Lindy's Late Latte Week 14

FORGIVE US OUR TRESPASSES AS WE FORGIVE THOSE WHO TRESPASS AGAINST US!

You know who you are.

Since revenge is a dish best served cold, this week Lindy will be serving:

Suns of Disappointment

1 part bitters
1 part Honey Whiskey
1 part frothed half & half
2 parts coffee
Ice

Mix and serve over ice and pray that 13 is still Lindy's lucky number.

Nick's Power Rankings, Week Twelve

All scores are unofficial and were gathered at 11:40 PM Eastern Time on November 25, 2013.

1.) (LW #2) [X] Rank This 9-3, 102.92 PPG/1235 PT [.185 NPRP]

      Ladies and Gentlemen, the first person to officially clinch a playoff spot: Dave Smith.

Can you smell Darren Sproles in the 1st?

   
      After an awful first round pick. After making a mockery of all the prep time some of us put in. And after all the smack talk, he's finally made it.
      He can rest his starters next week, because the top spot is his and his alone. But that doesn't mean the journey is over. Dave can now look ahead to his toughest test yet: A two week showdown with the 4-seed starting in week 14. The winner of that game heads to the ship.
      So good work, Dave. You've earned it.

Dave, when asked if he would still draft Darren Sproles in the 1st.

2.) (LW #1) Cobra Commanders 7-5, 106.67 PPG/1280 PT [.173 NPRP]

      A tough week for Mama B, losing a game that would have also given her a spot in the show. Now, all she can do this last week is mentally prep and try to ignore Dave's power looming over the division. 

Melinda Brown, this weekend.

      

      Thanks to her ridiculous PPG though, she's still a shoe-in, especially considering her final matchup: Matt Smith and the Broken Clavicles. It's really the perfect setup for her, as Matt's team is, well, broken.

      They're hurt, they're weak, and they're coming off a loss that put him at dead last in the league in PPG.

      So stay focused, Melinda. This is your time.

The East depends on this.

3.) (LW #4) ~ Roswelker 7-5, 100.5 PPG/1206 PT [.163 NPRP]

      It's dawn. The passing night was evermore brutal by the minute. He looked around.

      There was blood, blood everywhere; and based on the chronic numbness he had to figure some was his. The crimson tint of the Earth lit up as the sun cracked the horizon. These were the final moments. If he could somehow survive this last hour, he just might be able to pass into the new day.

      Sean Brown was on one last stand.

      With one last showdown against Dave, Sean will need a lot to happen in order to make playoffs.
      First, he needs to beat Dave, the reigning champ of the Power Rankings. With him holding the top seed right now, Sean will be making a statement with a win here. But that in and of itself wont get him in the playoffs.
      Sean also needs Matt Smith to pull an upset of his own against Melinda. Without this, her points will outnumber his, rendering his own victory fruitless.
      This is the time, but is this the team?

4.) (LW #5) Probation 7-5, 96.75 PPG/1164 PT [.157 NPRP]

      After a long string of greatness, followed by a painful slump, Curtis will need a miracl to sneak into the playoffs.

      Yes, Curtis has an easy matchup against the Insane Clown Posse, but he needs BOTH Melinda and Sean to lose their games, which is no small feat.

Curtis dealing with his chances.

      It's not impossible, mind you. And it will make an incredible story if things work out. May the odds be ever in your favor.

5.) (LW #3) Mama's Homemade Salsa 6-6, 97.8 PPG/1174 PT [.151 NPRP]

      OUCH. Not what you want to see from a team that needs a win to clinch. I mean, 4 players with a point or less? Atrocious.

Nick looking at his team this weekend.

      And now, things are guaranteed unless he wins. A team built off of potential and luck may need more than just that in order to clean up the rising VERSACE VERSACE in the Makinson Bowl.

      But, then again, the return of LeSean McCoy, Giovani Bernard, Steven Hauschka, and a decent week from Victor Cruz will really increase this team's odds. And, while you cant expect Josh Gordan to score 30 points again, you can expect more than -2 points from FOUR COMBINED PLAYERS.

6.) (LW #6) ~ Mosstradamus 5-7, 96.33 PPG/1156 PT [.140 NPRP]

      Have I discussed how INSANE this last week is going to be for the Eastern division? Any number of things could happen. Let's look at scenarios:

