All scores are unofficial and were gathered at 1:20 AM Eastern Time on September 24, 2013.
Last week, scores were changed in such a way that the Power Rankings had to be altered. These now official rankings from last week can be seen as each team's "Last Week" (LW) ranking. For more info, please see the "Rank This" team analysis below.
1.) (LW #4) Probation 2-1, 113 PPG [.184 NPRP]
Last year, he was a laughing stock. Last year, he finished 5-8 with the last-ranked team in the league. Last year, he was put on Probation.
Many expected a year to restructure things. Garner some draft picks, learn, and prepare for a run in 2014. But no. Curtis Smith couldn't stand to wait. He had waited long enough. For years, he felt that he wasn't receiving the respect, and he decided to shove it in the face of the world.
This year, Curtis Smith has earned that respect and then some. With a formidable draft, and the highest scoring team in the league, could this be his year?
History says no. History says that he'll make playoffs, but ultimately be upset by the eventual champion. But Curtis Smith doesn't listen to the past. He has his eyes on the future.
That future is blocked however, by the vengeful Cobra Commanders, a 9 point favorite, and former top-dog of the league. Can Curt keep his composure? Only time will tell.
2.) (LW #1) Kaep Happy 2-1, 110.67 PPG [.181 NPRP]
Cheryl was so proud of herself. Not only was she in first place, but the mild-mannered mother had successfully posted the first smack talk of her life as she sat back with a margarita and a breakfast burrito poolside, awaiting the impending dawn that was Sunday.
Her phone sounded off next to her, cracking the serenity that was the silence of the morning. It was a text message from Nick Brown.
"Good luck. I'm bringing the ruckus."
Confused, and a little taken aback by the sportsmanship, Cheryl shrugged it off as she took another sip of her margarita.
As the sun rose, she realized that her sense of serenity was fading. Was it the text that was getting to her? Was she feeling guilt for talking smack? What was happening? The quietness of the dawn was rapidly getting lost in a cacophony of questions. Then, she heard it.
The rock fence exploded behind her as a two ton Mercedes Benz G-500 came roaring from the street into the now decimated backyard. As it turned to leave, Cheryl stood stunned as the tank blasted a familiar song...
MAMA BROUGHT THE RUCKUS THIS WEEK BABYYYYYYYYYYY.
Another One (Seed) Bites The Dust!
Luckily, though, Cheryl Smith only drops one spot thanks to her high points per game (mostly because of her Week One performance).
This week she takes on the struggling Mosstradamus. Can she prove that Week One wasn't a fluke? Can Kaep actually BE happy? Stay tuned.
3.) (LW #6) Mama's Homemade Salsa 2-1, 109.67 PPG [.179 NPRP]
A great week for the salsa propels them back into third plays, and just a mere .011 NPRP points behind second. However, that doesn't mean that this team can cruise for the next 12 weeks and finish as a playoff contender.
No, Mama needs to pack in some ghost chilies this week and the one of the league's biggest rivalries commences: Mama's Homemade Salsa vs. VERSACE VERSACE.
In the three years of this rivalry, Nick leads by an overwhelming margin. However, is this the year that Corey takes over? Currently favored by 16 points, Vegas sure likes to think so. Just expect some heat in this one as Nick wants to make that top spot his own.
4.) (LW #3) Rank This 2-1, 108.67 PPG [.177 NPRP]
Every Tuesday and Wednesday, the Elias Sports Bureau analyzes each weekend game in order to verify statlines. Occasionally, changes are made to the official stats that change fantasy football scores. After last wekend, Dave was reported by me to have won an overtime match against the Cobra Commanders. HOWEVER, I also report that my rankings are based on the ESPN scoreboard as of a certain time.
On Wednesday of last week, the Bureau made a change to Dave's score. Matt Forte had one rush to run out the clock that gained -2 yards. That rush was originally unaccounted for. When the stat was added in, Forte went from 90 yards rushing to 88, resulting in the loss of one point and the ultimate loss to the Cobra Commanders.
