What up readers? Ya boi is back and better than ever.
So recently I have found my name being disrespected quite a bit in these other blogs.
Do I deserve all this ribbing? I guess since I am easily the most feared opponent.
But do I like it? No not really.
See readers, I am only making fun of these certain people because they deserve it.
I mean, I could make fun of William again for another half-ass blog post. I wish I could copy and paste about 500 words and pass it off to my readers but no I am a better writer than that.
I could bash mama b for her blog, or should I say photo gallery. But no, I am turning a new leaf.
Readers, here is some valuable fantasy advice I want to pass on to you.
Turn a new leaf with your players.
I know, I know we all have players on our team who have just killed us. I mean I think we all remember David Wilson week 1.
But what I want you all to do is to forgive and forget.
Let these players earn your respect back, give them another shot.
You drafted or picked these guys up for a reason, it's time for them to show you that reason.
Readers lets stop the bashing and let's move forward.
This week I will be playing Steven Ridley. If he gets me 10 fantasy points I will be happy. If he gets me 5 or worse my next blog is going to be a direct shot at one my competitors, you have been warned.
Corey Hewett- I make it do what it do.
P.s.
Funny how times have changed:
Bobbie B told me he used to run a 4.6 40 yard in college. I think mama b is now faster than him.
Thursday, October 31, 2013
Wednesday, October 30, 2013
Will's (Wizard) Wednesday Week Nine - Communism and Corey
This week is gonna be a little different folks. In response
to Mr. Hewett’s comment on calling our dear commish who is a very just,
democratic man “Karl Mark:.”
…Where to begin?
Karl MARX was born in Frier, Germany in 1818. The man’s social
theories and constructs have been argued and condemned truly like no other in
history. Before we get into his ideas, context must be laid as to what led him
to believe what he did. Born between two revolution, he utilized the hatred for
the excess of France to fuel support for his fundamental principles. It appears
the impact of these revolutionary wars brought Marx towards the justification
of established order in society.
The main reason
Marx is so important is because of the political philosophy that he developed,
appropriately dubbed Marxism and commonly called Communism. Marx’s goal was to
spiritually release mankind by freeing him of his social chains. Marx’s
interests in economics started when he wrote two famous essays on the position
of Eifel peasants and Moselle vinegrowers. He was also very interested by the
labor movement, which the effects of were just becoming apparent. As talk about
communist ideas first began to rise, Marx was reserved about his opinions. In
spite of his reservations, Marx heavily researched the contemporary French
literature on socialism and Communism, and in 1843 moved to Paris, the heart of
the revolutionary movement. While in Paris, one of the most important events of
his stay occurred, his meeting with Friedrich Engels.
“This was the
beginning of a lifelong friendship and collaboration of the founders of
scientific socialism.” (Leonhard 5)
Basically Marx
and Engels became a think tank duo for socialism and began creating organizations
for their ideas. Their goal was to create a society in which the members were
free of exploitation, oppression, and class struggles. Ultimate equality of
opportunity and outcome was the goal, as opposed to the American idea of equal
opportunity but completely unequal outcome. This eventually led to the
publishing of Karl Marx’ most famous book “The Communist Manifesto” in which he
outlined all these beliefs along with his sociological constructs. Social
Conflict theory is one of these constructs; it states that society is basically
broken up into the haves and have-nots. The have-nots (workers) are basically
oppressed by the haves (bosses) and invokes a sense of rebellion against the
haves, interest aye my fellow have-nots of this league?
Interestingly, despite all the
communist governments that have risen and fallen over the years, none of which
Marx was alive to see, none of them have followed Marx’s ideal theories. The
notable communist leaders that rose and fell Lenin, Stalin, and Mao Zedong, all
actually did not listen to him in one way or another. Marx believed that a
Communist takeover could only occur in peaceful transition because a classless
society would need an economically sound base. There would need to be a
peaceful transition, unfortunately none of the actual Communist leaders agreed.
Stalin especially had it all wrong, he believed in oppressing the S**T out of
his people making sure they didn’t act against his totalitarian dictatorship.
In China, Mao Zedong attempted to transfer the ideas of Marx to Chinese
conditions but he could not account for the requirement of a fiscally sound and
economically advanced society, and he also failed.
BUT WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN?
Well folks this was not only a history
lesson for Corey, who clearly spent way too much time deciding that drafting
Alfred Morris was a good idea and not enough time studying for his social
science classes. But I feel that this should also be a lesson to the entire
league; maybe it is time for a peaceful transition in our league? Maybe if some
trades don’t go through by the end of the year?
Maybe a non-competing commissioner, to
avoid any and all trade and rule biases, should govern us? Maybe a man who has very little football
experience should be elected, as to spice things up? Maybe we should elect a
man who literally couldn’t catch water if you poured it into his hands while he
was wearing his Arizona Cardinals gloves?
Rob
Housler for Commish 2014
Will Brown is the author of Wills Wizard Wednesday and is
actually a capitalist and lost to a woman in fantasy football once.
Tuesday, October 29, 2013
Nick's Power Rankings, Week Nine
All scores are unofficial and were gathered at 1:32 AM Eastern Time on October 29, 2013.
1.) (LW #1) Rank This 6-2, 107.75 PPG [.189 NPRP]
I spoke this past Monday on the phone with Dave. He called me and said, "Yes, I received a call from this number?" From that point, I knew I was in for a full lecture of disrespect.
Among his diatribe, however, Dave posed an excellent question. He asked me, "When does luck become skill?" Dave even appealed to my inner statistician: "Look at the numbers, I'm first in the league in points and I have the most wins. When does luck become skill?"
Well, let me use a few numbers on you, Mr. Smith. Of your 6 wins, 4 have come off of opponents boasting their worst performance of the season. Of the players you have picked up off the waiver wire (5), 3 have had season highs, with only ONE starting at the time. You are currently third in points allowed, and have only won ONE game with your opponent putting up more than 100 points. Curtis and Melinda, on the other hand, have won 2 with one less win to go off of.
