All scores are unofficial and were gathered at 1:23 AM Eastern Time on December 3, 2013.
Because this is the final power ranking of the regular season, NPRP will not be included. Playoff teams will have their seed next to their name. Non-playoff teams will follow the dotted lines and will have a quick summary.
Based on the Constitution, team in each division are given a 1 or 2 seed, based on rank. Those teams will then play each other in the first round to determine the division champion.
1.) (LW #1) Rank This 9-4, 101.38 PPG [Western Division #1 Seed]
Dave's had a great season. We really have to hand it to him. After being told all year that his team was awful and that he didn't deserve playoffs, he took it to the league with a vengeance.
101 points per game is tied for 3rd in the league, as well as being tied for 3rd in points against; Dave had the perfect combination to make the top seed going into playoffs, but will it pan out?
This isn't a knock on Dave, it's just anote: He's averaging 92 points over the past two weeks. And, while this is still a lot, has been the latest on a long, steady decline in points.
Will his team be able to continue it's success? Drew Brees will, as always, continue to put up big numbers, especially with a first-round bye on the line. But Matt Forte may not be able to continue his recent success thanks to a season's beating and a broken defense. And who else does Dave have in the RB stables? Rashard Mendenhall? I just don't know if the numbers continually get put up, but I guess we'll see over the next two weeks against...
2.) (LW #2) Cobra Commanders 8-5, 107.31 PPG [Western Division #2 Seed]
In her first ever season of Fantasy Football, Melinda Brown eeked out a playoff appearance.
Call it luck, call it retribution, call it whatever you like, but she faced a Broken clavicles squad that was at full-strength and beat them back with a broom.
With the most points scored and the second fewest points against, it's almost astonishing that the Commanders wound up with a worse record than Dave. It could have been a more difficult schedule, but you have to hand it to both teams for making playoffs.
Now, with these two facing off for the first two weeks in the playoffs, it'll make for quite the show based on how their face-offs went during the regular season.
However, even though I said Dave might not be at full force, it's important that I point out Mama B's boys might suffer from the same pestilence. Peyton practically has the first seed, as well as the passing record. What else does he have to exert himself for?
And with Andre Brown and CJ2K at running back, it's tough to say what will happen. either player can go off at any given time, but are generally seen as average backs. Even so, I think Mama B moves on to the 'ship.
3.) (LW #5) Mama's Homemade Salsa 7-6, 99.308 PPG [Eastern Division #1 Seed]
Continuing the talk of luck and weaknesses, the Salsa spiced up Thanksgiving with a nice little show to clinch the 1-seed at the last possible second.
Early in the year, I wrote about how this team was built off of potential, not on consistency. Well, we've seen that this year with this 7-6 record. Now, it's time for Nick to live-or-die by that potential.
But that's not all it's been...witha tied-for-3rd bst points allowed, there has been a significant amount of luck involved as well. Perhaps that special ingredient in the salsa was luck. Not only did Nick clinch the one-seed, but his opponent enters the playoffs with a losing record....FOR THE SECOND STRAIGHT YEAR.
That doesn't mean it's an easy 2 weeks though. We all remember what happened last time a 6-7 team made the pool of four...
4.) (LW #7) Broken Clavicles 6-7, 91.923 PPG [Eastern Division #2 Seed]
Even after suffering a loss, Matt snuck into the playoffs with a 2-seed. Despite the second WORST points per game, he somehow made it.
A crazy finish in the East, and some borderline heartbreaking moments, a team that was given a 28% chance of making playing (with average team management, which is at best what Matt gave).
So what now? Does the kid lay over and die happy knowing that he made it this far? Not even close. Jay Cutler will be back for the Bears, leading to better numbers for Brandon Marshall. Matt also has some new talent coming in to help him (allegedly) from some unnamed team owners who didn't make playoffs.
Don't sleep on the kid, even if it's easy to.
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5.) Probation 8-5, 101.69 PPG
What if I told you about a team that lost it's quarterback, that they also lost their top receiver, and that the owner didn't care? What if I told you that, in spite of this, he set the record for most points in a game and just barely missed playoffs?
