Did I mention the super hero cape sported by LAST year’s
champion Will Brown actually belongs to his MAMA? Yes, yours truly, Cobra
Commander. With that said, I’m as surprised as anyone to find my team alone at
4-1 entering the sixth week of league play. While I can’t deny feeling relief
at surviving last week’s battle with the formidable Cheryl Smith’s Kaep Happy,
I admit the victory was bittersweet because . . .
I’m still holding hope for a playoff of the MAMAs.
Yet this week I face the commissioner himself, Nick Brown,
whose blogs have been both educational and entertaining. While I have come to
depend on his advice in navigating through the world of fantasy football, I’ve
also discovered his mentorship waning these past few weeks. He seems a bit
frustrated by my desire to dominate, I mean—have fun. So let’s take a look at
an excerpt from Nick’s Power Rankings
Week Six, in which I have made a few corrections (noted
in red):
What became of that kingdom? None remained who knew. The memory of the kingdom vanished, but its legend survived on the wind's breath. But the time has come when the great evil has returned in the form of a dark queen by the name of Melinda (his MAMA).
It is now that the Hero of Time is most needed, in the form of Nick.
Clothed in green as the legends fortold, and wielding his powerful (MAMA’S) salsa, Nick must once again overcome the top seed, as he did before with Sean the Terrible and Cheryl the not-as-terrible-but-freakishly-streaky-points-wise.
Despite Nick's greatest downfall last week to his easiest opponent, he must use his power to live up to the Legend of the (his MAMA’s) SALSA.
That’s right, folks. HIS
MAMA’S SALSA! I didn’t name his team, he did. Yet I must take credit for
the power of the SALSA. And despite my
undying love for my son, this MAMA is bringing on some heat this week. Nick has
been known to source the ghost chili, aka Bhut Jolokia chili pepper, as his
secret heat weapon of choice, but what he doesn’t realize is this MAMA is
chopping up some Trinidad Moruga Scorpions for her team this week. According to
The Scoville Ratings of Peppers, “The
Trinidad Moruga Scorpions are rated at 1,500,000 – 2,000,000 SHU’s (Scoville
Heat Units) compared to the Ghost Pepper’s measly 855,000 – 1,463,700 SHU’s.
So, while I hate to see grown men cry, I cannot show mercy and will apologize
in advance for stealing your dream.
This week we’ll be serving:
Mama’s Flaming Heat
3/4 oz Kahlua® coffee
liqueur
3/4 oz peppermint
schnapps
Coffee
Pour ingredients into a
mixing glass, shake, and pour into a coffee mug. Add sugar and cream if
desired, and serve.
Melinda Brown, also known as MAMA B, is the owner of Cobra Commanders,
also known as this week’s top ranked team—yes, I did mention that already!
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