What's up readers? Hope you all have been keeping well.
Yes, I know I haven't been posting a blog.
It's not because I am busy it's because I simply don't care to write one anymore.
It was fun to write when I thought people actually read the blog but now that I have come to realization that no one reads this thing I just don't care anymore.
So for now on I won't be cranking out a weekly blog, I will just write when I feel like it or when someone requests some "Hewett Humor"
So for my good friend Melinda I will be cranking out a Corey's corner.
Here we go
Imagine if you will that everyone in this league owned a business.
Then imagine the strategies and decisions they make in our league would be the same strategies and decisions they make running there business.
In this blog I will talk about 3 interesting people in our league and how they would run there own personal business as if they were running a business like there fantasy owner self.
First a few notes,
To the parents of this blog, I will be making fun of your sons. I don't think any of your sons would ever run a business this way and believe everyone of your kiddies to be very intelligent. Don't take offense to this blog as it's just strictly for fun.
Next, I will be making a reference to the movie "gone girl", if you haven't seen it I would suggest not reading any further, as some spoilers will be mentioned.
Alright let's do it.
My first example will be Curtis.
Readers close your eyes and imagine our boy Curtis in a suit.
Now open your eyes and wake up from that nasty nightmare.
Wow, that was scary.
I hope we all have to never see that again.
See Curtis is a mans-man type guy. He reminds me a lot like his dad.
Both of these men aren't "corporate" guys. Dave is very successful but he isn't spending his days locked away in an office. He is grinding away on the streets with his own personal business.
This would be how I imagine Curtis's work life to go.
I imagine Curtis taking over his dad's business and single handedly running it into the ground only if he ran it just as he runs his fantasy team.
I like to imagine starting off, Curtis needs some money since business hasn't been as good.
He is searching for investors and is actually pitching his business strategy very well.
He tells everyone business will take off and everyone will get there money back plus some.
He finally gets the money and for the first few months he does exactly what he said he was going to do.
He kills it and everything is looking great.
Then one day he wakes up and he just stops giving a crap.
He doesn't show up to work anymore.
When he does go to work,he brings equipment that doesn't work.
He runs his business into the ground and ultimately commits bankruptcy.
Every year Curtis starts off hot and then he stops caring.
He just decides to not set a full lineup and plays people who are hurt.
He talks a big game and gets people excited but by week 5 it's all done.
Hopefully in real life Curtis will always finish the job.
My next example is myself.
Let me first tell you how I spend my day in real life and then how I would spend my day if I ran a business as if I ran my fantasy team.
Normal day:
6am- wake up
6-7- watch tv and drink coffee
7-7:05 - watch Matt sleep
7:05- 7:30- get ready for work
7:30-8:15 - commute to work
8:15-5:30PM - Work
5:30- 6:15- commute home
6:15-10- watch TV/eat dinner/ have me time
10-10:15- write down personal thoughts about Matt in my journal*
10:15-6AM - sleep
*i think Matt is trying to kill me. I have noticed he is been becoming more and more aggressive as of late. He pushed me on to my bed a few nights ago after I told him I think I wanted a child. I am becoming scared of this man. I never see him all day and when I do it's at night and he always says the same thing to me day after day. This one word. GAINS.
What is he gaining?
I don't get it.
Anyways that's my normal life just being a simple old accountant.
Now if I had my own accounting firm and I used the same strategies I use on my fantasy team, oh boy.
Here's how my day would look:
6AM- wake up
6-7AM- talk to my head hunters and see if we got any new prospects that would work well with my business
7AM-7:15- head to work
7:15-8AM- work the phones and whoever calls I would tell them I'm the best and that my services are essentially a "lock"
8AM-12PM- my business goes down in flames
12-1- start calling other business making ridiculous offers telling them they can buy my business for insane amounts of money
1-2- do some under the table things
2-3- IRS calls me to let me know that I can't keep doing these "under the table things"
3-4- go on MSNBC and slam the IRS for making up these insane rules and that I am getting screwed by these guys.
4-4:30- start planning my revenge on those who have wronged me.
4:30-4:45- start contemplating if I care too much about this
4:45- quit
Yeah see I am not a very good fantasy owner.
Honestly, I stink.
Now for one my favorite people in this whole world...... Bobby freaking B
Bobby B running a business with his FF ideologies would be hilarious
1. He would recognize a weakness in his business and would refuse to fix it. He would constantly complain about it but would never fix it.
2. He would refuse to actually sell or buy anything from anyone else. The best part is he has no reason on why he does this. He would just sit all day in his office taking calls from other business men and whenever they offered him something he would say "noooo" in a little kid voice.
3. Whenever his business would start to suffer he would complain like crazy. He would make comments like "Jordy in marketing isn't doing anything" or "my top sales guy just got busted for beating his kid but I'll keep him on the payroll because I support that" or "my top sales guy got arrested and this is unfair, my top competitor should give me some type of compensation"
Then finally when business is back on track he will jump out of his office chair and run thru the office with his shirt off screaming "jordyyyyyyyyyyyyyy".
4.whenever one of his lower level employees didn't do there job spectacular he would immediately fire them and look for a replacement.
5. He always give other competitors advice on how to better run there business and he would always talk to them like he is the best businessman in the world when clearly his business is just mediocre.
6. Most importantly, he refuses to prep for any meeting. He always tells others "I'll wing it"
7. When the fiscal year is over he will always think he had a fantastic year when he didn't.
Random man at the coffee shop: "oh you run a business, what was your profit last year"
Bob: "1 million dollars, some people say that's a lot"
*random man pulls up Roberts corp income statement and sees Roberts business had just scrapped by.
Business is easy, fantasy is tough
Corey Hewett- spends his weekdays from 8:30 to 5:30 doing something and getting money in return. He would like you all to know he is proud of Robert and all his accomplishments in his business life. Congrats again Bobby B.
Showing posts with label Corey's Corner. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Corey's Corner. Show all posts
Friday, October 10, 2014
Sunday, September 28, 2014
Corey's Corner - riVals: Part Dos.2
What up kids?
Hope everyone is having a great weekend so far. If you aren't well you should have tuned in to Wills dj set. The guy killed it and was spinning the hits all night long.