This week you play Curtis, who is currently in second place. I want Curtis to win, but the Saints are playing the Jets, so half of your team should be scoring points as NOLA runs up the score (as usual).
2.) (LW #3) Probation 5-3, 106 PPG [.172 NPRP]
Curtis, I'm honestly pleased with your honor and skill this year. You've beaten worthy opponents and I think you've put together one hell of a squad.
I knew coming into this week that I was going to lose. My rabbi even assured me otherwise, but something told me that a Curtis beating was in the falling of the leaves.
Well, damn. I didn't expect a 50-point ravishing of my boys, but good show.
The whole league has your back, Curtis. I hope you know that. The force is with you, always.
3.) (LW #5) Cobra Commanders 5-3, 105 PPG [.171 NPRP]
Coming in JUST behind Curtis is a woman who (allegedly) feels lost in the world after being "ashamed" of her team. Because life is hard when you're in the top 5 all season long.
Mom beat up her youngest son this past weekend with no regard for human life, which was sickening to say the least.
And, alas, she's found her way back in the top 4, which would normally mean playoffs, but...EVERYONE IN HER DIVISION WON THIS WEEK.
That's right, the entire West division won, meaning they moved up. In that division? Dave, Curtis, Melinda, Sean, and Dad. If playoffs started today, only Dave and Curtis would make it in, as only 2 from each division a spot.
So, even though she has cracked the top 4, more wins are needed to finish with a playoff opportunity in her first season. And that streak needs to continue with a second consecutive win against Bobby B.
Without that win, however, playoff chances begin to diminish. And hey, it could be worse, like if there were 4 western teams on top of the Power Rankings?
4.) (LW #7) ~ Roswelker 4-4, 104.25 PPG [.156 NPRP]
OH NO.
For the first time this year, the top four teams are all in the same division. And with a little less than half the season left, each game becomes more and more pivotal.
And for the team formerly known as What Would Jones Drew, time might be running out. For a team with the fewest points allowed all season, luck needs to kick in like it has for Dave's team all season. 2 games back with 5 left, Sean will need to make quite the push to finish in the playoffs for the second consecutive year.
And, by going up against the seemingly cursed Kaep Happy, that run is looking more and more likely.
5.) (LW #2) Mama's Homemade Salsa 4-4, 100 PPG [.150 NPRP]
Ouch.
A brutal collapse has seemingly soiled the salsa. 2 weeks straight without a touchdown from ANY player other than a QB means dismal numbers, and dismal numbers of course means loss after loss after embarrassing loss. One tough lesson of fantasy football is that even though you know some games will be lost, you never expect a blowout, let alone 2 straight.
Hopefully Mama runs to Costco and picks up the ingredients to start anew against the Broken Clavicles this week who, after seemingly giving up last week, should be an easy win. then again, sometimes easy wins are taken lightly, and that's how upsets happen.
Let's hope the Salsa does some soul (and spice) searching this week and finds themselves.
6.) (LW #4) ~ Mosstradamus 4-4, 99.63 PPG [.149 NPRP]
By one one-thousandth of a point, Mosstradamus is in second place in the East despite being placed outside the top-5. But don't sleep on the kid, this giant is punctual and willing to fly off the cuff at any second for a thrill (and a win).
After a beautiful weekend despite the loss to Melinda, Will is looking to follow-up on his shots with Corey earlier in the year and ultimately seal the coffin on Corey's Championship chances.
A win here could also propel William back up the power rankings and earn him a playoff spot as well as sole custody of the "chip" persona.
A lot is on the line, but I'll let those two discuss it more on their personal blogs.
7.) (LW #6) Broken Clavicles 4-4, 93.28 PPG [.140 NPRP]
After a week of awful trade proposals, insults, and Monopoly debauchery, Matt smith may have given up on his season. After putting up 50 points in a loss, it seems like all may be lost.
Just one one-thousandth of a point away from falling into the abysmal zone (ranks 8-10), Matt has a lot to consider here. His team is falling apart, his dreams are being ripped away, his relationship with Kendall is hanging by a thread, and his schoolwork is suffering because of it.
As the prophecies fortold, the Broken Clavicles are breaking.
But...what's this?
It's not over, you say? There's still a chance?
Yes! With just a few more wins, Matt may make a move into second or even first in the East! All it takes is a few big wins. The first of which is this weekend against the drowning salsa.
Having already defeated Nick earlier in the season, there's still a ray of hope for Matty the Kid.
8.) (LW #8) Insane Clown Posse 4-4, 92.5 PPG [.139 NPRP]
With a record day from Calvin Johnson and a slew of other players who Bobby B only knows partially (Boykin is Green Bay's #2 WR, and you mispronounce a league-high 62% of players' names), the old man pulled out another win, his third straight.
Is this a streak? It sure doesn't feel like it, since you've only moved from 9th to 8th with your horrific PPG. But hey, this week seems to be a week of redemption and rematches. Let's see what happens when the 25-year couple faces off for the second time.
This is like the Thanksgiving game of the Captain's League: you know who the better team is, but there's family involved and it boosts everyone's spirits.
And who knows, maybe Roberto Marron can continue his racha.
9.) (LW #9) Kaep Happy 2-6, 99.63 PPG [.125 NPRP]
This week I was watching the games when I turned to my Dad and said, "Cheryl's probably whooping you this week. Kaepernick is going off and so is Reggie Bush."
Just then, Bush fumbled and Dad informed me that he was up big. He didn't look back.
I feel awful about this. I mean, I would still back this team over Dave's. I mean, 6th best PPG despite only two wins, and the second-most points allowed? Not even fair. If Cheryl had Dave's luck, she'd be undefeated.
10.) (LW #10) VERSACE VERSACE 2-6, 92.25 PPG [.115 NPRP]
As long as we're discussing how lucky Dave is, let's look at Corey's team. This is the ONLY team to allow more than 100 points per game. That is astoundingly frustrating. No one could win with that. If Dave, Mr. "Look at how good I am," played Corey's exact schedule, he's be 4-4. Think about that.
