1.) (LW #1) #FreeJoshGordon, 3-1 [114.5 PPG, .211 NPRP]
The dream continues.
After another successful rivalry game, Nick
moves to 8-0 all-time against Corey Hewett, and 3-0 this season in his quest
for the belt. And while it may be too late for an undefeated season, there’s no
doubt that this could be a magical one.
Following the brutal loss to Cheryl, Nick
Brown took a little trip. And, while he told most of you of this “wedding” he
was attending, it’s time to reveal that as a bit of a ruze.
No, instead, Nick Brown caught an early
morning flight to Tibet, where he set out on a quest to center himself.
He ascended to the Potala Palace, seeking
refuge from the elements. It was there that he spent 3 days in complete
silence. With no player playing on Thursday, he began his meditation.
He envisioned a crown of gold and emeralds,
and a belt of leather adorned with golden plates. But, on the 3rd
day, he saw a golden pillar capped by a faceless man. When he opened his eyes,
his enlightened gaze was met by the Dalai Lama himself. And, for the first time
in days, he spoke of the only question there was to ask:
“What does it mean?”
The Dalai Lama smiled and said, “John Kunha
is yours.”
Before Nick could respond, he was presented
with some hot tea to replentish his soul. He took one sip and was awoken on
Sunday morning.
He checked his lineup: Corey may have taken
4 defenses, but he didn’t pick up the only one I wanted: The Colts.
He may have picked up the kicker I drafted,
but he couldn’t take my kicker: Parkey.
And he may have talked a big game, but he
could not take this week from me.
So who’s up next? Well, wouldn’t you know
that it is none other that reigning King of the Condo, Matthew Smith. We’d be
visiting Matt’s team next, but apparently a lumberjack visited the rankings
this week.
Nick is favored by 28 points this week.
We’ll see if it’s that close.
2.) (LW #3) Cobra Commanders, 3-1 [107 PPG, .197 NPRP]
Interesting. Very interesting.
With her beloved Broncos on BYE this
weekend, Lindy has somehow scored her second most points all season. Even with
a strong showing from former last-place Staff Infection, 120 points is hard to
top.
This outburst, paired with the long overdue
loss of Matthew Smith, has propelled the young author to #2 in the Power
Rankings once again. And now, with one spot left to ascend and 8 games to go,
Melinda moves into her final form with the full strength of Peyton Manning.
So what is next for the league’s leading
lady and frontrunner for the Pillsbury Bake-Off?
It's me, bitch
Naturally, fate has decided to have the
surging Cheryl Smith step in. Will this be tumultuous to Melinda’s championship
hopes? Or will Melinda pull the rug out under Cheryl’s sprint to the top?
1.) (LW #4) 53 Fire, 3-1 [104.75 PPG, .193 NPRP]
Last week, Robert Brown came back to defeat
Corey Hewett in dramatic fashion. One thing I forgot to mention about said
upset was that Robert Brown has lost EVERYONE. No RG3, no Adrian Peterson, and
(at the time) no Arian Foster.
And yet, it seems that Bobby B doesn’t need
any of them. Instead, he needs something else…
CHOO CHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
GET THE COAL, KIDS. BOBBY B IS ABOARD THE
PAIN TRAIN.
Call him Thomas because he will cast you down beyond Hell.
Looks like Mr. Big Time took that
non-profit signing bonus and invested it in some track, cheap foreign labor,
and a conducter’s hat, because this man is on a roll!!!
142 points?!? Bobby B hasn’t put in a
performance like that since ’78. I’m not even sure how he managed that without
his first-round pick, but you have to hand it to the guy.
And to top it all off, he’s got an easy
matchup this week against Curtis. Who knows, maybe we’ll see the man ride this
train to the top by next week.
[Editor's Note: Bobby B has been requesting special privilege for Adrian Peterson and/or a trade. If you would like to make an offer, feel free to do so.]
4.) (LW #5) Luck Has It, 2-2 [105.75 PPG, .167 NPRP]
Cheryl’s surge continues as she puts up
triple digits against Will and maintains her reign of making grown men want to cry.
I think it’s important to note that
Cheryl’s rise to power hasn’t been based on luck. It’s been based on Luck and
consistent output from all of her players.
Her running backs dominated, her receivers
were respectable, and she very nearly set an ideal lineup. And Luck-ily, her
stud quarterback has another easy matchup this weekend against the Ravens.
Cheryl has to fend off one of her biggest
rivals this weekend, as she takes on the only other mother in the league.
5.) (LW #2) Hakka Flocka Flame, 3-1 [87.75 PPG, .162 NPRP]
Hey Matt, I thought you were supposed to
win with only 86 points? That’s your thing, right?
I mean, your team didn’t do anything, but
when does it ever?
Matt, Monday night (and almost every day)
Here’s a fun fact for you: if you had won
this week with the same score, you still would have dropped to 4th
place despite the undefeated record. While that may sound harsh, a sub-88 PPG
is unprecedented amongst teams with a winning record.
So what IS wrong with your team? Actually,
let’s talk about what’s right: First, Giovani Bernard was a good selection. I
still would have taken him in the second, but he has been at least performing
for you. Second, Matt Ryan seems to be
having a career year.
Now for some bad news: Matty Ice lost his
center to IR this past weekend, which means more pressure. And even if his
nickname has ice in it, his veins don’t. The guy will be under more pressure
than usual, and with a questionable run game it’ll be tough for Matt’s “stud”
quarterback to put up his mediocre numbers like he usually has.