He dropped "all night long" by Lionel Richie and gave a shout out to Floyd Mayweather at the same time.
He is easily one of the best DJ's of all time.
If you don't believe me, here are some quotes from some famous people on Williams set.
"I liked that he played music" - Morgan Freeman
"Best of all time" - 2 CHAINZ
"It blew my mind" - Ulysses S. Grant
"He brought a real passion that I haven't heard in a while" - Corey Hewett
So as you can see my boy did a fantastic job and make sure to tune in next week from 8-10 PM
Alright readers let's get in to the next 2 biggest rivalries.
This league member is pretty new to our league and already has quite a presence in our league.
That member is......Cheryl Smith.
She talks a lot of trash and seems to have a lot of enemies.
Matt has told Nick and I that she calls us punk (expletive) behind our back.
She clearly has an aggression problem which leads her to developing a lot of enemies in this league.
But when it comes to her biggest rival well we have to go back in time to fully understand how much these two hate each other.
November, 1979
Cheryl approaches a young man and asks "hey can I borrow a pencil"
The man replies "only if you beat me in fantasy football"
That man as you all may have guessed is William Brown.
Yes, the famous dj chippy B is Cheryl's arch rival.
Why you ask?
Well these two just don't like each other.
Cheryl hates the fact that William always has perfect hair.
William hates the fact that Cheryl doesn't like the artist known as seal.
How could you not like kiss from a rose?
It's a classic Cheryl. Wake up.
I digress.
Sooo as you can see these two just hate each other and it leads to some very interesting games.
Next time these two square off tune in for.........Curtis Likes Me More Bowl
The next rivalry is between Corey and Dave.
I just have a tiny problem with Dave.
I think he raised Curtis to be a model citizen and used Matt kind of as a dummy to see what works and what doesn't. No problem.
I think he treats his wife with respect and he seems to always make her happy. No problem.
He has a cool house and once hosted a hamburger night which I received a scrumptious hamburger for dinner. No problem.
My problem with this man is the fact that he only plays when people talk trash about him.
I don't get it.
You are showing your sons a wrong way to act.
You need to have some self respect.
I am not going to go in depth about this because I told myself I will not talk trash about Dave.
I'll just say one thing.
I am coming for you Dave.
Sleep tight my prince.
See you next time in.....Rampage Jackson's "I want my belt back" classic.
Corey Hewett- just works. He would like you all to know that CG said the B word and is influencing Nick to say bad words as well.
Hope everyone is having a great weekend so far. If you aren't well you should have tuned in to Wills dj set. The guy killed it and was spinning the hits all night long.
He dropped "all night long" by Lionel Richie and gave a shout out to Floyd Mayweather at the same time.
He is easily one of the best DJ's of all time.
If you don't believe me, here are some quotes from some famous people on Williams set.
"I liked that he played music" - Morgan Freeman
"Best of all time" - 2 CHAINZ
"It blew my mind" - Ulysses S. Grant
"He brought a real passion that I haven't heard in a while" - Corey Hewett
So as you can see my boy did a fantastic job and make sure to tune in next week from 8-10 PM
Alright readers let's get in to the next 2 biggest rivalries.
This league member is pretty new to our league and already has quite a presence in our league.
That member is......Cheryl Smith.
She talks a lot of trash and seems to have a lot of enemies.
Matt has told Nick and I that she calls us punk (expletive) behind our back.
She clearly has an aggression problem which leads her to developing a lot of enemies in this league.
But when it comes to her biggest rival well we have to go back in time to fully understand how much these two hate each other.
November, 1979
Cheryl approaches a young man and asks "hey can I borrow a pencil"
The man replies "only if you beat me in fantasy football"
That man as you all may have guessed is William Brown.
Yes, the famous dj chippy B is Cheryl's arch rival.
Why you ask?
Well these two just don't like each other.
Cheryl hates the fact that William always has perfect hair.
William hates the fact that Cheryl doesn't like the artist known as seal.
How could you not like kiss from a rose?
It's a classic Cheryl. Wake up.
I digress.
Sooo as you can see these two just hate each other and it leads to some very interesting games.
Next time these two square off tune in for.........Curtis Likes Me More Bowl
The next rivalry is between Corey and Dave.
I just have a tiny problem with Dave.
I think he raised Curtis to be a model citizen and used Matt kind of as a dummy to see what works and what doesn't. No problem.
I think he treats his wife with respect and he seems to always make her happy. No problem.
He has a cool house and once hosted a hamburger night which I received a scrumptious hamburger for dinner. No problem.
My problem with this man is the fact that he only plays when people talk trash about him.
I don't get it.
You are showing your sons a wrong way to act.
You need to have some self respect.
I am not going to go in depth about this because I told myself I will not talk trash about Dave.
I'll just say one thing.
I am coming for you Dave.
Sleep tight my prince.
See you next time in.....Rampage Jackson's "I want my belt back" classic.
Corey Hewett- just works. He would like you all to know that CG said the B word and is influencing Nick to say bad words as well.
Thursday, September 25, 2014
Corey's Corner - riVals: Part Dos
How do you look yourself in the mirror?
Honestly, how?
Do you all just take a quick glance to avoid looking at the true you?
Your true and disturbing self.
Not one of you sent Matt a message encouraging him to write.
You all should be ashamed of yourself.
Just disgusting.
I'm out here pumping out 5000 words a week for everyone's entertainment and you couldn't do me one favor by sending a 5 second text to one of the most loved league members.
Just disgusting.
Honestly, how?
Do you all just take a quick glance to avoid looking at the true you?
Your true and disturbing self.
Not one of you sent Matt a message encouraging him to write.
You all should be ashamed of yourself.
Just disgusting.
I'm out here pumping out 5000 words a week for everyone's entertainment and you couldn't do me one favor by sending a 5 second text to one of the most loved league members.
Just disgusting.
Come on, mannnnn
Anyways readers, let's move on.
This week I am going to talk about everyone's true rivals. The person that brings you the most competition and really brings the devil out of you.
Anyways readers, let's move on.