1.) (LW #1) Rank This 6-2, 107.75 PPG [.189 NPRP]
I spoke this past Monday on the phone with Dave. He called me and said, "Yes, I received a call from this number?" From that point, I knew I was in for a full lecture of disrespect.
Among his diatribe, however, Dave posed an excellent question. He asked me, "When does luck become skill?" Dave even appealed to my inner statistician: "Look at the numbers, I'm first in the league in points and I have the most wins. When does luck become skill?"
Well, let me use a few numbers on you, Mr. Smith. Of your 6 wins, 4 have come off of opponents boasting their worst performance of the season. Of the players you have picked up off the waiver wire (5), 3 have had season highs, with only ONE starting at the time. You are currently third in points allowed, and have only won ONE game with your opponent putting up more than 100 points. Curtis and Melinda, on the other hand, have won 2 with one less win to go off of.
This week you play Curtis, who is currently in second place. I want Curtis to win, but the Saints are playing the Jets, so half of your team should be scoring points as NOLA runs up the score (as usual).
2.) (LW #3) Probation 5-3, 106 PPG [.172 NPRP]
Curtis, I'm honestly pleased with your honor and skill this year. You've beaten worthy opponents and I think you've put together one hell of a squad.
I knew coming into this week that I was going to lose. My rabbi even assured me otherwise, but something told me that a Curtis beating was in the falling of the leaves.
Well, damn. I didn't expect a 50-point ravishing of my boys, but good show.
The whole league has your back, Curtis. I hope you know that. The force is with you, always.
3.) (LW #5) Cobra Commanders 5-3, 105 PPG [.171 NPRP]
Coming in JUST behind Curtis is a woman who (allegedly) feels lost in the world after being "ashamed" of her team. Because life is hard when you're in the top 5 all season long.
Mom beat up her youngest son this past weekend with no regard for human life, which was sickening to say the least.
And, alas, she's found her way back in the top 4, which would normally mean playoffs, but...EVERYONE IN HER DIVISION WON THIS WEEK.
That's right, the entire West division won, meaning they moved up. In that division? Dave, Curtis, Melinda, Sean, and Dad. If playoffs started today, only Dave and Curtis would make it in, as only 2 from each division a spot.
So, even though she has cracked the top 4, more wins are needed to finish with a playoff opportunity in her first season. And that streak needs to continue with a second consecutive win against Bobby B.
Without that win, however, playoff chances begin to diminish. And hey, it could be worse, like if there were 4 western teams on top of the Power Rankings?
4.) (LW #7) ~ Roswelker 4-4, 104.25 PPG [.156 NPRP]
OH NO.
For the first time this year, the top four teams are all in the same division. And with a little less than half the season left, each game becomes more and more pivotal.
And for the team formerly known as What Would Jones Drew, time might be running out. For a team with the fewest points allowed all season, luck needs to kick in like it has for Dave's team all season. 2 games back with 5 left, Sean will need to make quite the push to finish in the playoffs for the second consecutive year.
And, by going up against the seemingly cursed Kaep Happy, that run is looking more and more likely.
5.) (LW #2) Mama's Homemade Salsa 4-4, 100 PPG [.150 NPRP]
Ouch.
A brutal collapse has seemingly soiled the salsa. 2 weeks straight without a touchdown from ANY player other than a QB means dismal numbers, and dismal numbers of course means loss after loss after embarrassing loss. One tough lesson of fantasy football is that even though you know some games will be lost, you never expect a blowout, let alone 2 straight.
Hopefully Mama runs to Costco and picks up the ingredients to start anew against the Broken Clavicles this week who, after seemingly giving up last week, should be an easy win. then again, sometimes easy wins are taken lightly, and that's how upsets happen.
Let's hope the Salsa does some soul (and spice) searching this week and finds themselves.
6.) (LW #4) ~ Mosstradamus 4-4, 99.63 PPG [.149 NPRP]
By one one-thousandth of a point, Mosstradamus is in second place in the East despite being placed outside the top-5. But don't sleep on the kid, this giant is punctual and willing to fly off the cuff at any second for a thrill (and a win).
After a beautiful weekend despite the loss to Melinda, Will is looking to follow-up on his shots with Corey earlier in the year and ultimately seal the coffin on Corey's Championship chances.
A win here could also propel William back up the power rankings and earn him a playoff spot as well as sole custody of the "chip" persona.
A lot is on the line, but I'll let those two discuss it more on their personal blogs.
7.) (LW #6) Broken Clavicles 4-4, 93.28 PPG [.140 NPRP]
After a week of awful trade proposals, insults, and Monopoly debauchery, Matt smith may have given up on his season. After putting up 50 points in a loss, it seems like all may be lost.
Just one one-thousandth of a point away from falling into the abysmal zone (ranks 8-10), Matt has a lot to consider here. His team is falling apart, his dreams are being ripped away, his relationship with Kendall is hanging by a thread, and his schoolwork is suffering because of it.
As the prophecies fortold, the Broken Clavicles are breaking.
But...what's this?
It's not over, you say? There's still a chance?
Yes! With just a few more wins, Matt may make a move into second or even first in the East! All it takes is a few big wins. The first of which is this weekend against the drowning salsa.
Having already defeated Nick earlier in the season, there's still a ray of hope for Matty the Kid.
8.) (LW #8) Insane Clown Posse 4-4, 92.5 PPG [.139 NPRP]
With a record day from Calvin Johnson and a slew of other players who Bobby B only knows partially (Boykin is Green Bay's #2 WR, and you mispronounce a league-high 62% of players' names), the old man pulled out another win, his third straight.
Is this a streak? It sure doesn't feel like it, since you've only moved from 9th to 8th with your horrific PPG. But hey, this week seems to be a week of redemption and rematches. Let's see what happens when the 25-year couple faces off for the second time.
This is like the Thanksgiving game of the Captain's League: you know who the better team is, but there's family involved and it boosts everyone's spirits.
And who knows, maybe Roberto Marron can continue his racha.