Now all these questions about Matt’s
questionable team raises one more: Can he score more than 100 points this week?
Will he receive the beat down he deserves this week or will he get lucky and
somehow pump out the most points Matt has ever scored in fantasy (115, for the
record)?
6.) (LW #9) Rank This, 2-2 [84.5 PPG, .134 NPRP]
I called Dave this past week with an offer:
Beat Matt, get respect. And oh boy, the respect is coming.
Have you ever met someone as hard-working
and versatile as Dave Smith? The man is a former college athlete, race car
driver, salesman, mechanic, and he has succeeded at every single one.
Dave Smith, age 1
Sure, we have mocked his first-round
selection of Darren Sproles last season, but Dave clearly had a plan and he
executed it: He didn’t give in to the pressure and the mockery given to him by
the league. He knew the players he wanted and he took them when he wanted.
In fact, Dave’s strategy has been utilized
like he was Billy Beane. Where Dave took numerous Saints last season, Melinda
has decided to load her squad wih Broncos. Where Dave ignored the draft’s dress
code last season, Will followed suit(less) this year.
Dave sets trends, and he certainly did it
again this week by coming back on Monday Night to take down the last undefeated
team. Well done, David Smith.
Dave takes on Sean this week, who believes
he needs to “win out,” but more on that later.
7.) (LW #6) Kessel Runners, 1-3 [90.25 PPG, .119 NPRP]
Sean has stopped believing. 2 weeks after
starting the OFFICIAL Captain’s League twitter account (@CaptainsLeague, give
it a follow), the man feels as though he is in the dumps.
His reasoning? Last year he had a strong
record and didn’t make playoffs. He’s already dropped 3 and that has led to him
dropping all of his confidence.
But why, Sean? You’re in 7th
right now. You have 8 weeks to rise 3 or 4 spots against the likes of: Matt,
Dave, Bobby B, and Cheryl? Let’s take a look at that roster, young man.
Firstly, your running backs are solid:
Jennings, Ball, and Morris? While Ball hasn’t performed how we both expected
him to so far, you have great depth to hold you over until he gets back to
form.
Wide receiver? Emmanuel Sanders has been
knocking out of the park, Maclin was a top 10 guy so far until last week, and
DeAndre Hopkins has been exceeding expectations. I’d imitate your RBs and bench
DT until he proves he’s startable. Another solid group.
Now, for TE and QB…I hate them. Kaep can’t
manage an NFL team, let alone a championship fantasy squad. And Gates? He
benefitted from a Philip Rivers getting comfortable with one guy and one guy
only. You can do better.
Overall, Shags, this is a solid roster that
you shouldn’t be ashamed of. Even though I respected Dave just a minute ago, I
agree that you’re the favorite in this matchup: even if it’s only by a point.
8.) (LW #10) Staff Infection, 1-3 [86.75 PPG, .114 NPRP]
Way to jump back up a little, Curt.
I mean, your team is still falling, but you
definitely showed some signs of life here by putting up more points than Matt
has in 12 full games. So, if anything, there’s that.
But with another loss, I feel like we
should get your mind off the rankings. How’s college, bud? Are you having fun?
Making friends? What kind of extracurriculars are you doing?
Let’s face some brass tax, Curt: This won’t
be your year unless you make some pretty drastic moves. I don’t know why you
won’t trade your backup TEs for Kelvin Benjamin after Week 1, but I sure as hell
won’t make that trade now.
Good luck the rest of the way, kid. You
might need it.
9.) (LW #7) Randy Savages, 1-3 [84.5 PPG, .111 NPRP]
Ouch.
I know we’ve had some talk about people
quitting the league, but you have to commend Will for sticking it out and not
letting adversity get the best of him here.
Even though it was another rough fantasy
week, I think we all know that it doesn’t matter when you lay down the hottest
mix since Magical Forest’s Cocoa mix of ’98.
To me, though, the hardest part has been
the lack of radio shout out. I mean, Pretty Boy Floyd and Matt “The Face” get
shout outs but not me? What do I have to do?
But oh well, Will has taken the first step
in a very long and illustrious media career and I think he’s excited about it.
But you know what he should be excited about? Taking control of the 2014 Chip
Buckerman Classic.
Who will bear the Buckerman name? Only time
and a lot of fantasy points will tell.
10.) (LW #8) I Do LTPA, 1-3 [83.25 PPG, .110 NPRP]
Shouldn’t have had that popcorn.
But you know what? You should now. Sit
back, relax, pop in an Al Green CD, because Nicky B is about to take you to
town.
From multiple reports, Corey had been
talking about beating me all week long. He wanted the crown more than he wanted
to see a Rounders sequel starring Matt Damon and Phil Ivey. He probably woke
up, went on a light 15k after a night of sobriety and spas, and arrived at the
Brown household just in time for the 10am games.
I envision him wearing a sweater (fall
colors) and some Dockers khakis: Too formal for comfort, but too laughable to
be taken seriously. He sits down after accepting Melinda’s beverage offer (a
beverage he wouldn’t drink despite it being “too good”) and proceeded to watch
his team fall apart like Roger Goodell’s credibility.
Meanwhile, I woke up, had some brunch with
my girlfriend, and got on a plane back to Vegas. Easy, Breezy, Beautiful: Down
Goes LTPA.
Now, Corey can climb his way back into
playoff contention starting this week against 9th ranked William
Brown in a classic battle of “Accountant or Radio DJ?”
Even though it’s 9 vs. 10, I see this as
the game of the week, because one of these teams is making playoffs.
No comments:
Post a Comment