This week I am going to talk about everyone's true rivals. The person that brings you the most competition and really brings the devil out of you.
I am going to make this a 3 part series. Today I will unveil 2 matchups, Saturday I will release two more and then Sunday I will talk about the most passionate rivalary in the league.
I am sorry you all have to suffer from these horrible writers who know nothing about deadlines and keeping promises, to make it up I hope these 3 seperate peices will bring you back next week. I really truly am sorry and can only hope that my above and beyond mentality will keep us alive. This is why I was voted 2013-2014 best blog of the year, 2013 most inspirational writer, 2013 most viewed blog writer and 2013 Mr. July in our captains league calendar.
Enjoy readers.
Let's start off first with Curtis Smith. Curtis is easily the biggest dark horse of this league. You truly have no idea what this man is thinking or doing. He has been in school for 10 plus years and still has no idea when or how to capitalize someone's name. He is just mysterious like that, like honestly what did you do in school for those 10 plus years?
I digress.
My man Curtis has quietly been in contention each and every year. He doesn't talk much trash and he doesn't really put up these gaudy numbers. He just constantly shows up right around playoff time and says "I guess I'll go to the playoffs and try to win a trophy so my dad will finally notice me".
The man is the definition of a dark horse.
He is respected but yet not feared.
He just waits in the shadows ready to strike.
But one member of our league always seems to has the solution for this dark horse.
That member is Melinda "itssssssssssss me" Brown.
I digress.
My man Curtis has quietly been in contention each and every year. He doesn't talk much trash and he doesn't really put up these gaudy numbers. He just constantly shows up right around playoff time and says "I guess I'll go to the playoffs and try to win a trophy so my dad will finally notice me".
The man is the definition of a dark horse.
He is respected but yet not feared.
He just waits in the shadows ready to strike.
But one member of our league always seems to has the solution for this dark horse.
That member is Melinda "itssssssssssss me" Brown.
Last year, these two slugged it out in two fantastic regular season match-ups. In the first game Melinda took the win by 3 points. If my memory serves me right, she won due to a stat correction and to this day Curtis still thinks Nick altered the stats.
Later on in the season these two meet up once again with this time Curtis taking the win and sending Melinda into depression.
It has been said that during her week 1 match in the playoffs up against Dave that she just wasn't herself.
Did Curtis cause her collapse? I THINK SO
tune in this week as these two square off in..............CM's Money in the Bank Match
The next rivalary is a good one laddies, Matt smith vs Robert Brown. 2 years ago when the league was first born we started out as the elite 8. In this league Matt got off to a blistering start going 4-1 in his first 5 games.
Well then Matt meet his arch rival, Robert. In week 6, robert destroyed the young man with the final score of 80 bobby b,-50 Matty Ice. After the massacre which is still today called the bloody shin, Matt went on a downward spiral. He finished the rest of the season with just 1 win. The worst part about this all was that towards the end of the season Matt still had a shot at making the playoffs but lost it because Robert struck once again with a week 13 obliteration. He caused Matt to suffer and when Matt had just a little bit of life left in him, Robert squished his dreams like a cockroach.
Moving on to the inagural year of the captains league, Robert and Matt faced of only once in the regular season with one of the games of the year. The score ended 100-100 and was settled in a tie of who had the most bench points. Once again Robert took this one and left Matt in the dumps.
Matt has almost beaten everyone in this league but Robert has the 3-0 lead adavantage on him.
Can Matt finally get some respect from Robert or will he continue to be dominated just like in the past?
I guess we will find out week 7 when hakka flocka flame goes against 53 fire in one of the most intense rivalaries.
Tune in for..........The Heavyweights Honor.
Tune in Saturday for the next two rivals.
Corey Hewett- does thing for a certain company. He would like you all to know that if he could go back in time he would chose any one of the times he went to the captains league only to find nothing new written. Your day worked for a newspaper for forever, he knows everything about deadlines, come on MAN.
Thursday, September 18, 2014
Corey's Corner - No Flex Zone
Welcome back to another edition of Corey's Corner. I hope you all had a great weekend and for those who spent it in Hawaii I am extremely jealous.
First, filet mignon and now Hawaii, seems to be getting a little out of hand.
Anyways I digress. It's me, your boy, back and better than ever. This weeks lesson is crucial so pay attention.
Readers, last year I taught you all about the definition of swag but this year I am going to up my game a bit.
I am going to teach you about a new fad that all the kiddies these days are talking about.
This fad is called being in a no flex zone.
Now the definition of a no flex zone is very simple. What it means to be in this zone is to not be fake. You are just yourself and you don't try to be something more than who you really are.
You don't flex your muscles to show off, you are just simply yourself.
Well my loyal readers, I tried to flex this past weekend.
I wasn't myself and I tried to get a little cute with my team.
In the end, it's what cost me the game. I had all the intentions of doing a little research about Brandon Marshall's injury but decided I wasn't going to do it because I wanted to play Cruz.
Why?
Well I wanted to take Robert's old player and use it against him. I wanted Robert to be just sickened by this and for him to cry.
Okay maybe not cry but to be sickened for sure.
But, it cost me the game.
Robert knew Cruz was just going to put up 5-7 points and he even called it during the game. He didn't care about my addition because he knew.
If I would have pulled Cruz for Brandon Marshall I would tied Robert but if I would have put in BM for Keenan Allen I would have won.
I flexed it cost me oh so dearly.
Robert didn't flex. He didn't get cute. He knew what he had and he made the proper adjustment. Robert was in a no flex zone. Just going to play his studs and put his faith in his players.
That's why Robert won and why I lost.
What I want to preach to all of you this week and for the rest of the season is to just be yourself. You all drafted a bunch of players that you believe in. Sure, some players may call other people the N word and others hit there wife's but you believed in these people. You invested in them and now you need to collect on your investment.
Matty ice you believed in Sammy Watkins, play him.
Sean you believed in Randall Cobb, play him. (Sean's other league).
Corey you believed in Brandon Marshall, play him.
So my readers I hope you take the stand with me and pledge to yourself that you will no longer flex this season. You will be yourself and continue to believe in your players.
Don't flex kids.
