Nick's Power Ranking - Week 4

All right, people. As we head into these rankings, it looks like people are starting to settle into their spots. Fewer moves were made this week, which means that I need to point out that the rankings are determined by NPRP. There is no bias, even if it appears as though there is. Enjoy:

1. (LW #1) #FreeJoshGordon, 2-1 [109 PPG, .197 NPRP]

This might very well be a fluke, but the numbers are in my favor.

After an excruciating weekend, Based Gordon’s top position remained unwaivered purely due to a huge output of point in weeks one and two. In fact, Nicky B and the Sunshine Band are a resounding 21 points ahead of our 2^nd ranked team in Points per game.

So how does this team remain on the winning side for the rest of the season? Well, Aaron Rodgers will need to begin to put up points, as well as famed WR Megatron, who were both limited to 10 and 8 points respectively this past weekend.

The kid also needs some reliable numbers from some running back…ANY running back. Only 10 points total were scored by that position this week.

Still, for perhaps the ugliest performance this team will see, 84 points isn’t too bad.

And so begs the question: Will this team bounce back this week? Or will it fall once again?

2. (LW #2) Hakka Flocka Flame, 3-0 [88.3 PPG, .192 NPRP]

What did Matt get this week?

Even at the peak of his fantasy career, Matt can’t reach the top of the Power Rankings.

Not that it’s through any lack of effort, though. After a commanding victory in the Battle of Buffalo, Matt solidified his place as King of the Condo for the time being as he handed Corey his second straight loss.

So what has led to Matt’s team’s undefeated start? Has it been a weak schedule? Has it been the unnecessarily high protein intake? Or has it been Matt’s channeling of Arnold Schwarzenegger? 

Any one thing could contribute to Matt’s success, but the fact of the matter is that that one thing cannot be points. After a massive week, Matt still didn’t surpass 100, which is astounding for someone with a 3-0 record.

Matt’s luck doesn’t look to change this week, as he takes on the ever-declining Dave. But Vegas sees something different: They have Dave cruising by 31 points.

3. (LW #3) Cobra Commanders, 2-1 [102. 67 PPG, .186 NPRP]

There’s not really much to say about Melinda’s team. It continually hangs around in 3^rd place waiting to make a climb.

Blah blah blah..Breakfat food and Peyton Manning.

Yes, Melinda put a bit of a whooping on a Kessel Runners squad that had an off week. Yes, she faces an awful team again this week that she should wi-

Wait…Peyton Manning’s out. That means that Melinda might not have a team to play this week. For the first time in a whole season, one team has an overwhelming chance of beating Melinda. And that time is…Curtis. The guy who benched AJ Green for no reason.

Oh boy. Enjoy the free win this week with your latte, Lindy.

4. (LW #7) 53 Fire, 2-1 [92.3 PPG, .167 NPRP]

Well would you look at Bobby B ascending the rankings this week! Who knew the guy still knew how to get two wins in a row!?!

After what seemed like months of ridicule, Robert Brown has somehow made it back into the winner’s circle. Now projected to make playoffs (although it is still far too early), 53 Fire must continue this win streak against an unforgiving and vengeful Kessel Runners team.

Will he continue to have success though? Touting 2 backup running backs and some shaky WRs, can this lineup prove to be consistent enough to conquer the hungry Sean Brown?

Only time will tell, but as of this moment, Dad is projected to be handed his second loss of the year.

5. (LW #9) Luck Has It, 1-2 [105.67 PPG, .153 NPRP]

Luck sure had it this week, if “it” was a spiteful, nonsensical sense of range. Who throws the ball when up by 30+ points?!?! I’m looking at you, Luck and Julio.

Cool. You beat me.

Still, it is impressive to note that Cheryl’s first win catapulted her all the way up to 5^th, past some of the League’s elite members. Perhaps this is where Cheryl belongs?

We’ve all noticed how active this woman has been on the waiver wire. Perhaps she has been reading the blog while on vacation and came back with such rage that nothing could stop her?

Is that it, Cheryl? Have I been so mean to your sons’ teams that you had to take it out on me? Because I’m still on top. We’ll see if the slew of points continues, or if it was just a fluke. But from where I’m standing, you’ll have to go through the equally hot Randy Savages if you want to prove that you belong in the top half of the league.

6. (LW #4) Kessel Runners, 1-2 [90.67 PPG, .131 NPRP]

Another rough week in the Brown house, as Sean was thrown off-track again thanks to a weak showing by just about every reliable stud in the NFL.

Sean, filled with the burning rage of a thousand suns.

Thankfully, Sean has his Captain’s League twitter account to keep him sane (Follow him @CaptainsLeague on twitter for all your news and insider info regarding the league). What might drive Sean insane, however, is this week’s matchup.