ESPN Films presents a 30 for 30 film brought to you by the Las Vegas Sun: Penalties and Probation, the story of Curtis Smith.
6.) ~ Roswelker 8-5, 101.38 PPG
A tough year for Sean. After starting off 0-2, he won 8 of the last 11, even boasting the league's highest PPG at one point.
However, a few iffy games along the way proved to be his downfall as he fell, a gunslinger in the dust of the mighty Western division.
Sean was one of the many owners who were expected to have a stellar year. His team was strong and consistent in every aspect: Solid running backs with AP and MJD, a smart quarterback good for 15 points a game, wide receivers who wont blow your mind, but will get enough yards and TDs to get about 6 or 7 points a game, the best tight end in the league, and a good D.
So where did he go wrong? A conservative team who will bore you as they destroy you just wasn't dynamic enough. When you put up 100 points a game consistently, the team that happens to go have a good week is going to sneak by you, and your bad weeks may be the most painful of all because of a lack of flash.
But Sean is smart when it comes to league dynamics, and it's safe to assume that he'll change up his methods to make another run next year. And, while it hard to accept that an 8-5 season wont make playoffs, I think that that will only add to his hunger as he prepares long hours in the offseason. But for now, he must fade into the dust.
Roswell has him now.
7.) Kaep Happy 5-8, 99.154 PPG
Out of the playoffs early, Cheryl Smith decided that laying down was for Nancies. Using all of her power and every last point she could muster to bring the ruckus.
In her last 4 games, she pulled out 3 upsets. They weren't pretty, but she did her darndest to screw up the playoff hopes of almost every Eastern team. And that, kids, is how you finish off a rough season.
Like her youngest son, Cheryl's struggles were mostly caused by injuries to Doug Martin, her first round pick. And, while she had studs Reggie Bush and AJ Green, neither were consistent, either putting up double digits or goose eggs, more often than not at different times. The struggles of Colin Kaepernick also played a major role in the Happy's demise. Without consistent numbers and a steady running game, his value dropped exponentially, making week one's domination just a fading dream.
Week One was their Cold War, a threat that struck fear across the league, but once push came to shove, the cataclysmic collapse was inevitable. Reaching the top of the Power Rankings in week 3, she was proving that her championship in a minor league was no fluke, that Mama II knows how to draft. And that's when disaster struck: players grew weak and stopped scoring, Kaep grew saddened and less confident with each passing day, and the steady flow of points seemingly came to an end.
It was thoroughly difficult to see such a strong team (that I had as a preseason playoff contender) be named one of the first out of the running, but Cheryl's true nature shone through as she finished strong and cemented herself as a fighter. We all love having her in the league, and I know that next year might bring a more fruitful finish.
8.) ~ Mosstradamus 5-8, 95.077 PPG
An absolute heartbreaker to end the season. For some reason the Seattle seahawks decided to bench Marshawn Lynch in the 3rd quarter with the lead instead of earning him just a few more rushing yards needed to secure a win and a playoff spot.
And so The Kid, the reigning champ falls just shy of a second straight playoff appearance. However, to brighten things, thanks to his 4-1 record against the Big Four, Will retains possession of The Belt.
Will's team was a bit of a mystery all year. He had the best receivers in the league, along with Marshawn Lynch, making him one of the most feared teams in the league. And yet, for some reason, he still finished under .500.
Now, I couldn't remember Will's quarterback without looking (it's RG3), and his RB2 was in somewhat of a flux all season long. So how did Will's team beat so many good teams? More importantly, how did he not make playoffs? Early on, he was one of my favorites to make a run at the championship, and I know he saw it too.
I guess you could blame RG3 somewhat. No matter how many passes he threw, he couldn't duplicate his strong performance last season. That hurts, and no one can really say they saw it coming.
I can't remember who else he drafted at running back, and that may have been his biggest struggle. It's tough to say how different this team would be with a more consistent RB2.