• SCENARIO 1: Mama's Homemade Salsa beats VERSACE VERSACE, ~ Mosstradamus beats Kaep Happy, Cobra Commanders beats Broken Clavicles.
• Outcome: Nick goes to playoffs with #1 seed, Will sneaks in with #2 seed. 
• SCENARIO 2: Mama's Homemade beats VERSACE VERSACE, Kaep Happy beats ~ Mosstradamus, Cobra Commanders beats/loses to Broken Clavicles.
• Outcome: Nick goes to playoffs with #1 seed, Matt goes to playoffs with #2 seed.
• SCENARIO 3: VERSACE VERSACE beats Mama's Homemade Salsa, ~Mosstradamus beats Kaep Happy (and scores 19 more than Nick), Cobra Commanders beats Broken Clavicles.
• Outcome: Will goes to playoffs with #1 seed, Nick goes to playoffs with #2 seed.
• SCENARIO 4: VERSACE VERSACE beats Mama's Homemade Salsa, Kaep Happy beats ~ Mosstradamus, Cobra Commanders beats Broken Clavicles.
• Outcome: Nick goes to playoffs with #1 seed, Corey sneaks in with #2 seed.
• SCENARIO 5: VERSACE VERSACE beats Mama's Homemade Salsa, Kaep Happy beats/loses to ~ Mosstradamus (where Will DOES NOT outscore Nick by 19), Broken Clavicles beats Cobra Commanders.
• Outcome: Matt goes to Playoffs with #1 seed, Nick goes to playoffs with #2 seed, heads roll in West.
• SCENARIO 6: VERSACE VERSACE beats Mama's Homemade Salsa, ~Mosstradamus beats Kaep Happy (where Will DOES outscore Nick by 19), Broken Clavicles beats Cobra Commanders.
• Outcome: Matt goes to Playoffs with #1 seed, Will sneaks into Playoffs with #2 seed. Heads roll in West.

      So, yeah, that's what's happening. Based on these scenarios, Will has a 37.5% chance of making playoffs with a 6-7 record. Nick has an 87.5% chance, Matt with 62.5%, and Corey 12,5%. That's math, kids.

      Fantasy Football isn't about odds, though. It's about a lot more than that. Can Cheryl stay hot and upset Will like she upset Nick? Can Will blow out Kaepernick and his happiness and pave his way to a repeat 6-7 playoff berth? Only time Will tell.

Good luck, kid.

7.) (LW #7) Broken Clavicles 6-6, 90.5 PPG/1086 PT [.139 NPRP]

      Matt, Matt, Matt. Another weak of showing why you're on probation. Starting a hurt tight end? C'mon. 

      And yet, you still almost pulled it off. I can't even explain it. You lose so hard, and yet you almost always win. It's astounding. You're the darling of the league. The improbable victor. You're like...you're like...

      I don't even know. You're just kind of doing your own thing at this point. Just keep doing your thing. That's really all there is to say at this point.

8.) (LW #8) Kaep Happy 4-8, 100.17 PPG/1202 PT [.137 NPRP]

      I just...I can't believe it. It wasn't even your best week and you destroyed me. All I needed was that win Cheryl...I was so nice to you ALL YEAR and this is what I get? I DIDN'T EVEN GET A "GOOD GAME" TEXT BECAUSE I KNOW IT WASN'T. THAT'S LIKE NOT GETTING A PARTICIPATION TROPHY AS A KID BECAUSE YOU CAN HARDLY CALL WHAT I DID "PARTICIPATING" [Shoutout to my 2nd grade soccer Team].

      But in all seriousness. Good game. I'm happy to see you put up numbers and try to mess up playoff brackets unlike the OTHER team who can't make playoffs (DAD). And, most importantly, you warmed up for the last week of the season, which will ultimately determine who makes it and who doesn't. You're a team of destiny, Cheryl. Everything lies in your hands. Can you please help me get in? Because if I don't make it then I'll get real emotional. It'll be depressing.

9.) (LW #10) VERSACE VERSACE 5-7, 90.5 PPG/1086 PT [.132 NPRP]

      HE DID IT!!!!! After ten straight weeks at #10, Corey Hewett has walked out of Hell with his pride.
      And, most importantly, he's got a snowball's chance at Playoffs still.

      I mean, can you imagine if he traded away all his players and stayed in tenth? It must feel great. But, while it all feels good, a big rivalry game might be the last thing he wanted standing between him and the ultimate comeback.
      The Salsa? Sounds like a Sheriff in the wild West. VERSACE is the lone ranger. Who prevails? Will the Salsa be done all over Corey's newfound hopes and dreams? Or will someone else be dancing?

10.) (LW #9) Insane Clown Posse 4-8, 93 PPG/1116 PT [.127 NPRP]

      TIMBERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
Former championship contender turned #10? Ouch.. Just painful. Especially considering how close he has come to wins recently. I guess we've all learned that when you call someone your quarterback from here on out, you should START HIM.

There it is.

      C'mon Bobby B! You have to drive 9 hours to Thanksgiving dinner, not even thinking about Fantasy football and you expect to do well? You don't prep a whole lot and you expect draft praise? You expect us to wake up at 7am already packed and have food when you get to Pleasanton? You know what you get this year for a Fantasy prize?

This message brought to you by:

Corey's Corrupt Corner - Special edition

Lindy, Lindy, Lindy. You use reason in your blog to convince me to not continue on with my reign of terror. You try to rationalize your decisions that so many people find to be fair. You try to be the voice behind justice for all.

Lindy, let me ask you, WHERE IS MY JUSTICE?

When do I get what I deserve? When does this whole situation become fair in my eyes? When Lindy, when?

Well Lindy it's time for me to step this up a bit.

At 9pm today I release two players into the waiver wire. Percy Harvin and Steven Ridley. It will be up to you all to decide who gets who.