9.) (LW #9) Kaep Happy 2-6, 99.63 PPG [.125 NPRP]
This week I was watching the games when I turned to my Dad and said, "Cheryl's probably whooping you this week. Kaepernick is going off and so is Reggie Bush."
Just then, Bush fumbled and Dad informed me that he was up big. He didn't look back.
I feel awful about this. I mean, I would still back this team over Dave's. I mean, 6th best PPG despite only two wins, and the second-most points allowed? Not even fair. If Cheryl had Dave's luck, she'd be undefeated.
10.) (LW #10) VERSACE VERSACE 2-6, 92.25 PPG [.115 NPRP]
As long as we're discussing how lucky Dave is, let's look at Corey's team. This is the ONLY team to allow more than 100 points per game. That is astoundingly frustrating. No one could win with that. If Dave, Mr. "Look at how good I am," played Corey's exact schedule, he's be 4-4. Think about that.
Monday, October 28, 2013
Shaggy's Picks - Week Nine
All the teams in the West division are going to win. Those
are also all the home teams this week. I
don’t think that’s a particularly bold prediction. And for all the hate towards Rank This, will
someone please beat him? I did my part
and I’m tired of being two games back.
Recap:
- Panthers 31, Buccs 13 +1
- Lions 31, Cowboys 30 +1 That awkward moment when Megatron has more yards than the entire Cowboys offense
- Chiefs 23, Browns 17 +1 Fear the Kool Aid Man. Hard to believe that the Chiefs are the last undefeated team
- Patriots 27, Dolphins 17 +1 I was really hoping that the Dolphins would pull this one off. And I almost started Chris Clay over Jimmy Graham
- Saints 35, Bills 17 +1 Speaking of Graham and his two touchdowns and partially torn plantar fascia
- Giants 15, Eagles 7 -1 One of my two misses this week, thanks to Vick’s -1 point outing. At least I played him this week.
- Packers 44, Vikings 31 +1 A surprisingly good game that kept me from studying and writing this last night
- Cardinals 27, Falcons 13 -1 My other miss this week. And a shocking one. Falcons are done. Overrated.
- Broncos 45, Skins 21 +1 I was really rooting for the Skins here to.
- Raiders 21, Steelers 18 +1 How bout Pryor’s 93 yard TD run!? How bout the fact that the Raiders only got 1 first down the entire second half. I thought they were gonna blow it in typical Raiders fashion
According to ESPN’s Adam Shefter “Chicago at Green Bay next
Monday night is the only game on the NFL’s week 9 schedule that matches two
teams with above .500 records.” I’m not sure I even want to look at the
schedule but since I’ve come this far….
Shaggy’s Picks:
- Bengals > Dolphins on Thursday night. I don’t think Andy Dalton throws another 5 TDs and whoever it was that caught four of them won’t do that again either
- Chiefs > Bills Until the Bills get healthy they’re just awful.
- Cowboys > Vikings I really hope the Vikings get up early tho so AP gets some carries
- Titans > Rams I don’t even know who the starting QBs are for these teams
- Chargers > Redskins I don’t know why.
- Seahawks > Buccs Too easy
- Panthers > Falcons A hunch, Falcons are banged up, Newton is gonna heat up
- Saints > Jets Also very easy
- Browns > Ravens Jason Campbell is back! I hope. Best of luck to him. His broken collarbone 2 years ago set the Raiders back 10 years.
- Raiders > Eagles Barkley looks like a typical USC QB. And some offensive genius Kelly turned out to be, they haven’t had an offensive TD in two weeks. And our D looked damn good, especially after being on the field the entire second half.
Lindy's Latte - Week Eight
After an embarrassing loss to
Versace Versace
Cobra Commanders have hit an all-time low, losing the company car, the golf
account, and every shred of dignity.
It didn’t help to open her Fantasy Football app early
Wednesday morning only to find nearly her entire line-up with BYEs this week
when she is going up against the reigning champion, Will Brown’s Mosstradamus.
Who knew that this was possible? Okay, she (having lost everything she can only
refer to herself in third person) has been told there was a list of BYE weeks
for each player to review during the draft. Rookie mistake.
Another teachable moment came shortly thereafter when she
discovered waivers and was able to research available players to move to her
team for this week’s game. Of course this meant losing a lot of players who
she’d hoped would someday live up to their potential, but probably wouldn’t.
Hope springs eternal until every player has a BYE. While she tries to raise
some element of hope in defeating Mosstradamus this week, she fears she needs a
BYE week of her own.
During Week 8 she will be mixing with moonshine to serve:
Trailer Trash Toddy
8 oz coffee
4 oz whiskey
4 oz amaretto almond
liqueur
1 1/2 oz whipped cream
Mix coffee, whiskey,
and Amaretto. Add Cream on top.
Melinda (Lindy) Brown is currently down on her luck, wandering the
seedy streets of the Grand Estates, searching for shelter from the desert sun,
and pirating internet from unsuspecting neighbors in order to maneuver her
lineup without the ridicule of the league.
Blog Downtime
Nicky B here, I just wanted to apologize for a lack of posts the past week or so. Lindy's Latte was in for Week 8, but was not posted at my own fault. My apologies.
-Nick
-Nick
Wednesday, October 23, 2013
Will's (Wizard) Wednesday Week 8 - Knock you Out
“Don’t call it a comeback, I’ve been here for years… I’m gonna knock you out, Mama’s Homemade Salsa said knock you out.” – LL Cool J
What a crazy week folks. Sean and I had a very back-and-forth
matchup that ended in my victory and extreme happiness in my first round draft
pick. Thank you Marshawn Lynch for coming through in the clutch. Many of you
have asked about my boy, David Wilson, ex-wizard and ex-starter and ex-guy with
a healthy neck. The loss of David Wilson was tough; it felt like I lost a son.
Just kidding, if I lost a son I would only have 4 fantasy points.
“Wow Will, too soon. Why do you have to be so vulgar?”
I’m returning this column to its roots, back when I would
take shots with cutting wit; no one is safe from Will’s Wizard Wednesday.