But this isn't meant to attack Will, or even blame him. He allowed the fourth most points against him, a stat that reflects simple bad luck. With 99 points against per week, even the strongest teams will fall.
Expect Will to come back next season with that same sense of pride that he entered with. He will never go away, and that fear will never cease.
9.) VERSACE VERSACE 5-8, 91.308 PPG
After 10 straight weeks of being in dead last, the comeback began.
Chip "The Comeback Kid" Buckerman retained sole possession of his alias and solidified his nickname in league lore as he fought back to within 10 points of a playoff appearance. Had Josh "Dreameater" Gordon not scored on that 95-yard touchdown to put the Salsa up big, who knows where things would be right now...
Week One, I projected big things for this team, placing them second in our first-ever power rankings, but I did not shy away from pointing out flaws: VERSACE had an attitude. Tenth in the draft? Insulting. No playoff appearance last year? Unacceptable. Corey came in with something to prove, and prove something he did.
Corey has proven that he is always a step ahead, for better or for worse. Even in his off years, Corey pushes the league forward as a whole. With a snappy blog and a deep team, Corey could have stepped up at any moment no matter his rank. Even in dead-last, it was impossible to look past Versace. Perhaps that's what his weakness was: His inconspicuousness. Everyone knew Corey was gearing up for war, giving us time to prepare and make adjustments. There was no "not caring" about a game when Chip Buckerman was on the other side of that versus sign.
He made some genius picks in his unfortunate spot: Matthew Stafford in the 7th, Alfred Morris in the 2nd, etc. But some of his steals at the time turned into thorns in his side. Hakeem Nicks was bound to go off at some point, right? Mike Williams, a top target in the league, was drafted in the 12th and wound up being worthless.
Through all the talk and all the crazy games, VERSACE VERSACE wound up outside the gated community that they swore to protect. It was ultimately a year of bitter disappointment other than the incredible crawl at the end.
Corey amounted himself to the league's Joker when making those trades that were vetoed. And in many ways, he was. He challenged us, he was constantly whispering little taunts in each of our directions to the point where games against him were almost all that mattered. But, in many ways, that metaphor falls short.
Corey was not our Joker, but our Bane. He went down fighting in that pit deep beneath the Earth. Every second of his presence this year was a fight, a struggle to prove he could make it to the surface and survive again. And just when he finally came within sight of that surface, the fantasy turned into a bitter reality, as he fell faster than he could climb.
Was it a bad year? Yes. But will we expect more for Corey in the future? Of course we can, because you can never ignore Chip Buckerman.
10.) Insane Clown Posse 4-9, 94 PPG
Bad decisions and worse luck were what ultimately led this former championship defender to become the league's fodder. A league high points against ranking paired with a mediocre PPG just soiled Bobby B's season.
Early on, I criticized almost every one of Bobby B's draft pick. First was Tom Brady, the greatest living American. I said it would be a struggle. I knew that his numbers wouldn't be as great as they have been in past years, but that the Patriots would be a playoff team. Next was CJ Spiller, who was unfortunately hurt all year. It was disappointing to see Fred Jackson take over for the Bills while Spiller bounced in and out of games because of injuries. But many of my criticisms ended there. Larry Fitzgerald was better than I expected, it was just too late in the season for it to matter. Eddie Lacy, while gaining 50 pounds between the draft and the season, his added weight somehow equated in more points, as Lacy seemingly gained points for every lost pound.
I made "TIIIIMMMMMBEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR" the callsign for poor Robert because he had a high preseason ranking only to drop week one, but was the Posse ever truly upright? Throughout the 13 weeks of the regular season, his highest ranking was 7, as he never emerged from the bottom three. It was truly a rough year for the Clowns, but they did live up to their name.
A lack of luck played the largest role in this team's lack of success though, as the Posse BY FAR allowed the most points per game with 110. That's TEN MORE POINTS than the team with the second most, which is absolutely absurd. So yes, Bobby B had a rough season, but it was not all his fault.
And, even though there were rumors of a departure, league sources have confirmed the man's presence in the league next season, when he hopes to right the ship.