The balance of the league will shift and I think this season will be forever remembered as a fluke season.

Now it's time for my next trick, not only do I want the names released by tomorrow at 9pm but I also want to talk to commissioner Gordan otherwise known as Christa Gordon.

Commish how much longer will you let this league suffer?

Will you watch it burn to the ground or will you simply just release the names?

All I ask from you commish is to do the right thing.

Corey Hewett- tick, tock.

Lindy's Late Latte - Week 12

My sincere apologies for the late blog. This week has been riddled with distractions. I know you know what I mean!

Monday night, I’m innocently running a board meeting, discussing Santa Suit deliveries, Magical School Bus tours, and the OV Starlight Ball responsibilities with other charitable women who are serious about raising money and improving the lives of adults living with disabilities. Yes, a glass or two of sparkling wine might have been involved. The point is my mind was far away from Fantasy Football (even though I had two players currently in the game). Yes, people, not all of us are obsessed. My cell phone rings and I see that it’s Corey Hewett, one of my beloved sons of a different mother. It must be urgent for Corey to be calling me—he never calls just to chat. So I excuse myself from the meeting and answer his call.

“Melinda,” he says with the urgency of someone who is drunk with power. “We need to talk trades.”

I listened and tried to make sense of what he was saying about two top ten players for a third round draft pick and politely told him I’d get back to him after our meeting.

Later that evening I texted Corey back, asking about the proposed trade. He responds with an apology that he’d told me things were happening fast (the power-play) and he’s already traded his players away to other teams, but he still has a few players left for a 6^th round pick.

Still unsure what he’s really talking about, I text back that I’m pretty happy with my team right now, after all I have worked hard to learn this Fantasy Football stuff and slowly pull players in from waivers to fill holes in my bench and lineup. My biggest problem is trying to decide who will perform on any given week. I believe I am in second place, which is much better than I would’ve expected my team to perform. I’m not a glutton and see no reason to strip poor Corey of his best players in the hope that he will make better decisions next year. I’m assuming he still has some shred of dignity left and will put forth his best effort to finish the season.

Then I read the text again. He’s traded PLAYERS to other TEAMS and is still trading MORE players. This doesn’t seem right—is he really dumping all his players for next season’s draft picks? I quickly check the constitution for the rules on trading and don’t see anything about allowing trades for draft picks. I Google trading for draft picks and find lots of stuff about leagues either allowing or disallowing trades for draft picks up to an hour before the draft begins. There are references to checking with your commissioner about the legality of such trades and how the draft will be conducted when draft pick trading is allowed. The Captain’s League apparently has not addressed this issue. I’m not sure I approve of betting on the come and trading a player for next season’s draft pick.

But Mr. Hewett, who I hold great respect for, is pulling a Captain Kirk. He’s making up his own rules and running the old What’s Under the Nutshell game. He’s not just trading one player to try to increase his chances next year, he’s trading almost ALL his players in the hopes he will overtake the entire league next year. What if one of our owners is unable to participate next year and we need to bring in another owner? I’m imagining telling her, “Oh, but Corey has two extra picks in the first six rounds,” or something like that. I’d look for another league!

And then there’s the effect these trades have on this season’s final few weeks. If I look at each one individually, I’m not sure I’d approve all of them, but probably would’ve approved some. I know several owners have been trying to trade all season. But I’m not even able to look at the trades individually because we have not determined the legality of trading for next season’s draft picks AND we are not talking about making trades to better each team—we’re talking about trading away almost all of one team to benefit a few teams. If Corey had said, “Hey guys, I’m done with this season and I’m releasing all my players—have at it.” That would’ve caused a fiasco and several owners would’ve picked up what they needed. NOT me because I was busy with something else. I would’ve been disappointed, but taken it like a man. Yes, Corey. I wouldn’t have accused anyone of screwing me.

So, to make a short story long—I vetoed the trades. Not because I don’t love and respect you, but because I didn’t feel allowing trading multiple players for multiple future draft picks was in the best interest of the league. I don’t think you are vindictive and don’t expect any retaliation for my decision. I respect the difference in opinion and philosophy. Successful business owners look at the needs of the many rather than the needs of the few. The success of the industry/league outweighs the success of one owner and that is the Commissioner’s job as the leader of the league.

This week we will be serving The Captain Kirk:

1/3 oz Tia Maria® coffee liqueur

1/3 oz dark creme de cacao

1/3 oz Grand Marnier® orange liqueur

5 ozhot black coffee

1 1/2 oz whipped cream

Pour coffee and liquors into an Irish coffee cup and sweeten to taste. Float the cream on top, add a cherry, and serve.

Lindy (Melinda) Brown wishes everyone a happy Thanksgiving.

Corey's Corrupt Corner

Have you ever had that night when you were just afraid to go to sleep?