Some quick announcements:
1. (This part was written Monday/Tuesday) Readers let me apologize on the behalf of the Captains League Blog. We have two writers who just don't know anything about deadlines and it's just getting disrespectful. I don't know about you all but I always start my morning off by checking the blog for new material to read. Lately tho every Monday and Tuesday I jump on and see nothing new. These two writers should be ashamed of themselves and really need to learn a lesson about professionalism. Again I apologize and hope you all will forgive the writers of Will's Wizard Wednesday, Corey's Corner and Lindy's Latte as these writers are fully aware on when there blogs are due.
These two writers remind me of Matthew Berry on when he says he is going to release a top 200 every Tuesday but 3rd week into the season and he doesn't do it. It's shameful. Hopefully both of these writers release an apology to all of us because I know my loyal readers would be furious at me if I was ever late.
Just so you all know Corey's Corner is posted at 2 PM SHARP every Thursday. If you don't see it at that time it's because Nick didn't post it. In my line of work if I am past my deadline I will be fired. I wish I could live in this no consequences world these other writers live in but I digress.
(This part was written Wednesday)
(This is my text conversation with William right around lunch time, Wednesday)
Me: *checks watch* huh
Will: I never drop my blog this early
Me: What time do you release yours? Last year it was 8 AM
Will: I've been doing it at night
Will: 3 or later
Me: So I have to check all day to see when it's posted
Will: yes
Me: You are going to want to read my blog. I go off on Nick and Sean but I am about to just rip you a new one
Will is easily one of the worst people on plant earth.
The guy knows nothing about deadlines.
He doesn't care about his readers.
He makes us all check the blog every hour to see when he posts.
The guy has no respect or self-respect.
I wish he was banned from writing a blog but I have a commish who does nothing except post late blogs and our deputy commish does nothing except post late blogs. It's Roger Goodell and Roger Jr.
I think we can all honestly say we need a need commish. A man who knows something about deadlines and being professional. A commish who puts the people first and himself second.
Matt 2015. A fresh "FACE"
2. Congrats to William and Sean on there brand new jobs. I wish you both the best. From this day forward Corey's Corner will show full loyalty to Walker Furniture and KLMU. I hope my readers will head to Walker today to pick up a new couch and tune in every Friday night from 8-10 to KLMU as the other half of the worldwide famous Dj Chip Buckerman spins the hits.
I also just learned on this other blog that Matt has a job, so congrats to him. I sure am proud of these young men. To all my readers please send a congrats to these 3 gentleman.
3. Next week, I will be unveiling part 2 of the very popular rivalry blog written last year. This year I will be announcing each person's TRUE rival and will write a pretty lengthy piece on each match-up. Should be a good one.
4. Finally, I have been in talks with Matthew Smith about writing a blog and it looks like he is about 95% confirmed to writing a piece. Would you all please contact him and encourage him to write something. I think Matt's opinion would be very interesting to hear and has to the potential for being really funny. I am working on a name and idea for his blog and am torn between these 3 options:
Matty ice's 6 pack of questions. I imagine in this blog he would take 6 questions from the people in our league and answer each one in his own opinion.
Matt's Time of the Month. Every month Matt talks about the biggest moments that have happened and how he sees the league playing out.
Matt's Slam Dunk of the Week. Matt brings in an interesting twist to this whole ranking craze.
Again readers, reach out to Matt with words of encouragement and maybe even suggestions on what to write about. Support Matt just how you all support me.
With all that said, best of luck to everyone this week.
Corey Hewett- does things for a company. He would like you all to know that during the Raiders game, Robert Brown cheered when Arian Foster was rushing in for a 40 yard touchdown. The man claims to be a fan but was rooting for a opposing teams player to score on his team. To be fair, I rooted against the Raiders as well. Tune to my week 1 blog to understand how truly funny this whole situation is.
First, filet mignon and now Hawaii, seems to be getting a little out of hand.
Anyways I digress. It's me, your boy, back and better than ever. This weeks lesson is crucial so pay attention.
Readers, last year I taught you all about the definition of swag but this year I am going to up my game a bit.
I am going to teach you about a new fad that all the kiddies these days are talking about.
This fad is called being in a no flex zone.
Now the definition of a no flex zone is very simple. What it means to be in this zone is to not be fake. You are just yourself and you don't try to be something more than who you really are.
You don't flex your muscles to show off, you are just simply yourself.
Well my loyal readers, I tried to flex this past weekend.
I wasn't myself and I tried to get a little cute with my team.
In the end, it's what cost me the game. I had all the intentions of doing a little research about Brandon Marshall's injury but decided I wasn't going to do it because I wanted to play Cruz.
Why?
Well I wanted to take Robert's old player and use it against him. I wanted Robert to be just sickened by this and for him to cry.
Okay maybe not cry but to be sickened for sure.
But, it cost me the game.
Robert knew Cruz was just going to put up 5-7 points and he even called it during the game. He didn't care about my addition because he knew.
If I would have pulled Cruz for Brandon Marshall I would tied Robert but if I would have put in BM for Keenan Allen I would have won.
I flexed it cost me oh so dearly.
Robert didn't flex. He didn't get cute. He knew what he had and he made the proper adjustment. Robert was in a no flex zone. Just going to play his studs and put his faith in his players.
That's why Robert won and why I lost.
What I want to preach to all of you this week and for the rest of the season is to just be yourself. You all drafted a bunch of players that you believe in. Sure, some players may call other people the N word and others hit there wife's but you believed in these people. You invested in them and now you need to collect on your investment.
Matty ice you believed in Sammy Watkins, play him.
Sean you believed in Randall Cobb, play him. (Sean's other league).
Corey you believed in Brandon Marshall, play him.
So my readers I hope you take the stand with me and pledge to yourself that you will no longer flex this season. You will be yourself and continue to believe in your players.
Don't flex kids.
Some quick announcements:
1. (This part was written Monday/Tuesday) Readers let me apologize on the behalf of the Captains League Blog. We have two writers who just don't know anything about deadlines and it's just getting disrespectful. I don't know about you all but I always start my morning off by checking the blog for new material to read. Lately tho every Monday and Tuesday I jump on and see nothing new. These two writers should be ashamed of themselves and really need to learn a lesson about professionalism. Again I apologize and hope you all will forgive the writers of Will's Wizard Wednesday, Corey's Corner and Lindy's Latte as these writers are fully aware on when there blogs are due.
