1.) (LW #3) Cobra Commanders 4-1, 113.2 PPG [.197 NPRP]
What can I say about my mom this week? First off, she is living proof that a little crush never hurt anyone. Peyton Manning is the fantasy football plague that she uses to inflict pain on her enemies.
Even when my mom loses, she wins. for the second time in the history of this league, she has gained a win thanks to a stat correction last week, only to put a thumping on fellow feminist icon Cheryl Smith. Melinda Brown is the Queen of Hearts, and she's coming for heads.
With absolutely NO regard for human life, she boasts a promising lead on the rest of the league at .197 NPRP, and she needs to have her little kingdom overthrown, but who will rise to save the land from well-written and perpetually wined darkness? Who will be the hero to save us?
2.) (LW #4) What Would Jones Drew? 3-2, 117.4 PPG [.181 NPRP]
BRINGING THE RUCKUS. Thanks to Roswell, New Mexico's lack of life/internet/joy, Sean Brown has been more focused than ever on mounting a historic comeback. And, after a three win streak, he cruises into a game with the star-crossed Corey Hewett.
Sean has systematically dismantled opponents his last few weeks, and I dont see how this matchup will be any different. I really don't know what else to say, the kid is on fire.
3.) (LW #2) Mama's Homemade Salsa 3-2, 111.6 PPG [.173 NPRP]
Long ago, there existed a kingdom where a golden power lay hidden. It was a prosperous land blessed with green forests, tall mountains, and peace. But one day, a man of great evil found the golden power and took it for himself. With its strength at his command, he spread darkness across the kingdom. But then, when all hope had died, and the hour of doom seemed at hand... a young boy clothed in green appeared as if from nowhere.
Wielding the blade of evil's bane, he sealed the dark one away and gave the land light. This boy, who traveled through time to save the land, was known as the Hero of Time. The boy's tale was passed down through generations until it became legend...
But then... a day came when a fell wind began to blow across the kingdom. The great evil that all thought had been forever sealed by the hero... once again crept forth from the depths of the earth eager to resume its dark designs under a new, brutal ruler. The people believed that the Hero of Time would again come to save them... But the hero did not appear. Faced by an onslaught of evil, the people could do nothing but appeal to the gods. In their last hours, as doom drew nigh, they left their future in the hands of fate.
What became of that kingdom? None remained who knew. The memory of the kingdom vanished, but its legend survived on the wind's breath. But the time has come when the great evil has returned in the form of a dark queen by the name of Melinda.
It is now that the Hero of Time is most needed, in the form of Nick.
Clothed in green as the legends fortold, and wielding his powerful salsa, Nick must once again overcome the top seed, as he did before with Sean the Terrible and Cheryl the not-as-terrible-but-freakishly-streaky-points-wise.
Despite Nick's greatest downfall last week to his easiest opponent, he must use his power to live up to the Legend of the SALSA.
This week I was fortunate enough to sit down with Hall-of-Fame rapper, humanitarian, and millionaire Lil B, in order to ask him his opinions on The Captain's League. Respectfully, he cut to the chase in order to address the bad blood between William Brown and Corey Hewett. He loves both competitors deeply, and suggested they "keep breathin'." And, while he refused to comment on who he thought would win the bet between the two, he did make a pick regarding the two's head-to-head matchup. He simply chose Will, adding...
"Wins on the board 'cause he look like Randy Moss."You heard the man. He likes Will this season, especially this upcoming week against bitter rival Bobby B. Vegas likes Will this week, too, initially posting him as a 24 point favorite against the Posse despite having one less player.
5.) (LW #1) Rank This 3-2, 109 PPG [.169 NPRP]
STAT TIME! Of all the team in the league, through Week Four only TWO had "allowed" under 400 points: Matthew Smith and his father, David.
Dave has allowed the second fewest points in the league (i.e. Easy schedule) whilst scoring the fifth most points. In short, this is a middle-of-the-road team whose "flash in the pan" is over with. Dropping ALL the way to fifth (and almost sixth), Dave has to mount his return to stardom this week against his wife, who is on a three game losing streak.
Which Smith parent will prevail?
In the gran scheme of things, this is an excellent matchup. Our League's two newest members face off for this first time to officially determine who was the better addition. Taking into account the fact that they were almost co-owners of the same team, this makes this week all the more intriguing.
6.) (LW #5) Probation 3-2, 107.4 PPG [.166 NPRP]
A tough week for Curtis amazingly has him dropping a spot despite the win. After posting a measley 94 points in a blowout win against the Insane Clown Posse, Curtis now needs to look ahead to a matchup against his brother.
Currently boasting perhaps the strongest Smith team, Curtis now has to go against his own family in his quest for respect. I particularly like his chances this week: Matt is coming off an improbable win and one of his highest-scoring games, while Curtis had one of his worst. I see Curt making the top 5 this time next week.
7.) (LW #8) Broken Clavicles 3-2, 96.4 PPG [.149 NPRP]
Upset special. After an incredible 26 points from his tight end (who he doesn't know the name of), Matt Smith took down the salsa this week. Bear in mind, this is the same man who drafted Aaron Foster in the first round, as well as fantasy stud Ryan Matthews.
But who am I to attack Matt? He did defeat me, after all. No, I'll let the stats do it for me:
Matt has had the easiest schedule in the league thus far, "allowing" the fewest points per game with 95. While he has played good teams, three of his five opponents have had either the worst or second-worst point totals against him. Those three teams? The only teams he beat.
The average victor so far this year has scored 118 points in their win. Matt has scored 22 points fewer than the average (and never coming within 5 points of it) all season while "allowing" 24 points fewer than that average.
Weak sauce.
8.) (LW #7) Kaep Happy 2-3, 101.6 PPG [.137 NPRP]
How the mighty have fallen. With Colin Kaepernick falling into a more normalized and controlled roll within the 49er offense, Kaep Happy has suffered. The QB only rushed once this week, hurting his fantasy numbers, and I cannot see him repeating his week one numbers for some time.
Unfortunately, that means that I also don't see Cheryl putting up anything close to her week one numbers anytime soon either.
HOWEVER, when I met with the Smith family two Sundays ago, husband Dave predicted that "Melinda will splide out of contention real quick."
Currently, Melinda has been on a HUGE, lucky winning streak while Dave's wife is on the opposite end: suffering three straight losses. Has Dave cursed Cheryl out of her strong run for a playoff spot? I believe he has, and I also believe that this is the week Cheryl puts up the big numbers once again.
9.) (LW #9) Insane Clown Posse 1-4, 87.2 PPG [.101 NPRP]
Will you remember to try this week? Will you remember to check who will be playing this week and who won't? Will you remember your players' names? Will you remember your opponent? And will we remember how far you've fallen?
TIMBERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
10.) (LW #10) VERSACE VERSACE 0-5, 81.6 PPG [.079 NPRP]
On the opposite end of the stat spectrum, Corey has allowed BY FAR the most points to opposing teams. How many? 121! That's 12 more points than the second place team. I don't know if this is just bad luck or if you ran over a cat holding a mirror under a giant ladder on Friday the Thirteenth while spilling salt and steppin on cracks on your way to a fantasy draft, but Corey HAS to turn it around at some point.
He has been quoted saying that if the draft was tomorrow he would draft the same exact team, and I stand by that. I still think he has the talent, he just needs the production value.
But seriously, if things dont change soon, I'm selling this spot for ad space.
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