This week, however, Dave came out angry and smoked the Insane Clown Posse. Dave is now 4th in points per game, which raises the question: Is he legit?
The answer to that question, of course, is no. Every win he has has been against an opponent who has had an off-week. I fully expect Rank This to bully another weak team this week as Dave takes on his firstborn, Matthew David Smith. THE WEEK OF RIVALRIES CONTINUES!
5.) (LW #2) Cobra Commanders 2-1, 107.33 PPG [.175 NPRP]
After a crazy win last week, the Cobra Commanders were about as hungover this week as Chico State on a Tuesday morning.
Putting up a career-worst 87 points, Melinda Brown watched furiously as her eldest son proceeded to beat the snot out of her. Even her precious Pey-Pey couldn't save her.
And, unfortunately, Mama B has to take on the one-seed this week after losing to a team that was once winless. Things could be worse though. Vegas favors Cookin' Mama by 9 in a sleeper game of the week. Let's just see if she stays Pacific Lutheran-level focused so she can Chico State-level party.
6.) (LW #8) Broken Clavicles 2-1, 92 PPG [.150 NPRP]
Stat Time! Ignore the fact that Matt won this week. Ignore the painfully off-week had by Corey Heweet, and indulge me for a second.
Matthew Smith scored 76 points this week. That 76 point total is the second fewest points scored this year. The only lower score? The team he played against.
To put this into more of a perspective: The average point total for a winning team in Week 3 was 97.25, which is 21.25 more points than Matt scored in his win. The average point total for a winning team ALL SEASON was 115.36, 39.36 more points than Matt scored this week. And the fewest points scored by a winning team prior to Matt this week? 91 points by Kaep Happy in Week 2. Heck, the average point total of every losing team all season is 89.4, 13.4 more than Matt this past week.
My point is that this is a weak team. It is a weak team that has benefited from an especially lucky schedule. All signs point to a rough rest of the season unless changes are made.
7.) (LW #9) What Would Jones Drew? 1-2, 109 PPG [.141 NPRP]
On the other hand, this is a good team that has been snuffed out by a difficult and unlucky schedule. Points per game alone place Sean's squad at number 4, but high-scoring opponents have shifted things out of his favor.
And what o you do when things are not in your favor and you have nothing to lose? You make bold decisions, and starting Terrelle Pryor over Russell Wilson this week was that bold decision that sealed the deal in his first win of the season.
And, on his birthday, I'm going to make another bold prediction: WWJD is a top 5 team next week.
Well, maybe it's not that bold considering that he gets to gang up on some Juggalos, the ninth-ranked team in the league.
8.) (LW #5) ~ Mosstradamus 1-2, 101.33 PPG [.131 NPRP]
What was expected to be a big week for William Brown fell flat quickly this week. Instead of racking up pints from Marshawn Lynch, Dez Bryant, Demaryius Thomas, and Hakeem Nicks, Will's team struggled against his biggest rival.
In what was reminiscent of the 49ers taking on the Seahawks in Week 2, not much was going in this tide-turning defeat.
But the road does not end for the defending champion. With his belt in hand, he must carry on and regain his swagger against the reeling Kaep Happy.
Can Will get the fatality? Or Will his fantasy legacy prove to be mortal?
9.) (LW #7) Insane Clown Posse 1-2, 95.33 PPG [.124 NPRP]
It was a cold night in Arkansas on Monday once the sun set. Bob Brown lit up another cigarette, with the harsh sound of another Raider Heartbreak pouring out of the television speakers.
He took a long drag as he checked his cell phone. This was the week, he thought, that he would prove the haters wrong. This was the week that he beat Dave and showed that his championship run was no fluke last year. This was his week.
Ashes shot up into the darkened sky, piercing the night as the Lucky Strike dropped from Robert's ever-dropping jaw. This was the only sound that was heard:
http://youtu.be/ee925OTFBCA
10.) (LW #10) VERSACE VERSACE 0-3, 76 PPG [.074 NPRP]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CDKn5BGTGMM
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