Well, well, well, this week I have a matchup against none
other than Melinda Brown herself, the one who rubbed the living of the dream in
Corey’s face. I have to respect the power play, and the G-Wagon. I also have to
respect the embarrassment that Corey laid down with Vincent Jackson.
“Yards, yards, yards…” – Corey Hewett (The Team)
[EDITOR”S NOTE: At this point in the column Will began to
vulgarly insult Dave and gave and in-depth 354 word bout of smack talk
regarding his current rank, it was removed for the final cut due to content]
Speaking of breaking bones, how about Matt and Bobby b with
the tie, going to the bench. Fortunately Bobbie’s bench is just as good as his
starting lineup so he took the win over Matt. (SHOTS FIRED)
This is a message for Matt: If he still keeps up to date on
the blogs, I hear you need running backs and the answer is yes, Joseph Randle
is on the wire. 8 points in his first game last week? I say the kid is coming
on strong and I spy… I just looked at Matt’s team and there is nobody that I
really want except for Brandon Marshall… Which would be a ridiculous trade
offer, which Will Wednesday does not support. Sorry Matt.
Will Brown is the author and founder of Will’s Wizard
Wednesday and finally has a winning record. Go figure.
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
Nick's Power Rankings, Week Eight
All scores are unofficial and were gathered at 12:52 AM Eastern Time on October 22, 2013
1.) (LW #2) Rank This 5-2, 106.14 PPG [.180 NPRP]
A lucky week for Dave has landed him in the top-spot once again. And this time, he has an odd matchup that might land in his favor.
This week Dave will face the last-place VERSACE VERSACE in order to maintain his reign over the league.
There's no metaphor here. No bashing, no dreaming, no symbolizing everything this game is and/or could be. It's just a straight-up brawl between first and last place.
And, while Dave gets his beloved Saints back in the midst of a win streak, Corey Hewett is mounting a streak of his own. Forget the spreads and forget everything you know about fantasy football, this one comes down to destiny.
2.) (LW #1) Mama's Homemade Salsa 4-3, 105.29 PPG [.164 NPRP]
Wouldn't you know it? After convincing myself for 3 weeks straight that Week 7 was a guaranteed win, I slept through the game. I forgot to click the "submit" button and lost my boy, Harry Douglas to Dave (who naturally put up more than 20 points). But oh well, as Hercules said in the critically acclaimed 1996 Romantic comedy, Hercules, "here are worth things than being slaughtered alive."
I mean, I think Herc says that. Anyways, in that movie he sings his way into stardom, falling in love with a cartoon version of Megan Fox NOT voiced by Megan Fox, and then loses all of his powers. that's the stage I'm in right now. I was deceived. And worse, I was deceived by myself.
So, now, I need to get my powers back, and I need to do so against the highly-underrated Curtis. But, just as the Beast says in oscar-award winning classic thriler, Beauty and the Beast, "Bought the Bentley Coupe cause [an African American gentleman] never had it, [women] [are attracted to me] I'mma show you who ratchet."
In other words, it's time to be bold and do think that this League hasn't seen before. And when [ladies] step, I'll show you who's "ratchet."
3.) (LW #) Probation 4-3, 105 PPG [.1636 NPRP]
I decided to make Curtis' NPRP rank 4 digits just to show exactly how close he is to being in 2nd place right now.
After two semi-easy weeks (losing one game he should have won), Curtis has a shot at the second best team in the country this week. Luckily, his opponent is exhausted, banged up, and has played 3 top-3 teams the past 3 weeks. Is any team is susceptible right now, it's the Salsa.
And, as we learned 2 weeks ago, Curtis cannot go lightly into a game and win, which means that he will bring all he has into this game. Maybe, by week's end, Curtis could pull off being number 1 in the league for the first time since his dream last night.
4.) (LW #6) ~ Mosstradamus 4-3, 104.14 PPG [.1623 NPRP]
This kid never goes away.
Seriously, he's like the plot of a generic alien invasion movie. He starts of doing really poorly. As in, he (mankind) is getting the snot kicked out of him y some alien mega-sneak attack until he practically disappears and you think it's over.
But that's when he comes out of the woodwork. You notice that he's gritty, determined, and has nothing left to lose on his quest to save his destiny. He pulls out all the stops and goes to heroic lengths to achieve a victory that is just so close you can taste it.
and that's when you find out that there are a lot more aliens than you realized, and that they have a secret weapon that makes your jaw drop like, "What?!? Really??? How do you keep THAT thing a secret??" Suddenly, the comeback seemed pointless and you realized that this is a sad movie and that there has to be some "Go Green" environmentalist message built in as the humans die off.
BUT WAIT! Did you forget about that little victory the humans had earlier that seemed really insignificant? Well guess what? that's going to be the thing that saves Will's Fantasy Football season, [gentleman]!
The credits roll as Will gets really close to a playoff spot, but then afterwards, you see a room full of alien eggs, and one of them cracks. Uh Oh.
So....uh...yeah. that's uh...That's Will's team.
(Written by Ridley Scott or JJ Abrams or me or some guy in a comic book shop).
5.) (LW #3) Cobra Commanders 4-3, 103.86 PPG [.1618 NPRP]
Unfortunately, Melinda has caught the case of the timber from her husband.
It's all right though, because she gets to golf in the Pink Tee tournament and drive the company car, so I suppose that 2 little losses are nothing to worry about for Mama B.
Despite Dave smith's prediction for Melinda's season, I see these two losses as nothing more than a fluke. She'll be back soon. And, who knows, maybe she'll be back in the form of the alien eggs in the high-budget sequel to Will's "Fantasy Alien Movie," starring (but NO DISRESPECT TO) Ben Affleck.
Mama plays her youngest son this week, and is putting on a game face that says "Will, you better write your freaking college essay or I will rip you from that Resident's Inn you call a life and cast you down with the sodomites."
There's a certain ferocity coming back in Mama b's game, and I expect a big turnout this week.
6.) (LW #4) Broken Clavicles 4-3, 99.57 PPG [.155 NPRP]
Oh Matt. Matty Matt, Matt, Matt.