That night when you just begin to close your eyes, you hear a sound coming from your closet. Your heart starts to race, wondering what it was. You finally calm down and decide it was nothing. You close your eyes again and suddenly you hear a very strange sound but this time it's coming from underneath your bed. You begin to wonder if you should look. What could it possible be you wonder? The boogeyman? A perv? What is it? Your mind gets so preoccupied that you lose track of the situation at hand and right when you do a sudden whistle of the wind bangs against your window. You are scared now. What is going on? You decide to turn on the lights. You can't take it anymore. You need to make sure no one is in your room. You begin to search and search but you don't find anything and you never will. See the thing that haunts you will never be seen. The thing you are so afraid of lies in the shadows waiting for the right opportunity to strike. What you are afraid of is MY BRILLIANT MIND.

Oh readers, welcome back to the blog. I hope you had a good time bending me over the barrel and really giving it to me, I know I sure did.

You know you could at least buy me dinner first before you screw me.

Let's get this all out on the table before I begin to rip on everyone.

So I tried trading Matt for a draft pick. Vetoed.

So I tried trading Sean for a draft pick.  Vetoed

So I tried trading Will for a draft pick. Vetoed.

Everyone has there opinion so I accept everyone who vetoed.

Cool so did everyone go on Espn to veto it? Nope

Everyone called nick to veto it. Alright, that's fine.

Then Nick proceeds to tell me that all names will remain anonymous because some people came to him and didn't want super strong Corey to find out.

This is the part I don't accept. If you want to remain anonymous go on Espn.com and veto the trade you lazy slackers. Honestly here are the steps.

1. Open Firefox/explorer/safari/etc.

2. Go to http://www.espn.com/

3. On the top right corner there is a link that says "sign in"

4. Sign in

5. Go to our fantasy league

6. Find the trade I am in

7. Decline trade

When nick told me people contacted him and wanted to remain annonymous, I said that's fine if everyone goes to Espn and declines it there is nothing I can do. Then he says no I have word from everyone that they don't want the trade. Okay then tell me the people who don't want the trade. Nick says I can't, they want to be kept out of this. 

Best part about this all, is that Nick doesn't want the trade to go through either.

So someone who doesn't want the trade to go thru is now going to tell me all these different people contacted him to say we don't want the trade and then you are going to tell me all these peoples names won't be revealed.

Yeah that seems fair.

Hey also next time commish before you give it to me good could you pick me up some chocolates. I like to be spoiled a bit before I get screwed.

Honestly imagine this situation and tell me how it's not any different from what I am going through.

Hey nick, everyone contacted me to let me know that they want the trades to go through.

Oh you want the names of who they are?

I can't tell you that, they want to remain anonymous.

Also I will pick you up at 8 for dinner and then we can head pack to my place so I can screw you over some more.

Yeah, that seems fair. This whole process is BS.

This is the reason why Gabe left this league. He didn't want to play in a league full of total anarchy. He didn't want to be ruled by Nick "Fidel" Brown.

You know what enough about Nick, I want to rip on other people now. Let's get into it.

Readers, what up? It's ya boi. Back and better than ever.

Readers I have so much to say to all of you but I was informed by the commish to keep the blog pg friendly so I will try my best.

First, let's talk about the league name. The captains league. Ha. 

A captain is a man/woman who is a leader and one who commands respect from others. I am looking at the league members right now and I don't see any captains (talking strictly about fantasy football here). I see a bunch of fairy's or little cry babies. 

Here's a song for all the girls in the league and I'm not just talking about Cheryl and Judas. Oops I mean Cheryl and Melinda. http://youtu.be/b7k0a5hYnSI

I vote to change the league name to the little sissy girls who most definitely don't have any cojones league. To all the men in the league except Matt please return your man card and have a gender change immediately. You make all men look bad with your "ohhhh that's unfair and (crying) but commish I wasn't creative/innovative to think of that so don't let him have it". You make me sick. 

Take a hard look in the mirror and realize you have disrespected all men out there. (Talking about strictly fantasy football).

Second, let's talk big picture here. The trades I think are fair. I struck up a deal with someone else and we agreed upon it. Some of you think that's unfair and vetoed the trade. Fine, you can do that. Then you all want to remain anonymous. Wow, what a bunch of fruit cups. That's something I can't accept.

What are you all afraid of? 

Are you afraid I will make fun of you in my blog?

Are you afraid I will try to get revenge?

Are you that afraid of a 22 year old that you have to hide behind the commish?

I hope you all get through this your head, I will find out who you are and I will get the last laugh. The only thing you can do now is enjoy this very corrupt ride I am about to put you all on or ban me from this woman's league. I don't want to play in a league that has a bunch of babies and doesn't allow innovation to happen. 

See people like me are the reason why America keeps advancing. People like all of you are the reason the word boring was invented. I will use my more advanced brain to keep innovating this great country. 

All of you uncreative people are the reason blockbuster survived for so long. You couldn't realize that better things are in front of you if you just used your brain once and a while. 

Why should I be punished for looking ahead and realizing I could help myself out in the future. I am the 1% and you all are the 99%. I used my innovative and creative thinking to help me reach a level you all couldn't think of. Now you want to cry and hold a protest complaining, have some self respect.

Lastly, I just want to call out the people who have called me vindictive, an old pathetic man, and a quitter. 