These two writers remind me of Matthew Berry on when he says he is going to release a top 200 every Tuesday but 3rd week into the season and he doesn't do it. It's shameful. Hopefully both of these writers release an apology to all of us because I know my loyal readers would be furious at me if I was ever late.
Just so you all know Corey's Corner is posted at 2 PM SHARP every Thursday. If you don't see it at that time it's because Nick didn't post it. In my line of work if I am past my deadline I will be fired. I wish I could live in this no consequences world these other writers live in but I digress.
(This part was written Wednesday)
(This is my text conversation with William right around lunch time, Wednesday)
Me: *checks watch* huh
Will: I never drop my blog this early
Me: What time do you release yours? Last year it was 8 AM
Will: I've been doing it at night
Will: 3 or later
Me: So I have to check all day to see when it's posted
Will: yes
Me: You are going to want to read my blog. I go off on Nick and Sean but I am about to just rip you a new one
Will is easily one of the worst people on plant earth.
The guy knows nothing about deadlines.
He doesn't care about his readers.
He makes us all check the blog every hour to see when he posts.
The guy has no respect or self-respect.
I wish he was banned from writing a blog but I have a commish who does nothing except post late blogs and our deputy commish does nothing except post late blogs. It's Roger Goodell and Roger Jr.
I think we can all honestly say we need a need commish. A man who knows something about deadlines and being professional. A commish who puts the people first and himself second.
Matt 2015. A fresh "FACE"
2. Congrats to William and Sean on there brand new jobs. I wish you both the best. From this day forward Corey's Corner will show full loyalty to Walker Furniture and KLMU. I hope my readers will head to Walker today to pick up a new couch and tune in every Friday night from 8-10 to KLMU as the other half of the worldwide famous Dj Chip Buckerman spins the hits.
I also just learned on this other blog that Matt has a job, so congrats to him. I sure am proud of these young men. To all my readers please send a congrats to these 3 gentleman.
3. Next week, I will be unveiling part 2 of the very popular rivalry blog written last year. This year I will be announcing each person's TRUE rival and will write a pretty lengthy piece on each match-up. Should be a good one.
4. Finally, I have been in talks with Matthew Smith about writing a blog and it looks like he is about 95% confirmed to writing a piece. Would you all please contact him and encourage him to write something. I think Matt's opinion would be very interesting to hear and has to the potential for being really funny. I am working on a name and idea for his blog and am torn between these 3 options:
Matty ice's 6 pack of questions. I imagine in this blog he would take 6 questions from the people in our league and answer each one in his own opinion.
Matt's Time of the Month. Every month Matt talks about the biggest moments that have happened and how he sees the league playing out.
Matt's Slam Dunk of the Week. Matt brings in an interesting twist to this whole ranking craze.
Again readers, reach out to Matt with words of encouragement and maybe even suggestions on what to write about. Support Matt just how you all support me.
With all that said, best of luck to everyone this week.
Corey Hewett- does things for a company. He would like you all to know that during the Raiders game, Robert Brown cheered when Arian Foster was rushing in for a 40 yard touchdown. The man claims to be a fan but was rooting for a opposing teams player to score on his team. To be fair, I rooted against the Raiders as well. Tune to my week 1 blog to understand how truly funny this whole situation is.
Thursday, September 11, 2014
Corey's Corner: "Robert Brown: The Only One"
Welcome back to Corey's Corner. Hope you all had a great time watching these week 1 games, I know I sure did.
My fellow readers, this week is going to be different. I would love to rip into other blog writers about the meaning of deadlines but nooooo. This week I will keep my mouth shut.
Why you ask?
Well because....
Recently I was told that my blog is "too mean" and "aggressive". This person told me I make fun of people too much and am just a straight up bully.
Would I agree with this loyal reader? Yes, I would.
Sometimes I take shots at people when they don't deserve it.
It's not to hurt them but it's to get laughter out of my readers.
3 years of misery. 2 people kicked out of the league. 1 person to save the day. Sean 2015 "easy as 1,2,3"
So when I heard that I was being too mean I knew I had to switch it up a bit.
This week I have decided to not be so brutal on other people but to be respectful. That's why this week I will write a piece chronicling the life of the great Robert "Bobbie B" Brown.
Mr. Brown voiced his opinion to me about being too harsh on other people and since he brings views to my page which brings advertising dollars into my pocket, I can hear him out. Since I respect this man's opinion so much, I will completely switch my blog for him.
After reading this feel free to leave a comment below to let me know if you like this style better or if you want your weekly lesson back.
With all that being said, enjoy!
Robert Brown was born at a Ruth Chris Steakhouse in Oakland, CA on December 25th, 1930. He was born into a family who would love him dearly but knew they had to raise this child in a tough manner. His father was very concerned that if he were to be raised as a softie that the streets of Oak-Town would devour him.
Since he was a young boy he was taught to never back down to anyone. No matter what happens or who it was, Robert would not be disrespected.
Mr. Brown was always known for his power rather than his speed in which he quickly gained respect from fellow gang members in the O-town area. Gang members throughout the community would always refer to Robert as "the red devil" or "the slippery snake". He would slowly realize that these weren't the names he wanted to be remembered by.
Soon thereafter, Robert dedicated himself to the gym. As a youngster he was known to spend countless amount of hours in the gym and sometimes would actually sleep inside. Robert was addicted to the gym and it became almost like a drug to him. He knew he needed to stay off the streets and in the gym so he could leave that God forsaken town.
Once at high school, Robert started to really transform as person and as a physical specimen.
It has been rumored that Robert in high school was at a grizzly 230 pounds with only 6% of body fat. The man was a straight beast. This body led him to become a 3 sport All-American. He was a specialist in football, basketball and wrestling.
There is a famous tale of Robert once guarding a soon to be NBA player and holding him to ONLY 40 points. Needless to say, Robert made California's All-Defensive team that year. But enough about basketball as Robert was most well-known for his skills in football.
