playoff appearance is no stretch of the imagination. After all,
she is the only woman to hoist the trophy.
Cheryl coming on the scene like Jen after Brad's divorce
Cheryl doesn’t necessarily get a cupcake
matchp this week, but I’d say it’s at least a brownie game: She’s a 5 point
favorite against the Conservative Condor Bob Brown. Knowing Cheryl (and the
fact that she hasn’t lost to Bobby B since 2013), I’m giving her the edge here
in her quest for a second ring.
7.) (LW #7) Strictly Bangers, 1-1 [96 PPG, .146 NPRP]
The Reaganator almost did it again. With
one player left come Monday night, Bobby needed just a mere 3 points from Fat
Eddy to tie with Gabe. As I watched, all I wanted in this world was for Bobby B
to tie the game only to lose via a tiebreaker…unfortunately that didn’t happen.
I spoke to Robert about the possibility of
another tie, and if he would be voting for decimal scoring come next season. He
laughed at first and said “I’d probably wind up tying and losing only to find
out that I would have won without it.”
The whole point of decimal scoring is so ties wont happen...
Pessimistic thoughts from the man who
preaches optimism…
Robert faces off this week against a
resurgent Cheryl Smith, whom he had some fighting words for had Cheryl agreed
to attend the league potluck. Unfortunately we will all have to resort to Bobby
B complaining about getting double-digits from his running backs while TY
Hilton gets shut down and he loses by…let’s say…28?
8.) (LW #5) 1.21 Jiggawatts, 1-1 [82.5 PPG, .125 NPRP]
Gabe came into this season ready to set the
league on fire as a way to redeem himself after his 2012 season. After week one
we saw his hard work pay off as he cruised to a win…but as week two came to a
close we saw a wildly different team in a 71-68 loss. The scariest thing about
Gabe’s team isn’t his roster, however, it’s who he reminds me of.
Through 2 weeks, Gabe has added 18
different people to his roster, more than double the additions of second-place
Eddie (8). Gabe’s research come draft time played dividends, but it worries me
that Gabe is questioning his moves more than he is enjoying the fruits of his
labor.
Gabe managing his players
Eddie, Robert, Melinda…these are the owners
most commonly associated with the “Flavor of the Week” approach (picking up
whatever player did well the last weekend). Fortunately Gabe does not succumb
to this, as he instead adds sleeper fill-ins for injured players, but the path
may be just as turbulent as the more conventional school of waivers wire pickups.
No matter how Gabe plays this weekend
against undefeated Sean, we all know that he’ll be on top of Waivers come
Tuesday night. And this might be for the good of him and the league.
9.) (LW #9) Rank This, 0-2 [99 PPG, .100 NPRP]
Dave is 3rd all-time in Power
Rankings. He is 5th all-time in win percentage. And yet, over the
last 20 games (spanning back to 2014) Dave has only won 8 games. That’s only
40%. To put that into perspective, Corey “The Stepping Stone” Hewett has won 7
games during that same span, making Dave second-worst in the league.
How's that for a ranking, Dave?
If you were to ask Dave, he’d point out how
he’s been playing longer than ISIS has been in existence, and that he has 1
championship even though he’s half-blind from a lacrosse accident so he doesn’t
even watch football so much as he experiences it and blah blah blah. But in
reality, I think the numbers are reflecting what we’ve known all along: This
guy can’t compete.
If you were asked, gun to your head, who
the top 3 owners in this league are, Is Dave one of them? Is he top 5?
I know it’s early in the season, but let’s
look at his team thus far: Dave has 3 top-10 players. One is his kicker, which
is negligible. And the other two, as Dave’s classic ownership would have it,
play for the same team. THREE of his starters are in the 40-range, which is
miserable. He’s even set to start an injured player right now.
I know I begged and pleaded for him to stay
last week, but I have to ask: Is Dave already checked out?
10.) (LW #8) Schweddy Rawls, 0-2 [96.5 PPG, .098 NPRP]
As I have the past 2 weeks, I planned on
coming in here and blasting Lindy on her first 0-2 start. I wanted to lambast
her by pointing out that her passive aggressive reverse jinxes have slowly
become prophecies of her own demise, but let’s look at the bigger picture here:
This team is impressive.
Lindy is currently in possession of a
top-10 QB (despite drafting a QB last), a top-10 kicker, and 2 top-10 WRs. Her
tight end is as consistent as the day is long, and so is this team. In her two
losses, Lindy put up 97 points in a tiebreaking loss, and 96 points to a
red-hot Fast Eddie.
Over the past 4 years, no champion has ever
finished 1st or 2nd in total PPG. In fact, the champion
is usually 4th in scoring (an average rank of 4.25, to be precise).
Mom is currently 8th but, using standard deviation and understanding
that over the course of 13 weeks no team will average 120 PPG, she should
finish in the 4-6 range.
Tracking that as well as her current
record, Melinda is technically on pace for a deep playoff run if history
repeats itself (and she manages this roster correctly).
Laugh at her downfall as much as you like,
I sure am. But don’t be surprised if December brings the chill of Lindy’s
lattes and a playoff run.
With a few weeks like this sprinkled in
11.) (LW #12) Woody’s Roundup, 0-2 [78 PPG, .079 NPRP]
The tragedy that is Woody’s Roundup can
best be encapsulated by this weekend’s events. First, the namesake of Will’s
roster went down with a season-ending injury while his first overall pick
played in such a manner that the LA Rams’ head coach had to publicly say, “Trust
us, he’s good.”
Jeff Fischer processing anything
This isn’t even bringing up the fact that
Will’s RB2 AND WR1, Jonathan Stewart and Brandon Marshall, were also injured on
Sunday. During a brutal 2 weeks on the injury front, Will has taken the brunt
of it.
Still, with 3 injured players Will has
still avoided staying in last place for a third straight week, and that’s as
silver of a lining as I could find.
As we approach Week 3, Will faces off with
Melinda in Vegas’ sleeper game of the week, the loser of which will fall to 0-3
for the first time in their careers. Will William’s championship DNA pull out
the victory? Or will Lindy lay the whoopin on her baby boy?
12.) (LW #10) Langford Things, 0-2 [67 PPG, .068 NPRP]
We had a chance, people. With just the
Monday night game remaining, Corey led Sean 48-28, which would seemingly lead
to the lowest scoring finish in league history.
Unfortunately, Sean’s flock of Eagles had
to go off and give him enough points to comfortably defeat Corey, pushing him
to 0-2 for the 2nd straight year (and 4th time in 5
years). How can one team be so cursed?
I mean, what did Corey ever do to curse
himself so badly that he has found himself dead last for the 5th
consecutive year? What otherworldly power has cast Chip to the depths of the
league, scoring an abysmal 67 points per game? Whose fault is it that this
happens year after year?
I think we all know the obvious answer:
It’s his own fault. Corey has yet to accept the blame for these transgressions
against the league, a step that might be the first on his road to fantasy
recovery.
Is it his fault that ODB and Dez haven’t
scored points? Not at all. Is it his fault that his starting RBs play for two
of the worst teams in the league? Yes. I thought it was a bit of an overstep to
question his draft (one that I highly approved of), but maybe this team was a
bit of a mistake.
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