Corey's Corner - "SWAG"

What up kids? Hope everyone is having a great week.

All right, lets get into it. So since everyone is under the age of 30 in this league, everyone should know what swag means.

Yes, Melinda you had Sean at the age of 4. It still blows my mind too.

But just in case you don't know what swag means here is the definition from urban dictionary:

"Originally from the scottish slang word "swagger" which was a description of the way some Scots walk (in a swaying motion), the word was then misinterpreted by the English as "the way someone presents themselves". Eg, whether someone looks cool. The word quickly made its way to the states and has ever since become the catchphrase of tools everywhere."

Yeah, so swag is pretty much a word that describes the way you carry yourself. Someone who walks with their head held high and shoulders square presents confidence. If a young kid saw someone like that, they would say he has swag. That person is feeling themselves.

So now that two weeks are out out of the way, people are starting to develop some swag.

Lets take a look at a few examples:

"The 2-0-ers"

Dave and Cheryl.

Who saw it coming? Nobody. Well, maybe themselves. But that's besides the point, they are on top of the world and the view looks so good on top.

Now the best way to describe the swag they have is through the eyes of Curtis. Imagine this:

Tuesday, September 17, 2013. 6:55 AM

(Curtis awakes to what sounds like music blasting from his parents bathroom.)

(Curtis approaches the room.)

(He hears the song: "We Are The Champions" by Queen.)

(Curtis heads to the kitchen to grab some breakfast.)

Immediately Dave walks in and points to his son and says "beautiful day huh?"

(Curtis really confused has no idea what he is talking about. Curtis only woke up 10 minutes ago and the sun is barely up.)

Curtis responds by saying "what are you talking about?"

(Dave takes a sip of his coffee and just laughs like only a man who is 2-0 could laugh. See Dave just ran 5.6 miles and is feeling good. Something about being undefeated has given him a new meaning to life.)

(Curtis does notice his dad looking a bit more muscular but the season is only 2 weeks old, it couldn't be.)

Oh. but it is Curtis. Those new muscles are what we call in the business "big man on campus" muscles. Try to remember the most popular kid in school. If you had to describe him you would most likely say he is big and muscular. The thing is, he isn't that big he is just the center of attention so he looks bigger than everyone. Big man on campus muscles, Curtis. You will learn.

(Next Cheryl heads into the kitchen and looks at Curtis and says "Morning, Mr. 500". Dave and Cheryl both laugh as only people who are 2-0 could laugh.)

Dave looks at his Rolex watch and says "All right, I'm off. Peace homies."

As Dave pulls up to work, he notices an intern standing outside the office drinking some coffee. Dave pulls up to where the intern is and tosses him the keys. He then proceeds to say "Keep it front, thankssssss."

Yes, Dave's new swag has him thinking interns are now valet drivers at his work.

Anyways the story continues....

(Cheryl is still at home with Curtis and tells him that she is driving him to school today.)

(As they are driving to school, Curtis notices something very strange. For the first time in his life he is watching his mother dance to "Congo" by Gloria Estefan. She seems to be too confident but the thing is her dance moves are perfect. It flows perfect with the song and Curtis is just left in disbelief.)

Yes, Cheryl's new found swag has given her the ability to listen to Congo in the morning and dance perfectly to it.

(So the day continues and the whole Smith family decides to meet at Red Rock's buffet for some finger-licking food.)

Curtis and Matt both notice something very strange now. Dave and Cheryl are walking around the casino pointing at everyone and saying things like "looking good, Jessie." and "Lorenzo, I need two tickets for Decembers UFC fight, make it happen."

Yes, Dave and Cheryl's new swag has now made them the most popular people in Las Vegas.

See, swag is a really powerful thing. It creates confidence in people and confidence leads to Dave and Cheryl's perfect dance moves and popularity.

The fact they have yet to be beaten has created this whole new lifestyle for Cheryl and Dave and they are, as kids say these days, "living the dream".