His senior year the man recorded 127 tackles, 12 sacks, 6 forced fumbles and 2 interceptions. He was in one word: unstoppable.
Robert with his mind-blowing football skills landed a full ride scholarship to the prestigious Cal, Berkeley Univ. Once at Cal, Robert quickly learned some hard life lessons.
He was no longer the biggest man on campus. People on the team were much stronger than him so he was forced to develop his speed. Eventually Robert was known to run a 3.9 40-yard dash. The man became almost like a lion. He would stalk his prey (quarterback) like a gazelle and then attack with speed and power. He learned that he couldn't rely on his power and that he must adapt. He was finally taken out of his comfort zone and he adjusted just fine.
The man was starting to really develop and get some serious swagger
But this wasn't the hard lesson that would shape his life for forever.
Nooooooo it surely wasn't.
The lesson all takes place on his first unofficial date with Melinda Brown. See Robert with his speed and power became very cocky, girls would be all over him and he grew to love this affection since his parents always tried to raise him in a tough manner. The ladies were always asking Robert for his number or even for a date.
Robert was very careful on which ladies he were to pass his number out to. He didn't want crazy girls calling him all night and day. So even tho ladies were all over him he had to wait for the right one.
One day this right one crossed his eyes. As Robert was working at his local newspaper he noticed a pretty young thing working in the HR dept. He immediately walked over to her and said "let me guess, your name is Carol right?". She didn't even laugh and just responded saying "No, my name is Melinda, I am really busy." Robert completely oblivious to her lack of affection just kept being his super cocky self saying "do you know I can bench 325 pounds, that's a lot just so you know." Melinda just ignored him and soon Robert left her alone. Bobbie B decided from that moment that he was going to keep pressuring her till he got to know her better. So each day Robert would approach Melinda and try to start a conversation. Each day Robert would be super cocky and each day Melinda would ignore him.
Finally, one day Robert got his date but what he didn't know was that Melinda was planning to stand him up. She told him to meet her at the corner bus stop of 7th and Vine. He went to this bus stop right on time and waited. As the rain poured he just kept on waiting. Just waiting and waiting.
She didn't show.
To this day the REAL Robert Brown has never been found. R.I.P.
Corey Hewett- is an assurance associate for PwC. He would like you all to know he goes 0 to 100 real quick.
My fellow readers, this week is going to be different. I would love to rip into other blog writers about the meaning of deadlines but nooooo. This week I will keep my mouth shut.
Why you ask?
Well because....
Recently I was told that my blog is "too mean" and "aggressive". This person told me I make fun of people too much and am just a straight up bully.
Would I agree with this loyal reader? Yes, I would.
Sometimes I take shots at people when they don't deserve it.
It's not to hurt them but it's to get laughter out of my readers.
3 years of misery. 2 people kicked out of the league. 1 person to save the day. Sean 2015 "easy as 1,2,3"
So when I heard that I was being too mean I knew I had to switch it up a bit.
This week I have decided to not be so brutal on other people but to be respectful. That's why this week I will write a piece chronicling the life of the great Robert "Bobbie B" Brown.
Mr. Brown voiced his opinion to me about being too harsh on other people and since he brings views to my page which brings advertising dollars into my pocket, I can hear him out. Since I respect this man's opinion so much, I will completely switch my blog for him.
After reading this feel free to leave a comment below to let me know if you like this style better or if you want your weekly lesson back.
With all that being said, enjoy!
Part 1- The Birth of a Special Boy
Robert Brown was born at a Ruth Chris Steakhouse in Oakland, CA on December 25th, 1930. He was born into a family who would love him dearly but knew they had to raise this child in a tough manner. His father was very concerned that if he were to be raised as a softie that the streets of Oak-Town would devour him.
Since he was a young boy he was taught to never back down to anyone. No matter what happens or who it was, Robert would not be disrespected.
Mr. Brown was always known for his power rather than his speed in which he quickly gained respect from fellow gang members in the O-town area. Gang members throughout the community would always refer to Robert as "the red devil" or "the slippery snake". He would slowly realize that these weren't the names he wanted to be remembered by.
Soon thereafter, Robert dedicated himself to the gym. As a youngster he was known to spend countless amount of hours in the gym and sometimes would actually sleep inside. Robert was addicted to the gym and it became almost like a drug to him. He knew he needed to stay off the streets and in the gym so he could leave that God forsaken town.
Part 2- I see you now
Once at high school, Robert started to really transform as person and as a physical specimen.
It has been rumored that Robert in high school was at a grizzly 230 pounds with only 6% of body fat. The man was a straight beast. This body led him to become a 3 sport All-American. He was a specialist in football, basketball and wrestling.
There is a famous tale of Robert once guarding a soon to be NBA player and holding him to ONLY 40 points. Needless to say, Robert made California's All-Defensive team that year. But enough about basketball as Robert was most well-known for his skills in football.
His senior year the man recorded 127 tackles, 12 sacks, 6 forced fumbles and 2 interceptions. He was in one word: unstoppable.
Part 3- College and Confidence
Robert with his mind-blowing football skills landed a full ride scholarship to the prestigious Cal, Berkeley Univ. Once at Cal, Robert quickly learned some hard life lessons.
He was no longer the biggest man on campus. People on the team were much stronger than him so he was forced to develop his speed. Eventually Robert was known to run a 3.9 40-yard dash. The man became almost like a lion. He would stalk his prey (quarterback) like a gazelle and then attack with speed and power. He learned that he couldn't rely on his power and that he must adapt. He was finally taken out of his comfort zone and he adjusted just fine.
The man was starting to really develop and get some serious swagger
But this wasn't the hard lesson that would shape his life for forever.
Nooooooo it surely wasn't.
The lesson all takes place on his first unofficial date with Melinda Brown. See Robert with his speed and power became very cocky, girls would be all over him and he grew to love this affection since his parents always tried to raise him in a tough manner. The ladies were always asking Robert for his number or even for a date.
Robert was very careful on which ladies he were to pass his number out to. He didn't want crazy girls calling him all night and day. So even tho ladies were all over him he had to wait for the right one.