Melinda, you say I am vindictive. Ha. I am going to show you how vindictive I can get.

Nick, you call me a quitter. Ha. I am going to show you how to really quit.

Last but not least, William Brown.

The man I respect the most in this league.

William, you remind me so much of myself. You have a brilliant mind, you really do. You realized I was desperate to trade my players for draft picks so you suckered me into a 9th round draft pick knowing it was unfair. You found a weakness in the system and took advantage of it. I respect you. I would never cry and whine it's unfair because you understand the concept of "business".

See some of you out there who don't have majors in the college of business, probably don't understand all of the lingo I throw out such as "concept" and "sad" and the way the world works.

William knew I was going to take anything for a player so he played me into a 9th rounder. The dude knows how to negotiate. I am not going to fight with him of the validity of the trade because we both agreed upon it and it's done with. Good for you will for negotiating correctly. 

Bob and Melinda, you welcome. I just gave your son some hands on experience in the business world. 

When a trade happens for whatever reason, it's not your duty to veto it. The trade happened, get over it.

When the boson celtics traded all there players away for draft picks, did the league veto there trade? Nope

When the browns traded Trent Richardson to the colts for a draft pick, did the league veto that trade? Na.

Anyways lets get back to William.

William, even though you have my respect, there is just two things that bother me.

One, you vetoed my trade with Matt strictly on the basis of you worrying that I was going to throw the game. Knowshon Moreno is projected to score 18 points, my new pick up who I was going to use to replace him is projected to score 16. A 2 point difference buddy.

Besides William you won't beat Dave. He is a way better fantasy football manager than you and to be honest your wins have just been really lucky all season.

Second, your disrespect on your blog has gone far enough.

As a pathetic old man I am going to use you William to get what I want.

William, you will get the names of those who have wronged me and if you don't well you can kiss playoffs goodbye.

See what I plan to do is this:

If I don't receive the names of everyone who screwed me on each different trade by 11 pm tonight, I will text the commish at a random time letting him know something along the lines of this:

"I am going to release Steven Ridley to the waiver wire, go pick him up"

Your commish will now have to face the ultimate restraint of not picking up the player.

Could you all imagine Nicks team with all the best players and the only reason he has all of them is because I told him to pick them all up.

That seems unfair huh?

You all should probably cry some more.

Not to mention, Matthew will now have a free win this week which will increase his odds of making it into the playoffs. 

William are you going to let your championship trophy slip from your fingers just because Nick wants to keep the names a secret?

No, it all seems so unfair.

Just release the names William and I will make sure my team has starters such as Alfred Morris and not people like jags D.

Now I don't want these two to have all the fun so I have one more little surprise for everyone. 

The first person to put up a note on the leagues official site on Espn telling me who wronged me on each trade will receive my 6th round draft pick next year.

I must know who has wronged me.

The names of the people who have wronged me will be released by Thursday night by 11 pm or this league will suffer.

Corey Hewett- tick, tock.

Will's (Wizard) Wednesday Week 12 - Trade Madness

      Good day readers, as I’m sure you guys know today is the trade deadline of the 2013 season, which means after today, you are stuck with your team and waivers. This probably won’t affect most of you because well, up until Monday night there were no trades all season in this league, and I can tell you why.

      First off there’s this weird gene that is somehow carried by every member of the Smith family, it makes it near impossible to trade with them because they either ignore you or make ridiculous offers. We don’t really understand why, but our top scientists are still researching. Secondly, Bobby B simply doesn’t believe in trading and has openly said, “I veto all trades.”  In other words, Robert is a complete isolationist who basically hates Capitalism. You heard it here first.

      Monday night turned the Captain’s League into a swap meet. A swap meet where there’s like one pathetically desperate old guy selling/trading all his gold for war bonds. That old man was, of course, Corey Hewett. Corey has quit this season and traded away all his good players for 2014 draft picks, refer to Nicks Power Rankings Week 12 for trade details. For those of you that don’t read Nick’s blog, I gave up a 9^th rounder for Steven Ridley, who most likely will not be starting due to his fumbling issues.

      This brings me to an important point, vetoing. Now many of you are probably looking at these trades and saying “wow, can Corey really do that?” and the answer is yes, it is in the constitution. However I have a case to present.

The case for vetoing Corey and Matts trade

Knowshon Moreno for a 5^th rounder

           

      Look, I’m no dictator trying to stop Matt from giving up this draft pick but this is why I want you all to veto this: IF this trade were to go through, Matt would clinch a playoff spot over me pretty easily. You see, Matt plays Corey, who will be rendered a useless owner and is basically an easy win, plus Matt will have this extra firepower on his team. I ask that you veto this trade simply because it would screw my season further, and I know you all are secretly rooting for the return of the King like a Lord of the Rings sequel.

      If you want to veto my trade with Corey, then feel free. I will not stop you either way. I was the one that made the trade and I’ll take a potential backup running back, or Corey can take a 3^rd string receiver or a defense next year.