Matt, Matt, MATT. Oh Matt. Ohhhhhh Matt. Have you listened to Katy Perry's "Roar" yet? It's pretty good. and by pretty good, I mean the greatest thing since Queen blessed the world with Bohemian Rhapsody. Why am I bringing this up? Because I want you in the fan club with me. I think you'd like it. I'm hoping that I get a Katy Perry t-shirt soon.
You might be SUPER confused right now, and that's OK, Matt. Because you got ROCKED in overtime by Bobby B. Are you seeing stars? Specifically, are you seeing the 5 star rating I gave Katy Perry's new album on iTunes after my pre-release stream through the fan club? Because you should. That kind of embarrassing loss has got to leave you pretty concussed. Plus, you lost Reggie Wayne for the year. Oh nooooooooooo. I can't imagine the pain you're in right now. I'm almost sorry, but then again, "Prism" came out today, so I really can't be TOO sorry.
And you play Sean this week, which could be rough (almost as rough as Katy Perry dating John Mayer), but at least you're a spot above him right now.
If you need some solace, though, just know that you're a firework.
7.) (LW #5) ~ Roswelker [formerly What would Jones Drew?] 3-4, 102.71 PPG [.146 NPRP]
Two tough upsets have led to an understandable name change. With MJD not producing, I think we can all support Sean's name change. I think it's creative and I'm proud of Sean for thinking of it.
This week, though, the new name will be put to the test against a (debatably) tougher opponent, the Broken clavicles.
It's now time that I come clean on something, by the way. "Clavicles" are collarbones, which are NOWHERE near the knee. It's been EIGHT weeks and NOBODY has commented on it. Seriously. Did no one notice? I did just this week, but thought it was too funny to change. I'm almost upset that no one has laughed at this.
Anyways, while I think it will be a blowout, have been almost habitually wrong the past few weeks. Sean needs to bring it all this game before his 3-game win streak proves to be all-for-not.
8.) (LW #9) Insane Clown Posse 3-4, 90 PPG [.1276 NPRP]
Another week of starting someone you really shouldn't have started, and somehow, you pulled out a win. The best part? You called your opponent "weak" this week despite your own record.
I hope this one holds up according to the stats bureau, because it actually propelled you up a spot, and I'm so proud of you for that. no bashing this week. we'll see how you do against the person you just passed, Cheryl.
9.) (LW #8) Kaep Happy 2-5, 100 PPG [.1275 NPRP]
All right, Cheryl. It's been a rough few weeks. But you know what? Let's put all that behind us. This is what you've been training so hard for. The day has almost arrived where you can bash in those stupid clowns that are in a posse for some reason. Clowns come in troupes, after all, and you're going to prove it with a big win to reclaim your spot.
10.) (LW #10) VERSACE VERSACE 2-5, 91.57 PPG [.117 NPRP]
Despite the incredible two-game win streak and my undying support for a comeback, this space has now been sold for ad space.
1.) (LW #2) Rank This 5-2, 106.14 PPG [.180 NPRP]
A lucky week for Dave has landed him in the top-spot once again. And this time, he has an odd matchup that might land in his favor.
This week Dave will face the last-place VERSACE VERSACE in order to maintain his reign over the league.
There's no metaphor here. No bashing, no dreaming, no symbolizing everything this game is and/or could be. It's just a straight-up brawl between first and last place.
And, while Dave gets his beloved Saints back in the midst of a win streak, Corey Hewett is mounting a streak of his own. Forget the spreads and forget everything you know about fantasy football, this one comes down to destiny.
2.) (LW #1) Mama's Homemade Salsa 4-3, 105.29 PPG [.164 NPRP]
Wouldn't you know it? After convincing myself for 3 weeks straight that Week 7 was a guaranteed win, I slept through the game. I forgot to click the "submit" button and lost my boy, Harry Douglas to Dave (who naturally put up more than 20 points). But oh well, as Hercules said in the critically acclaimed 1996 Romantic comedy, Hercules, "here are worth things than being slaughtered alive."
I mean, I think Herc says that. Anyways, in that movie he sings his way into stardom, falling in love with a cartoon version of Megan Fox NOT voiced by Megan Fox, and then loses all of his powers. that's the stage I'm in right now. I was deceived. And worse, I was deceived by myself.
So, now, I need to get my powers back, and I need to do so against the highly-underrated Curtis. But, just as the Beast says in oscar-award winning classic thriler, Beauty and the Beast, "Bought the Bentley Coupe cause [an African American gentleman] never had it, [women] [are attracted to me] I'mma show you who ratchet."
In other words, it's time to be bold and do think that this League hasn't seen before. And when [ladies] step, I'll show you who's "ratchet."
3.) (LW #) Probation 4-3, 105 PPG [.1636 NPRP]
I decided to make Curtis' NPRP rank 4 digits just to show exactly how close he is to being in 2nd place right now.
After two semi-easy weeks (losing one game he should have won), Curtis has a shot at the second best team in the country this week. Luckily, his opponent is exhausted, banged up, and has played 3 top-3 teams the past 3 weeks. Is any team is susceptible right now, it's the Salsa.
And, as we learned 2 weeks ago, Curtis cannot go lightly into a game and win, which means that he will bring all he has into this game. Maybe, by week's end, Curtis could pull off being number 1 in the league for the first time since his dream last night.
4.) (LW #6) ~ Mosstradamus 4-3, 104.14 PPG [.1623 NPRP]
This kid never goes away.
Seriously, he's like the plot of a generic alien invasion movie. He starts of doing really poorly. As in, he (mankind) is getting the snot kicked out of him y some alien mega-sneak attack until he practically disappears and you think it's over.
But that's when he comes out of the woodwork. You notice that he's gritty, determined, and has nothing left to lose on his quest to save his destiny. He pulls out all the stops and goes to heroic lengths to achieve a victory that is just so close you can taste it.
and that's when you find out that there are a lot more aliens than you realized, and that they have a secret weapon that makes your jaw drop like, "What?!? Really??? How do you keep THAT thing a secret??" Suddenly, the comeback seemed pointless and you realized that this is a sad movie and that there has to be some "Go Green" environmentalist message built in as the humans die off.
