GUESS WHAT DAY IT IS!!! GUESS WHAT DAY IT IS!?
If you answered “hump day” to either of those questions
please remove yourself from my column immediately.
Welcome to Will’s (Wizard)
Wednesday.
Will’s Wednesday is a love story, a tragedy, and a comedy
all tied together to the greatest standard league in all the land, The Captains
League. Here we will discuss smart moves, bonehead moves, and mostly criticize
those of lesser fantasy intelligence with sharp wit and cutting insults. Before
I begin let it be known there will be no wizards in this column.
As you all
may know there is a rumor spreading about the league that Sean “Shaggy” Brown,
owner of top projected team “What Would Jones Drew” and resident of Roswell, New
Mexico has been seeking new running backs but is “too cheap to make reasonable
trades” as stated by our own Nicky B in this weeks power rankings. I am here to
tell you that these allegations brought against Sean are 100% factual as I am a
first hand witness of such ridiculous acts.
So there I
was, lying in my bed wishing each of the players on my team goodnight with my
ESPN Fantasy App open (as I do every night.) But as I was finishing up with a
“Goodnight, Randy ‘GOAT’ Moss, sleep tight my sweet prince, you’re still #84 in
my heart…” I received a very rude interruption, a text message from a Mr. Sean
Brown, resident of Roswell, New Mexico. I opened this text only to see he had
piqued an interest in my number two running back, a certain David Wilson, the
starting running back for the New York Giants and quite the sleeper if I do say
so myself.
So me, being the avid free-trade enthusiast I am, took a moment to
let him make an offer for my prized, number two running back whose value has
significantly increased due to his teammates injuries. To my utter awe this man
has the audacity to offer me two of the most disgusting fantasy players I have
ever seen firstly, Cordarelle Patterson, WR for the Minnesota Vikings who is
fighting (and losing) for the number 3 or 4 wide receiver position.
The second
player he offered me was none other than Rob Housler the QUESTIONABLE tight end
for the Arizona Cardinals. Upon receiving this offer I merely replied “I’m sorry
this line is for serious business inquiries only” and proceeded to get out of
bed to vomit and laugh at the same time. This poses many questions, the first
of which being "WHO IS ROB HOUSLER?" The second being "DOESN’T SEAN HAVE ANY SELF
RESPECT?" And the third being "WHO IS ROB HOUSLER?" The moral of the story is when
Sean Brown, or any resident of Roswell, New Mexico shows interest in one of
your players, be careful because before you know it you could be trading a
potential top fifteen running back for a number four receiver and an injured
tight end who got all of 400 yards receiving and zero touchdowns last year. Rob
Housler, you are the wizard of the week.
In other
news Dave Smith, owner of “Rank This,” a really desperately clever name he chose
after being ranked dead last, is still ranked dead last. But the reason I
wanted to mention Dave was his first round pick… sigh… Darren Sproles. Now, I
would like to start by saying two things, first, this is a free league. You can
pick whoever you would like, any round you like we will not stop you. And
second, I personally like Darren Sproles. Do I like Darren Sproles enough to
take him when top running backs such as Jamaal Charles and LeSean McCoy are on
the board? Absolutely not, but I do like Darren Sproles, in fact I like him so
much that I drafted him in my other league. Yes, I was drafting in a ten team
league, (much like our own) filled with knowledgeable, experienced fantasy
players (unlike our own) such as myself and I was able to take Sir Darren Sproles
with the 50th overall pick. That’s right Dave, good pick, but you
make have taken him over 40 picks in advance, that’s a BIT of a reach if you
ask me.
Will Brown was the champion of the 2012 League with his
stacked team “Come on Benjals” and is currently the owner of the 2013
championship team “Mosstradamus” AND is still the REIGNING, DEFENDING, CAPTAINS
LEAGUE CHAMPION OF THE WORLD…. IIIIIIIITTTTS TIIIIIIIIIIIMMMEE
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