      Yes, it’s true I play Dave this week, and yes its true that if I lose I will have to hang up the towel until next season’s draft. I have been talking smack all season about this week, and I can promise all of you a great game. Good luck Dave. I say that because the fantasy karma approach seemed to work very well against Nick. Speaking of which, who picked the Raiders over the Texans? I sure did, shouts out to Shaggy.

Will Brown is not a quitter and is the owner of Mosstradamus AKA “The Comeback Kids” AKA “The Dandy Randys” AKA “Justic for Tayvon” AKA “The Rashad Jennings 80 yard run(s?)” AKA “The Marshawn Lynch Mob” AKA “Kenny Stills why”

            

**IMPORTANT TRADE UPDATE**

As of 12:13 AM Eastern Time on November 20, 2013, the following trades have been vetoed:

1.) VERSACE VERSACE trades Alfred Morris to ~ Roswelker for 2014 6th Round Pick
[Based on 6 votes]

2.) VERSACE VERSACE trades Knowshon Moreno to Broken Clavicles for 2014 5th round Pick
[Based on 8 votes]

3.) VERSACE VERSACE trades Steven Ridley to ~ Mosstradamus for 9th round Pick
[Based on 7 votes]

Based on delegated powers granted by the Constitution, these votes will remain anonymous from the Commissioner's office.

**IMPORTANT INFORMATION** Nick's Power Rankings, Week Twelve

All scores are unofficial and were gathered at 11:44 PM Eastern Time on November 18, 2013.

First, some trades to announce. With the trad deadline coming on Wednesday the 20th, some moves have been made around the league. If you wish to veto, please contact me or log onto the league page at ESPN.com (or the app on any Droid or Apple smartphone/tablet). A majority is needed for the trade to pass in 3 days.

The trades are as follows:

1.) VERSACE VERSACE trades ALFRED MORRIS (WAS HB, Position Rank 9)

     to

     ~ Roswelker for 2014 6TH ROUND DRAFT PICK

2.) VERSACE VERSACE trades KNOWSHON MORENO (DEN HB, Position Rank 6)

     to

     BROKEN CLAVICLES for 2014 5th ROUND DRAFT PICK

3.) VERSACE VERSACE trades STEVEN RIDLEY (NE HB, Position Rank 16)

     to

     ~ Mosstradamus for 2014 9th ROUND DRAFT PICK

If you disagree with the trading of future draft picks please e-mail the commissioner at nbrown16@gmail.com to that it may be voted on for the future Constitution. Thank you.

Now, on with the Rankings. Because the tiebreaker for playoff entrance is Total Points forced, I've added that as "PF" for teams in playoff contention.


1.) (LW #2) Cobra Commanders 7-4, 109.55 PPG/1205 PF [.182 NPRP]

      Despite being one game back of Dave for top spot in the West, Melinda's high PPG total has given her enough of a boost to launch her into first place in the Power Rankings.
      While I would love to say that Melinda is safe following a 60 point drubbing of Sean Brown, Sean has acquired a top-10 running back for the remainder of the season, potentially giving him enough of a boost to slide past Mama B in the end.
      And, with a matchup against Curtis Smith (T-3rd in the West and one-game back), the Cobra Commander isn't in the clear just yet. And as much as she would enjoy to start pouring the victory lattes, she better make sure that her cobras keep up with the venom.

2.) (LW #1) Rank This 8-3, 103.09 PPG/1134 PF [.181 NPRP]

      Another close victory for Dave, and he has all but clinched a playoff spot. Barring some extreme collapse though, we should see him vying for a championship in the coming weeks.
      It has been an impressive run, with some key pickups and clutch results to pave the road for him.
      Though Dave has fallen to #2 in the rankings, it's hard to disagree that he is the favorite to win it all.
      This week, however, Dave takes on the newly invigorated Will Brow, who needs a win to make playoffs. Do not expect Rank This to take it easy this week.

3.) (LW #5) Mama's Homemade Salsa 6-5, 101.18 PPG/1113 PF [.159 NPRP]

      It's hard to believe that this team moved up two spots following a loss and two straight weeks at number 5. While the Salsa put up 122 points this week (triple digits for the first time in 5 weeks), it wasn't enough to top Will's 129 (a season-high). Nick is also now tied with Matt for the top seed in the East with 2 remaining weeks.
      And things get darker for the Salsa from there: Despite a 4th best Points against this season, a 6-5 season at this point is very underwhelming, especially considering that Mama's secret recipe hasn't given this squad the best PPG in the East. This week, Nick will take on Cheryl, who is 3rd in the league in PPG. Nick will also be without LeSean McCoy AND Giovani Bernard in a must-win game.
      If Nick loses this game against Cheryl and Will/Matt both win, the Salsa could lose a playoff spot following the trades.

4.) (LW #3) ~ Roswelker 6-5, 99.64 PPg/1096 PF [.156 NPRP]

      A rough week for Shaggy following his Pick hiatus. The 60-point loss puts Sean not only one-game out of second with 2 weeks left, but also out of the top-5 in terms of points scored in case of a tie.
      Things are not over, though. The addition of top-10 running back Alfred Morris should greatly help in a matchup against the ailing Insane Clown Posse.
      Unless there is another rough week, Sean should win handedly this week and leave himself in a prime position to make a run in the final week of the regular season.