BUT WAIT! Did you forget about that little victory the humans had earlier that seemed really insignificant? Well guess what? that's going to be the thing that saves Will's Fantasy Football season, [gentleman]!
The credits roll as Will gets really close to a playoff spot, but then afterwards, you see a room full of alien eggs, and one of them cracks. Uh Oh.
So....uh...yeah. that's uh...That's Will's team.
(Written by Ridley Scott or JJ Abrams or me or some guy in a comic book shop).
5.) (LW #3) Cobra Commanders 4-3, 103.86 PPG [.1618 NPRP]
Unfortunately, Melinda has caught the case of the timber from her husband.
It's all right though, because she gets to golf in the Pink Tee tournament and drive the company car, so I suppose that 2 little losses are nothing to worry about for Mama B.
Despite Dave smith's prediction for Melinda's season, I see these two losses as nothing more than a fluke. She'll be back soon. And, who knows, maybe she'll be back in the form of the alien eggs in the high-budget sequel to Will's "Fantasy Alien Movie," starring (but NO DISRESPECT TO) Ben Affleck.
Mama plays her youngest son this week, and is putting on a game face that says "Will, you better write your freaking college essay or I will rip you from that Resident's Inn you call a life and cast you down with the sodomites."
There's a certain ferocity coming back in Mama b's game, and I expect a big turnout this week.
6.) (LW #4) Broken Clavicles 4-3, 99.57 PPG [.155 NPRP]
Oh Matt. Matty Matt, Matt, Matt.
Matt, Matt, MATT. Oh Matt. Ohhhhhh Matt. Have you listened to Katy Perry's "Roar" yet? It's pretty good. and by pretty good, I mean the greatest thing since Queen blessed the world with Bohemian Rhapsody. Why am I bringing this up? Because I want you in the fan club with me. I think you'd like it. I'm hoping that I get a Katy Perry t-shirt soon.
You might be SUPER confused right now, and that's OK, Matt. Because you got ROCKED in overtime by Bobby B. Are you seeing stars? Specifically, are you seeing the 5 star rating I gave Katy Perry's new album on iTunes after my pre-release stream through the fan club? Because you should. That kind of embarrassing loss has got to leave you pretty concussed. Plus, you lost Reggie Wayne for the year. Oh nooooooooooo. I can't imagine the pain you're in right now. I'm almost sorry, but then again, "Prism" came out today, so I really can't be TOO sorry.
And you play Sean this week, which could be rough (almost as rough as Katy Perry dating John Mayer), but at least you're a spot above him right now.
If you need some solace, though, just know that you're a firework.
7.) (LW #5) ~ Roswelker [formerly What would Jones Drew?] 3-4, 102.71 PPG [.146 NPRP]
Two tough upsets have led to an understandable name change. With MJD not producing, I think we can all support Sean's name change. I think it's creative and I'm proud of Sean for thinking of it.
This week, though, the new name will be put to the test against a (debatably) tougher opponent, the Broken clavicles.
It's now time that I come clean on something, by the way. "Clavicles" are collarbones, which are NOWHERE near the knee. It's been EIGHT weeks and NOBODY has commented on it. Seriously. Did no one notice? I did just this week, but thought it was too funny to change. I'm almost upset that no one has laughed at this.
Anyways, while I think it will be a blowout, have been almost habitually wrong the past few weeks. Sean needs to bring it all this game before his 3-game win streak proves to be all-for-not.
8.) (LW #9) Insane Clown Posse 3-4, 90 PPG [.1276 NPRP]
Another week of starting someone you really shouldn't have started, and somehow, you pulled out a win. The best part? You called your opponent "weak" this week despite your own record.
I hope this one holds up according to the stats bureau, because it actually propelled you up a spot, and I'm so proud of you for that. no bashing this week. we'll see how you do against the person you just passed, Cheryl.
9.) (LW #8) Kaep Happy 2-5, 100 PPG [.1275 NPRP]
All right, Cheryl. It's been a rough few weeks. But you know what? Let's put all that behind us. This is what you've been training so hard for. The day has almost arrived where you can bash in those stupid clowns that are in a posse for some reason. Clowns come in troupes, after all, and you're going to prove it with a big win to reclaim your spot.
10.) (LW #10) VERSACE VERSACE 2-5, 91.57 PPG [.117 NPRP]
Despite the incredible two-game win streak and my undying support for a comeback, this space has now been sold for ad space.
Monday, October 21, 2013
Shaggy's Picks - Week Eight
I’m gonna make this short and sweet. Sorry for missing last week. Midterms are kind of more important. I don’t wanna spend any more time here than I
have to.
I don’t have to recap anything cause I didn’t make any
picks. But holy cow there was a lot of
injuries. And I hope everyone saw that
hit by the Colts kicker last night. He
laid that guy out.
Picks (every game
looks really easy to pick right now)
- Panthers > Buccs on Thursday night
- Lions > Cowboys
- Chiefs are gonna go 9-0 but first they beat the Browns
- Pats > Dolphins
- Saints > Bills with or without Graham
- Eagles > Giants
- Packers > Vikings
- Falcons > Cards
- Broncos > Skins
- And Da Raiders beat the Steelers
This week’s byes: Bears, Titans, Dolts, Texans and Ravens
Friday, October 18, 2013
Lindy's Latte - Week Seven
I have one thing to say about last week’s performance by the
Cobra Commanders:
And she gets to play golf for free on the boss’s account:
Now that that’s over, we can move on to this week’s matchup against:
Times Two
Game
on, Corey. I do think that your win last week is an omen that several sleeper
players have woken up, smelled the coffee and are cranking up for a comeback.