While Sean has 7 starters who are top 10 in their respective positions, it hasn’t equaled many wins so far. This team is a mathematical anomaly, and he’s hoping to solve the equation against a smoldering 53 Fire.

Luckily, none of Sean’s big starters are on a bye. Unluckily, Bobby B has been getting crazy points from strange places these past few weeks.

Will Sean right the ship? Or will he be cast into Fantasy oblivion?

7. (LW #10) Randy Savages, 1-2 [88 PPG, .127 NPRP]

JUST WEHEN YOU THOUGHT HE WAS DEAD.

Well would you look at who just laid down the biggest beatdown all season WITH RANDY MOSS AT FLEX.

Seriously, you can’t make this stuff up.

Will really rubbed it in this week.

DJ Willie the Kid won by 75 points after deciding to play the greatest living free agent as his FLEX, a man who will always be flexing despite a guaranteed goose egg.

Has Will broken the blog open? By guaranteeing a win three weeks straight, has he transcended the laws set forth by the blog and become a more powerful owner?

I mean, all but two of his players (Randy and CJ2K) scored more than 12 points this week in a massive blowout. I think this was the team we were all expecting coming into Week One.

Can the streak continue, though? Or will it prove to be a fluke? Hopefully, he puts up again as he takes down Luck Has It (And…uh-oh, he’s expected to lose by 31).

8. (LW #5) I Do LTPA, 1-2 [83.3 PPG, .121 NPRP]

Corey woke up at the crack of dawn. Today was the day, the day where he walked into his office for the first time. He smiled as he sat up in bed, glancing over at Matt’s Arnold poster. He stood up proudly as he went to exit the room for some Game Day coffee.

As he left though, an overwhelming sense of shame came over him, like an unbalanced weight on his shoulders. He fell to his knees in the family room. Something was haunting him, there was no other explanation.

His eyes shifted as they began to water.

“What is it??” He thought, “what is doing this to me?”

He looked to the heavens, and that is when it caught his gaze. Above the doorway to his room, in all it’s glory, was a white UNLV jersey.

Jesus wept.

“How could I do this to myself,” he begged. “How could I fall 1-2 with such a pitiful showing?”

Questions plagued his mind as the room began to empty. All light was seemingly dissipating, along with the oxygen. Corey began to choke on his own tears in the bitter darkness of the morning, when one lone light began to shine across the room.

He glanced upwards from his knees towards the light, and he could have sworn that music was playing. It was nothing of this world, but of the next, as the tears were almost wiped clean for just an instant. What could this source of serenity be?

And there, levitating peacefully, was Katherine’s crown. It slowly began to drive towards the Earth, towards Corey.

He began to smile, and rose from his position on the floor to reach for it, but he wasn’t tall enough.

No, instead, Nick casually appeared from the darkness and took the crown as he always had before, placing it familiarly on his head. At that moment, the light, the crown, and Nick disappeared, leaving nothing in their wake except for a marking that read “0-6.”

WOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

Don’t you love the smell of a choke in the morning?? Hey Brock, is Corey going to beat me this week?

Boy, I hope so, but who am I to argue against Brock Lesnar?

I mean, Corey has some excellent matchups this week: Le’Veon against Tampa? Keenan against Jacksonville? Oh boy, things are looking bleak.

But first, he’s going to have to get out of this little slump he’s in. Can he do it? I guess we’ll find out. I’d hate to see him fall to 0-7 against me.

9. (LW #8) Rank This, 1-2 [80.67 PPG, .117 NPRP]

Dave, Dave, Dave. Have you stopped caring? I remember last year when you told me that you didn’t care until we started talking smack on the blog. Well, consider this motivation.

Get mad, Dave.

This team has been underperforming like crazy this year. I don’t even know what it is. Drew Brees had a decent game in a win for the Saints and you still couldn’t beat Bobby B.

Well Dave, we need to see some sort of flash this week from the defending champion as you take on the only undefeated team left in our fun, little league: Your oldest son.

Maybe you need to spice it up a little. You know, switch up your team. You’re set at QB, TE, and Kicker, but your RBs and WRs haven’t helped you out much so far, and your bench isn’t really worth mentioning.

But please, David. Live up to that 18 point spread and beat your son.

10. (LW #6) Staff Infection, 1-2 [78 PPG, .113 NPRP]

Oh Curtis. It’s a shame you had to jinx yourself Week One by sending that text message.

I mean, 78 points per game? What’s that? It’s not even worth rating.

Anyways, as much as I would love to tear your team to shreds all the way down here at 10^th, the league needs you to step up this week and beat Melinda while she is without Peyton or Julius or any other Bronco, for that matter.

Please, Curtis. You’re our only hope.