1.) (LW #2) Rank This 5-2, 106.14 PPG [.180 NPRP]
A lucky week for Dave has landed him in the top-spot once again. And this time, he has an odd matchup that might land in his favor.
This week Dave will face the last-place VERSACE VERSACE in order to maintain his reign over the league.
There's no metaphor here. No bashing, no dreaming, no symbolizing everything this game is and/or could be. It's just a straight-up brawl between first and last place.
And, while Dave gets his beloved Saints back in the midst of a win streak, Corey Hewett is mounting a streak of his own. Forget the spreads and forget everything you know about fantasy football, this one comes down to destiny.
2.) (LW #1) Mama's Homemade Salsa 4-3, 105.29 PPG [.164 NPRP]
Wouldn't you know it? After convincing myself for 3 weeks straight that Week 7 was a guaranteed win, I slept through the game. I forgot to click the "submit" button and lost my boy, Harry Douglas to Dave (who naturally put up more than 20 points). But oh well, as Hercules said in the critically acclaimed 1996 Romantic comedy, Hercules, "here are worth things than being slaughtered alive."
I mean, I think Herc says that. Anyways, in that movie he sings his way into stardom, falling in love with a cartoon version of Megan Fox NOT voiced by Megan Fox, and then loses all of his powers. that's the stage I'm in right now. I was deceived. And worse, I was deceived by myself.
So, now, I need to get my powers back, and I need to do so against the highly-underrated Curtis. But, just as the Beast says in oscar-award winning classic thriler, Beauty and the Beast, "Bought the Bentley Coupe cause [an African American gentleman] never had it, [women] [are attracted to me] I'mma show you who ratchet."
In other words, it's time to be bold and do think that this League hasn't seen before. And when [ladies] step, I'll show you who's "ratchet."
3.) (LW #) Probation 4-3, 105 PPG [.1636 NPRP]
I decided to make Curtis' NPRP rank 4 digits just to show exactly how close he is to being in 2nd place right now.
After two semi-easy weeks (losing one game he should have won), Curtis has a shot at the second best team in the country this week. Luckily, his opponent is exhausted, banged up, and has played 3 top-3 teams the past 3 weeks. Is any team is susceptible right now, it's the Salsa.
And, as we learned 2 weeks ago, Curtis cannot go lightly into a game and win, which means that he will bring all he has into this game. Maybe, by week's end, Curtis could pull off being number 1 in the league for the first time since his dream last night.
4.) (LW #6) ~ Mosstradamus 4-3, 104.14 PPG [.1623 NPRP]
This kid never goes away.
Seriously, he's like the plot of a generic alien invasion movie. He starts of doing really poorly. As in, he (mankind) is getting the snot kicked out of him y some alien mega-sneak attack until he practically disappears and you think it's over.
But that's when he comes out of the woodwork. You notice that he's gritty, determined, and has nothing left to lose on his quest to save his destiny. He pulls out all the stops and goes to heroic lengths to achieve a victory that is just so close you can taste it.
and that's when you find out that there are a lot more aliens than you realized, and that they have a secret weapon that makes your jaw drop like, "What?!? Really??? How do you keep THAT thing a secret??" Suddenly, the comeback seemed pointless and you realized that this is a sad movie and that there has to be some "Go Green" environmentalist message built in as the humans die off.
BUT WAIT! Did you forget about that little victory the humans had earlier that seemed really insignificant? Well guess what? that's going to be the thing that saves Will's Fantasy Football season, [gentleman]!
The credits roll as Will gets really close to a playoff spot, but then afterwards, you see a room full of alien eggs, and one of them cracks. Uh Oh.
So....uh...yeah. that's uh...That's Will's team.
(Written by Ridley Scott or JJ Abrams or me or some guy in a comic book shop).
5.) (LW #3) Cobra Commanders 4-3, 103.86 PPG [.1618 NPRP]
Unfortunately, Melinda has caught the case of the timber from her husband.
It's all right though, because she gets to golf in the Pink Tee tournament and drive the company car, so I suppose that 2 little losses are nothing to worry about for Mama B.
Despite Dave smith's prediction for Melinda's season, I see these two losses as nothing more than a fluke. She'll be back soon. And, who knows, maybe she'll be back in the form of the alien eggs in the high-budget sequel to Will's "Fantasy Alien Movie," starring (but NO DISRESPECT TO) Ben Affleck.
Mama plays her youngest son this week, and is putting on a game face that says "Will, you better write your freaking college essay or I will rip you from that Resident's Inn you call a life and cast you down with the sodomites."
There's a certain ferocity coming back in Mama b's game, and I expect a big turnout this week.
6.) (LW #4) Broken Clavicles 4-3, 99.57 PPG [.155 NPRP]
Oh Matt. Matty Matt, Matt, Matt.
Matt, Matt, MATT. Oh Matt. Ohhhhhh Matt. Have you listened to Katy Perry's "Roar" yet? It's pretty good. and by pretty good, I mean the greatest thing since Queen blessed the world with Bohemian Rhapsody. Why am I bringing this up? Because I want you in the fan club with me. I think you'd like it. I'm hoping that I get a Katy Perry t-shirt soon.
You might be SUPER confused right now, and that's OK, Matt. Because you got ROCKED in overtime by Bobby B. Are you seeing stars? Specifically, are you seeing the 5 star rating I gave Katy Perry's new album on iTunes after my pre-release stream through the fan club? Because you should. That kind of embarrassing loss has got to leave you pretty concussed. Plus, you lost Reggie Wayne for the year. Oh nooooooooooo. I can't imagine the pain you're in right now. I'm almost sorry, but then again, "Prism" came out today, so I really can't be TOO sorry.
And you play Sean this week, which could be rough (almost as rough as Katy Perry dating John Mayer), but at least you're a spot above him right now.
If you need some solace, though, just know that you're a firework.
7.) (LW #5) ~ Roswelker [formerly What would Jones Drew?] 3-4, 102.71 PPG [.146 NPRP]
Two tough upsets have led to an understandable name change. With MJD not producing, I think we can all support Sean's name change. I think it's creative and I'm proud of Sean for thinking of it.
This week, though, the new name will be put to the test against a (debatably) tougher opponent, the Broken clavicles.
It's now time that I come clean on something, by the way. "Clavicles" are collarbones, which are NOWHERE near the knee. It's been EIGHT weeks and NOBODY has commented on it. Seriously. Did no one notice? I did just this week, but thought it was too funny to change. I'm almost upset that no one has laughed at this.
Anyways, while I think it will be a blowout, have been almost habitually wrong the past few weeks. Sean needs to bring it all this game before his 3-game win streak proves to be all-for-not.
8.) (LW #9) Insane Clown Posse 3-4, 90 PPG [.1276 NPRP]
Another week of starting someone you really shouldn't have started, and somehow, you pulled out a win. The best part? You called your opponent "weak" this week despite your own record.
I hope this one holds up according to the stats bureau, because it actually propelled you up a spot, and I'm so proud of you for that. no bashing this week. we'll see how you do against the person you just passed, Cheryl.
9.) (LW #8) Kaep Happy 2-5, 100 PPG [.1275 NPRP]
All right, Cheryl. It's been a rough few weeks. But you know what? Let's put all that behind us. This is what you've been training so hard for. The day has almost arrived where you can bash in those stupid clowns that are in a posse for some reason. Clowns come in troupes, after all, and you're going to prove it with a big win to reclaim your spot.
10.) (LW #10) VERSACE VERSACE 2-5, 91.57 PPG [.117 NPRP]
Despite the incredible two-game win streak and my undying support for a comeback, this space has now been sold for ad space.
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