One day this right one crossed his eyes. As Robert was working at his local newspaper he noticed a pretty young thing working in the HR dept. He immediately walked over to her and said "let me guess, your name is Carol right?". She didn't even laugh and just responded saying "No, my name is Melinda, I am really busy." Robert completely oblivious to her lack of affection just kept being his super cocky self saying "do you know I can bench 325 pounds, that's a lot just so you know." Melinda just ignored him and soon Robert left her alone. Bobbie B decided from that moment that he was going to keep pressuring her till he got to know her better. So each day Robert would approach Melinda and try to start a conversation. Each day Robert would be super cocky and each day Melinda would ignore him.
Part 4- Raining at the bus stop
Finally, one day Robert got his date but what he didn't know was that Melinda was planning to stand him up. She told him to meet her at the corner bus stop of 7th and Vine. He went to this bus stop right on time and waited. As the rain poured he just kept on waiting. Just waiting and waiting.
She didn't show.
To this day the REAL Robert Brown has never been found. R.I.P.
Corey Hewett- is an assurance associate for PwC. He would like you all to know he goes 0 to 100 real quick.
Thursday, September 4, 2014
Corey's Corner - "5/13/14"
What's up readers? Welcome back to Corey's Corner, voted 2013-2014 best blog of the year.
First a couple announcements.
1. I have been told I hold on to grudges way too long so with that said I am not trying to get even with anyone in this league. It's all water under the bridge now.
2. It's very likely that I will make a comment about Sean Brown taking over as commish each week in my blog. It's not because I think Nick is doing a bad job. He is a great commish who is starting to conform to my ideas of a pure dictator. Just so you all aware if I offer you a trade this year for one of my players for a conditional 2015 pick, I will be kicked out of the league and you will lose that 2015 pick. This wasn't something we all voted for, this was a call our all-mighty commish made. Praise be to Nick, for he is King.
I want to make this perfectly clear to Nick and to everyone, this is not to spite Nick, it is for personal fun. Will and I are the bad boys of the league who try to shake things up. We don't hate Nick at all, we just want anarchy. When Sean becomes commish we will immediately start pushing for Nick to reclaim this throne. I can see it now #imcominghome-p.2.
3. Being "too busy" is not an excuse for writing a blog. The only people who have a pass on writing a blog is Melinda and Cheryl because being a mother is a 24 hour job and I know how difficult your sons can be sometimes.
4. The defending champion Dave Smith is someone I admire so in this blog you will never see one bad word written about him. I believe each week last year, all the bloggers wrote negative things about him and he just became more and more motivated. I will not fuel the fire anymore.
5. Immmmmmm backkkkkk.
Announcements are done, let's get into it.
In this blog I am going to talk about two things. The first is about the art of chocking and the second is about the curse.
Stay tuned till the end because it has a lot of life lessons I think you all need to be aware of.
Written below is a sample of what I wrote after the Clippers lost game 5 of the western conference semifinals. Enjoy!
Readers, I am currently writing this blog at 12:19 in the morning on 5/14/14.
Why you ask?
Well it's because I just witnessed one of the biggest chokes of all time. My favorite team of all time just threw away a 3-2 series lead and most likely just threw away there whole season.
CP3 just completely embarrassed the organization and himself.
Up 8 points with 42 seconds left and we let it slip away.
CHOKE.
Readers, I feel like someone ripped my heart out and just stomped on it. I could taste the western conf finals and now I can only feel what I always feel from the Clippers: disappointment.
CHOKE
It sucks, it really does.
Being a true fan takes a lot of commitment. I wish I could be like Nicky B and Bobby B who only cheer for there teams when they are winning. I wish I could be like CG who now all of a sudden loves the Seahawks. I wish I could be like Cheryl who has never visited Indy but now loves the team since they have Luck. I will always remember the day they lost Peyton Manning and Cheryl told me she was thinking about being a Saints fan. These fake fans listed above don't know what it's like to go thru losing seasons. They tune out when there teams are garbage and just jump on to another bandwagon.
They have never experienced a true choke moment like my team just experienced.
To put your time and energy into a whole season and just to see it result in nothing is so brutal.
It's like dating a girl for years only to find out she's been cheating behind your back this whole time.
It's like getting up each morning to eat a healthy b-fast with a nice protein shake only to find out that it isn't protein you have been putting into your shakes. (Sorry, Matt).
It's like going to college at LMU or GU only to find out that Cal is a way better school. (Sorry, William and Nick)
It's wasting your time for nothing.
It's like, Fantasy Football.
10 people will enter the league with aspirations to become champion but when it's all said and done only 1 person will raise that trophy above there head.
The person who wins is going to be someone who plays flawless. That person won't make mistakes and will be on point all year.
Folks, last year I preached to you the lesson of not quitting but this year I am going to preach another lesson.
Don't choke.
You only have 13 weeks to make playoffs so each and every week is important.
You can't make bonehead moves and expect to win.
You can't walk downstairs only to see your son sipping coffee with a puzzled look on his face and when you ask him why he's so confused he responds "the best part of waking up, is starting Calvin Johnson on your bench."
You can't be up almost 40 points on your rival and then allow one man to score 42 points on you which ultimately lead to the loss and another year of missing out on playoffs.
You can't have one of the most feared WR corps in all of fantasy football history but then let a simple prop bet get in your way of picking up a running back and chasing down history.
You can't constantly have the best team every year and spend countless amounts of hours doing pointless fantasy research only to choke in the playoffs every year.
You just can't choke like that.
If you want to be like the immortal Dave Smith, you just can't choke.
Now readers if you are asking yourself, how do I not choke? The answer is simple, you need to break the curse you have.
I truly believe the clippers curse was because of Donald Sterling. He was the biggest racist and just completely brought some negative vibes to our team. The biggest cherry on top of his long reign of destroying our franchise was when the whole racist scandal came out during a heated series with the GSW. It threw our team completely off and made us lose our focus. He ruined the organization for so long and am just happy he can't curse us anymore.
So readers do me a favor and think about something that is brining negative vibes to your life. What is the curse that keeps haunting you. Think hard about it and then decide that today you are going to do everything in your power to shake that curse.