5.) (LW #4) Probation 6-5, 97.55 PPG/1073 PF [.153 NPRP]

      Another big loss for Curtis this week, as he's slowly slipping out of playoff contention. With a loss to the now given up VERSACE VERSACE, things are looking bleak.
      Don't be ready to banish him of all hope though, as Curtis has repeatedly proven himself to be a fighter until the bitter end. Whether than end be a miraculous finish or a bloody crash, it'll be exciting to see where Probation winds up.
      Keep in mind, the last time Curtis was out of the Top-four in rankings, he followed it up with 2 blowout wins. Consider this a warning, Melinda and Bobby B.

6.) (LW #8) ~ Mosstradamus 5-6, 98.73 PPG/1086 PF [.146 NPRP]

      A BIG win and a great game from Will Brown, theoretically putting him in a good position for a second-straight playoff berth.
      And, in earning a season-high score without Dez Bryant, Mosstradamus has proven that they should be feared in the East this late in the season.
      Will also made a much needed trade for a running back (giving up a fair 9th-round pick), and yet, his season is practically over.
      One game back, Will's Points total is high enough to surpass Matt in a tie, but not enough to pass Nick. That means that Will needs one loss from Matt or 2 losses from Nick in order to make Playoffs (provided that Will wins at least one game).
      Will plays Dave Smith this week, who will be seeking revenge for the disrespect from this blog as well as Will's. Dave will be a tough opponent. On the other hand, Matt is now facing easily the worst team in the league in VERSACE VERSACE. It's a free win for Matt, making it more unlikely that Will makes playoffs. And with Nick facing Corey the week after, it's borderline impossible.

7.) (LW #6) Broken Clavicles 6-5, 91 PPG/1001 PF [.143 NPRP]

      An absolute anomaly. Nothing about this team being in control of a playoff spot would make sense. Matt averages 93 points per game, which is second worst in the league. Matt also averages 98 points against him on a weekly basis. So, not only does he average a loss, but he somehow still has a winning record.
      I don't care if he's getting a big addition and screwing everyone else's playoff chances, Matt's team is awful. Just awful. Free win against VERSACE VERSACE this week if the trades go through.

8.) (LW #7) Kaep Happy 3-8, 101.64 PPG [.131 NPRP]

      Unfortunately, following that close loss to Matt, Cheryl is officially the first team in the East that is out of the playoff hunt.
      A sad story for a team 3rd in points scored and a former Power Rankings leader.
      Don't discredit Cheryl, though. Unlucky to the end, I bet that she continues fighting even through the consolation bracket. Expect an upset against Nicky B.

9.) (LW #9) Insane Clown Posse 4-7, 93 PPG [.129 NPRP]

      Bobby B with another close loss. Following the loss, he was even quoted by saying "I don't want to be a part of your stupid league."
      Is Bobby B going to quit? Has one rough season sent him over the edge? Is the ridicule too much? Do we need to eliminate the blog to keep him around? Only time will tell. We'll keep you updated.
      With two more chances to spoil some seasons, the Posse can officially finish off Roswelker with an upset this week. While we all expect a blowout following the trades, you never know when Osky will pull out a surprise.

10.) (LW #10) VERSACE VERSACE 4-7, 90.56 PPG/996 PF [.125 NPRP]

      I wish I could send flowers and balloons, because Chippy B has been in 10th for TEN WEEKS STRAIGHT! Congrats on giving away your team and giving yourself the likes of Wes Welker, RGIII, Eddie Lacy, Giovani Bernard, DeSean Jackson, Gronk, and the like next year. While I personally feel that this takes away from everyone else's fun by giving Matt free playoff entry as well as giving you an unfair advantage, I cannot veto as commish at this time because, like I said, it is not in the constitution.
      One win, that's all you needed to get out of this. And you gave it all away.
      Don't break that weak action around here again.

Shaggy's Picks - Week Twelve

“Your word is Cow.”

      Cow. C-0-W-E-I-E-I-Oh how I hate that commercial.  I don’t understand how someone could like that commercial…. Unless they run the spelling bee or something.

      But what really drives me crazy.  What drives me off the wall insane on Sundays is the total unpredictability of fantasy.  It happens to someone every week.  We check the rankings, the injury reports, the matchups, everything.  Then what happens? Someone on the bench goes off, while the guy we started in front of him flames out.  In his New York Times Best Selling Book, Fantasy Life, Matthew Berry says, “Seeing a guy go off while sitting on your bench and the bum you started is doing nothing? Another level of cruel.  Because you realize it’s not the player’s fault, it’s YOURS.”  Two pages later he reveals this tidbit, “this is as good a piece of fantasy advice as you’ll ever hear: ask yourself what is the most likely to happen, play the odds that give yourself the most likely chance to win, and let the chips fall where they may.”  There’s two weeks left before the fantasy playoffs start.  Depending on where you are in the race, you might wanna bet bigger than those at the top of the pack.  Throw those chips in and don’t worry about it until all the cards are dealt.

