This
weekend, I was at work on the golf course as I usually am, when I decided to go
up to the restaurant and get something to eat. I ordered the club burrito, with
SALSA on the side.
Yes, it’s
true, I did beat Mr Commish himself, the undefeated, Nick Brown. Thankfully,
Marshawn and Dez started playing football this week while David Wilson is still
sitting cozy at one point. I want to talk to this guy, just have a one-on-one
conversation with him and try to figure out how you play an entire game as a
starter and only get one fantasy point. I understand the man is on a passing
team but they scored 23 points and the man couldn’t get more than 20 yards in
the entire game. Just think about that: You have played two weeks and around
two hours of live, professional football and have a total of -2 fantasy points,
please ex-wizard Wilson… Step up boy.
In other
news, everyone’s favorite fantasy football laughing stock has moved to 2-0,
shocking the league (and me) with a win over Melinda Brown. Dave, you may have
won two games in a row, but I see this as a good thing. You are using up all
your luck now and you won’t have it when it counts around playoffs. You all may
recall my unlucky start to the season last year, which resulted in the two most
beautiful victories in your wildest fantasy fantasies. That is why the belt is
still mine Dave, and will never, ever, ever, ever, ever be yours.
Rumor has
it that Melinda Brown is disputing against the supreme court of the league
stating that she didn’t know that the constitution (which she blindly signed)
stated that ties are settled based on bench points. Melinda Brown, who almost
went to law school, is trying to dispute the fact that she signed a document
without reading it. The woman has commitment the likes of which this league has
never seen.
I know you
are all seeking this week’s wizard and at this point have skimmed the article
to find out who was chosen. I would like to step away from fantasy football
this week to announce none other than Saul Canelo Alvarez as the Wizard of the
week. Let me tell you folks, Corey Hewett is notorious for his talent in
picking fight winners. We all remember back when he loved Brock Lesnar despite
his countless losses towards the end of his career, probably caused by Corey’s
fandom. Corey also chose Frank Carillo among others to beat DIESEL Joe Riggs in
Bellator fightmaster, Carillo was unable to even enter the ring, while knees to
the head and other products of the veteran DIESEL crushed all others. Recently
Corey has chosen Allistair Overeem (Women) over (my boy) Travis Browne, and
lets just say they don’t call Travis the comeback kid for nothing. I was 100%
certain from all these observations I have made that Canelo was going to be
dominated by Floyd “I like em cuz they red” Mayweather, who had no problem in
once again leaving Corey without a winning fighter, without money, and without
self respect.
Will Brown is a
habitual winner and can almost ride a skateboard and would like to silence all
the rumors of Corey offering him conditional draft picks, that would be too
funny. And sad.
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