Could it be that you bring yourself negative vibes when you constantly rank yourself #1 in every ranking?
Could it be a lack of an extracurricular activity?
Could it be my blog?
Readers, get rid of this evil curse that is haunting you.
Shake the bad vibes.
The message is simple: shake the Curse, don't Choke and the Championship is yours.
C.C.C.
Best of luck to everyone this season and may be the best owner win.
Corey is an assurance associate at PricewaterhouseCoopers and would like to remind you all that my team name is very inappropriate and is only being used because my late uncle would always use this name. RIP to my all-time favorite Marian Lyman and my sports fanatic Uncle Bob.
First a couple announcements.
1. I have been told I hold on to grudges way too long so with that said I am not trying to get even with anyone in this league. It's all water under the bridge now.
2. It's very likely that I will make a comment about Sean Brown taking over as commish each week in my blog. It's not because I think Nick is doing a bad job. He is a great commish who is starting to conform to my ideas of a pure dictator. Just so you all aware if I offer you a trade this year for one of my players for a conditional 2015 pick, I will be kicked out of the league and you will lose that 2015 pick. This wasn't something we all voted for, this was a call our all-mighty commish made. Praise be to Nick, for he is King.
I want to make this perfectly clear to Nick and to everyone, this is not to spite Nick, it is for personal fun. Will and I are the bad boys of the league who try to shake things up. We don't hate Nick at all, we just want anarchy. When Sean becomes commish we will immediately start pushing for Nick to reclaim this throne. I can see it now #imcominghome-p.2.
3. Being "too busy" is not an excuse for writing a blog. The only people who have a pass on writing a blog is Melinda and Cheryl because being a mother is a 24 hour job and I know how difficult your sons can be sometimes.
4. The defending champion Dave Smith is someone I admire so in this blog you will never see one bad word written about him. I believe each week last year, all the bloggers wrote negative things about him and he just became more and more motivated. I will not fuel the fire anymore.
5. Immmmmmm backkkkkk.
Announcements are done, let's get into it.
In this blog I am going to talk about two things. The first is about the art of chocking and the second is about the curse.
Stay tuned till the end because it has a lot of life lessons I think you all need to be aware of.
Written below is a sample of what I wrote after the Clippers lost game 5 of the western conference semifinals. Enjoy!
Readers, I am currently writing this blog at 12:19 in the morning on 5/14/14.
Why you ask?
Well it's because I just witnessed one of the biggest chokes of all time. My favorite team of all time just threw away a 3-2 series lead and most likely just threw away there whole season.
CP3 just completely embarrassed the organization and himself.
Up 8 points with 42 seconds left and we let it slip away.
CHOKE.
Readers, I feel like someone ripped my heart out and just stomped on it. I could taste the western conf finals and now I can only feel what I always feel from the Clippers: disappointment.
CHOKE
It sucks, it really does.
Being a true fan takes a lot of commitment. I wish I could be like Nicky B and Bobby B who only cheer for there teams when they are winning. I wish I could be like CG who now all of a sudden loves the Seahawks. I wish I could be like Cheryl who has never visited Indy but now loves the team since they have Luck. I will always remember the day they lost Peyton Manning and Cheryl told me she was thinking about being a Saints fan. These fake fans listed above don't know what it's like to go thru losing seasons. They tune out when there teams are garbage and just jump on to another bandwagon.
They have never experienced a true choke moment like my team just experienced.
To put your time and energy into a whole season and just to see it result in nothing is so brutal.
It's like dating a girl for years only to find out she's been cheating behind your back this whole time.
It's like getting up each morning to eat a healthy b-fast with a nice protein shake only to find out that it isn't protein you have been putting into your shakes. (Sorry, Matt).
It's like going to college at LMU or GU only to find out that Cal is a way better school. (Sorry, William and Nick)
It's wasting your time for nothing.
It's like, Fantasy Football.
10 people will enter the league with aspirations to become champion but when it's all said and done only 1 person will raise that trophy above there head.
The person who wins is going to be someone who plays flawless. That person won't make mistakes and will be on point all year.
Folks, last year I preached to you the lesson of not quitting but this year I am going to preach another lesson.
Don't choke.
You only have 13 weeks to make playoffs so each and every week is important.
You can't make bonehead moves and expect to win.
You can't walk downstairs only to see your son sipping coffee with a puzzled look on his face and when you ask him why he's so confused he responds "the best part of waking up, is starting Calvin Johnson on your bench."
You can't be up almost 40 points on your rival and then allow one man to score 42 points on you which ultimately lead to the loss and another year of missing out on playoffs.
You can't have one of the most feared WR corps in all of fantasy football history but then let a simple prop bet get in your way of picking up a running back and chasing down history.
You can't constantly have the best team every year and spend countless amounts of hours doing pointless fantasy research only to choke in the playoffs every year.
You just can't choke like that.
If you want to be like the immortal Dave Smith, you just can't choke.
Now readers if you are asking yourself, how do I not choke? The answer is simple, you need to break the curse you have.
I truly believe the clippers curse was because of Donald Sterling. He was the biggest racist and just completely brought some negative vibes to our team. The biggest cherry on top of his long reign of destroying our franchise was when the whole racist scandal came out during a heated series with the GSW. It threw our team completely off and made us lose our focus. He ruined the organization for so long and am just happy he can't curse us anymore.
So readers do me a favor and think about something that is brining negative vibes to your life. What is the curse that keeps haunting you. Think hard about it and then decide that today you are going to do everything in your power to shake that curse.
Could it be that you bring yourself negative vibes when you constantly rank yourself #1 in every ranking?
Could it be a lack of an extracurricular activity?
Could it be my blog?
Readers, get rid of this evil curse that is haunting you.
Shake the bad vibes.
The message is simple: shake the Curse, don't Choke and the Championship is yours.
C.C.C.
Best of luck to everyone this season and may be the best owner win.
Corey is an assurance associate at PricewaterhouseCoopers and would like to remind you all that my team name is very inappropriate and is only being used because my late uncle would always use this name. RIP to my all-time favorite Marian Lyman and my sports fanatic Uncle Bob.
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