      Speaking of the playoffs and unpredictability… how many so-called experts totally blew their teams that are “playoff locks?” Texans and Falcons were actually favored by some to be in the Super Bowl (My pick was Broncos-Falcons but oh well, I’m not an expert).  Since the merger, the Chiefs are the first team to have the worst record one season and go 9-0 the next. And the Raiders are only one game back from the second AFC wildcard spot.

My Pick(s):

• Matt McGloin leads the Raiders overs the Titans.

Lindy's Latte Week 11

How about those Thursday point adjustments!  I was shocked enough the first time I tied Dave and they adjusted my points up one and then when I tied Curtis and they adjusted my points up two, but seriously? Adjusting Dave down five points and me up eight for a starting line-up tie and the big Cobra win coming from the bench? Who would’ve guessed this is even possible?

And then I woke up to this:

I’ve experienced both the thrill of victory and the agony of defeat. Yet I will not give up my dream of a new championship belt, blinged and bright. I did read Nick’s power-rankings and I am only behind by a tenth of a point. It’s unfortunate that I play Roswelker this week because he broke my winning streak the last time I played him. Oh, yes. I think I broke his losing streak as well. I’ll remain humble and try to spend my Sunday away from the television so I can imagine I’m winning.

Maybe I’ll head off to Sheridan Square and join Catherine for a hard latte. But first, I have my own predictions for this week’s match-ups:

Probation Probation vs. Versace Versace – These two perseverating teams should be well matched. I can’t say I agree with Curtis’s decision not to lose a player to bring in someone who could have scored last week. He obviously spent some time assessing the situation, which I’m he’ll just let his team ride and chalk up another win against a team that is bucking probation.

Mosstradamus vs. Mama’s Homemade Salsa – A meeting of M&M’s. ESPN has the salsa projected to win. Both sons have told me not to listen to projections. Therefore, for no other reason at all, I will base my prediction by being contrary. Let’s see, contrary to ESPN or to the boys? Hmmm, Victor Cruz or des Bryant? Marshawn or LeSean? Rivers or Griffin. I think it’ll come down to their kickers and Prater will break the tie.

Insane Clown Posse vs. Rank This – No, unlike Corey, I’m not a vindictive person, nor would I blindly side with my husband. We’ve all watched that tree fall from poor choices of starting lineups. But I think the whole league is gunning for Dave’s luck to run out. I hear there will be a special prayer service on Saturday afternoon at St. Anthony of Padua that will be broadcast online so Sean and Corey can add to the power of prayer. Yes, even Catherine will be praying at Sheridan Square. I predict ICP will be victorious.

Broken Clavicles vs. Kaep Happy – Smith vs. Smith. Man vs. Mom. ESPN has Cheryl to win this one and I have to agree with them. I think Nick Foles will pull off another high scoring game that will put Matt Ryan to shame. I’ve been waiting for Cheryl to come back all season and I think this is her week. Sorry, Matt. I think your team does have a chance, but Cheryl really needs this one.

We’ll be keeping things simple this week with our coffee drinks.  

Bailey’s Irish Coffee

2 oz Bailey’s Irish Cream

6 oz hot coffee

1 oz Irish Whiskey

1 dollop whipped cream

Combine first 3 ingredients in a tall Irish coffee glass. Top with whipped cream. Drink and pray for the ICP victory. Cheers.

Will's (Wizard) Wednesday Week 11 - Apologies

Hello readers, I would like to start this week with an apology. I am very sorry for my lateness. I came down with a crippling cold yesterday and was unable to attend school, work, archery lessons, my full-contact chess competition, or write this blog.

This week I lost to Matt... Again.. And while this very well could mean the end of my season I'm not calling it quits quite yet, I just need a little luck, a little wizard magic, and a bit of positive fantasy football karma.

In order to gain said karma I would like to apologize to Corey for letting everyone know he cleaned bathrooms once. I would like to apologize to Bobby B for writing the scores of the league in last week's Wednesday paper (classifieds page 4). And last of all I would like to apologize to my good friend Dave, and wish him good luck in our upcoming matchup.

Let it be known, fantasy football gods! I, Will Brown, have wronged my rights and seek retribution in favor of Mosstradamus, may Tayvon Austin continue to go off, may Dez not stand around for 2 hours in his next game, and may Rob Housler, the wizard himself, who I picked up this week off waivers and am being forced to start, cast down a firestorm of receptions (s/o to Carson).

Let it also be known that I did not even mention the fact that two mediocre running backs put up like 40 points on me and a TE got 20 off one catch. I did not mention the fact that I definitely benched the Falcons D who got me -5. And I certainly will not bring up (or make fun of) anyone starting Big Ben Talent-less-burger.

I apologize for the short blog but those fat cats upstairs said if I missed one more I wouldn't get my Christmas bonus.

Will Brown is the 4-6 owner of the reigning Championship team, and is wondering why Cheryl is ignoring his trade proposals. Call me ;)