Starting off the season 2-0 is a really dangerous thing, but boy does it feel great. Congrats, Dave and Cheryl.

Now for the kids who are 1-1. I will categorize you into the group known as:

"the .500-ers"

One win and one loss.

For those who just got there first win, you may be experiencing the swag my friend Robert has.

See, Robert's swag would best be described by an example as well:

Imagine, if you will, Melinda walking into her living room on a beautiful Monday September 16th morning to find Robert in a full U.S.P.S. cycling outfit with one of the aerodynamic cone helmets just riding his immobilized bike acting like he is training for the next Tour de France.

Robert's new swag after beating Versace Versace has given him the ability to dream. The man now believes he can take on the world and actually become the next Lance Armstrong.

(Publishers note: I would say without the PED's but I remember golfing with Robert one time and he really doesn't follow the whole "play the ball where it lie" rule. So can you really trust him?)

This swag Robert developed has transformed him into a man who now believes anything is possible.

Swag is dangerous folks, be careful with it.

Now for the kids who are 1-1 but just lost. You still have some swag as well.

You still have a victory and that is something to be admired.

I like to imagine the swag you all have would be best described like an overall feel-good about yourself but just got unlucky week 2.

Take for example, Nick.

After coming out strong week 1 with Victor Cruz he ran into Dez Bryant and -Mosstradamus.

Nick, should still have confidence and all you 1-1-ers should as well. One loss won't kill you, you just need to harness your swag again and set your line-up in a way that is going to tell the others "ya boi is back".

Last, but certainly not least, the kids who haven't won.

The 0-2.

Readers I'm sorry to tell you all but yes your two favorite guest blog writers are 0-2, Sean and Corey. These men don't really have much swag right now.

To be honest, with everyone I don't really have much self-respect right now. Sunday night after I realized I lost I called my mother to vent, here is a tidbit of the conversation:

Mom: what's wrong my oldest son?
Me: (crying) Robert's fantasy team beat mine and he texted me "This is a gated community, please get the f--- off my property. - Giorgio Armani". He rubbed it in my face mom, he is a jerk.
Mom: Son, it's just a game and you know he's not a jerk he hooked you up with a job and let you stay at his place.
Me: Yeah but remember when I took that photo for the RJ.
Mom: Yeah the one that should have been on the front page, I remember.
Me: Yeah that one, he didn't even get me a company car.
Mom: (angry) (due to the graphic language, I cannot display what she said.)

Yes, Corey has lost his fantasy football confidence swag.

As for Sean?

Who knows?

Maybe he still has his mojo or maybe the aliens took it. Sean, if you are still alive, the readers and I are pulling for you. Keep swinging, buddy.

Anyways....

All I can say is that being 0-2 doesn't really give you confidence but it does make you humble.

See, humble swag is a dangerous thing too.

Sean and Corey now have that mindset that they aren't going to get cute and listen to Mathew Berry anymore. They are going to use their natural instincts and carefully craft a dominating week 3 performance. These two men are humble and are just ready to strike. This whole situation reminds me of the incident in Tuscaloosa of '97, look out everyone.

AVENGE ME, BOYS.

This weekend use your swag. You earned it. Make some gutsy calls if you want. Make some bold predictions. Be confident in everything you do.

Turn ya swag on.

P.S.
Last week I made a comment about divorce and I would just like to clarify that everyone's love life in the league is fine. No need to worry readers. Now here are my top fantasy football marriages:

1. C3G0 and Russell Wilson
2. Nick Brown and Victor Cruz
3. Robert Brown and San Fran D/ST
4. Matt Smith and Ryan Matthews
5. Dave Smith and Sprolesssszz:)

May you all stay together forever.


Corey Hewett- is a freelance photographer, business consultant, and advertising specialist for the Las Vegas Review Journal. He also is a full time student at the University of Nevada, Reno. He would like you all to know that he read Wills Wednesdays and come week 5 vengeance will be his. Viva la Canelo/Brock/Terrell/Chip.