Versace for Rosenthal Les Tresors De La Mer set for approx. $1,150 + S&H
Lindy won’t be serving them lattes this week, however. And since I don’t
believe the players on Cobra Commanders will be going to sleep again this week,
I predict Versace Versace to look more like this at the end of week seven:
This week Lindy will be proudly
serving:
The Valentino:
1 TB
sambuca
1 TB
Bailey's® Irish cream
1 TB
white creme de menthe
Coffee
Whipped cream
Pour
all ingredients into an Irish coffee cup. Add hot black coffee, top with
whipped cream, and serve.
Lindy (Melinda) Brown is the author
of Winter’s Sister, and a consultant
for the Las Vegas Review-Journal. She
drives a company car:
Yes, Corey, it's a G-Wagon
And she gets to play golf for free on the boss’s account:
Thursday, October 17, 2013
Corey's Corner - "Corey Hewett, Nice To Meet You"
What up readers? Ya boi is back and better than ever.
I feel rejuvenated after my little hiatus.
For those wondering what happened, no, I was not suspended for the blog I wrote about Will. I know I really gave it to him good. I heard I messed him up so bad mentally that he forgot his homecomings date corsage at home on the night of the dance.
Got em.
Sorry William, someone had to give you the lesson because I know Melinda "I drive a g-wagon, look at me" Brown isn't.
Got em.
(Takes a deep breath)
Yeah, like I said I am back and better than ever.
Alright readers the real reason why I didn't write my weekly blog last week was because I was swamped by interviews.
Yes everyone it is true. Starting next May I will begin what is known as "big boy life".
I will do what so many people do around this world. I will begin to work myself to death and forget all about this thing called "fun".
No longer will I be able to stay up to 10 PM. No longer will I be able to sleep in. No longer will I get to golf for free on my bosses account. The dream is over.
So readers this week I thought I would change this blog up. I am going to ask myself typical interview questions but I will answer them in a football fantasy way. Let's see how this goes.
Good morning Mr. Hewett. How are you today?
I'm ight, you?
Ummmm I am ight as well I guess. So tell me Corey what is the biggest weakness you see right now facing your league?
Well to be honest, I think the biggest weakness my league faces right now is that each team is just missing that one special piece to just make them amazing. Take for example Williams team. He has an amazing wide receiver corps. You can book 30 points every week from those two. They are just unstoppable. His quarterback is solid and his flex will do. But Williams weakness is his running backs. When he drafted he counted on David Wilson to lead him to the promise land, but David ain't no Moses. If William had 1 amazing running back or even two solid more running backs, his team would be hotter than Kate Upton.
Oh I like the pop culture reference Corey. I see you keep up with today's hip events. You know accountants are all about what is hip (rich man laugh). Anyways Mr. Hewett, who do you see as the biggest threat to Versace Versace enterprises?
Well before Julio Jones went down I would have said Curtis. His team is actually really well constructed. But now I am going to go with a tie between Broken Clavicles and Mamas Homemade Salsa. I really think Matt has a solid team. A few people around the league think I am crazy but he really does have a nice squad. When Vick comes back and when Matt realizes Demarco Murray should not be a starter, he is going to be really dangerous. I wouldn't be surprised to see him in the playoffs. Now as for Mama, I just fear this team because of the GM. As much as I despise him as a commish, this man can manage a team. Nick "Karl Mark" Brown is constantly showing me why he is a force to be dealt with cautiously. It seems like every year he guides his team to the playoffs and that is something to be admired. Let's just say in this case, I would be shocked if Nick DOESN'T make the playoffs.
Wow what a strong compliment for a competitor. I like to see that in my candidates. Now tell me Corey, as of right now how do you see the season unfolding?
Oh wow what a great question. Alright I see mama and clavicles coming out of the east division. Then I see Cobra and Jones drew coming out of the west. I would have said Probation but when you lose a star like Julio it's tough to come back from that. So in the first round I see (1) mama vs (4) Jones Drew, I think the game will be really close but Mama will move on to the championship. In the other match up I see (2) Cobra vs. (3) Clavicle. This game I think will actually be a blow out. Clavicle will move on to the championship game only because by week 14 the broncos will have clinched a playoff berth and they will bench Peyton manning. Cobra is built on Pey Pey and without him playing Melinda's Cinderella story will strike 12. Now in the championship game I see Nick finally capturing what he deserves. Yes, folks my biggest rival will finally capture something that has been evading him for so many years. Mama have fun at Disneyland, you deserve it.
Very in depth Corey, I enjoyed that a lot. Alright a few more questions. Who do you see coming back next year with a vengeance?
Oh that is an easy one. Bobbie B. The man is just not trying this year. He put no effort in prepping for the draft and it shows. The man doesn't even know what #MockDraftMonday is. I think next year he drafts a stellar team and becomes a force once again.
Alright let's do a little rapid fire. You ready?
Shoot.
Most likely to get last place?
Myself or Insane
Most likely to finish up .500?
Rank This
Most likely to make a trade at the deadline?
No one. Everyone in the league is afraid to take a risk.
Most likely to look back on there team and think I could have won it all?
Probation, Julio killed him.
Who is going to really close to the playoffs but just miss it?
-Moss, again he just needs that one piece.
Best quote of the season?
Timberrrrrrr
Best moment so far?
Nick making that video for the Makinson Bowl.
Thank you Corey. Anything else you want to say before we conclude this interview?
Fantasy football baby, you got to love it. Also, let's talk company car...
Corey Hewett- is a freelance photographer, business consultant, and advertising specialist for the Las Vegas Review Journal. He also is a full time student at the University of Nevada, Reno. He would like you all to know that is feels good to win.
I feel rejuvenated after my little hiatus.
For those wondering what happened, no, I was not suspended for the blog I wrote about Will. I know I really gave it to him good. I heard I messed him up so bad mentally that he forgot his homecomings date corsage at home on the night of the dance.
Got em.
Sorry William, someone had to give you the lesson because I know Melinda "I drive a g-wagon, look at me" Brown isn't.
Got em.
(Takes a deep breath)
Yeah, like I said I am back and better than ever.
Alright readers the real reason why I didn't write my weekly blog last week was because I was swamped by interviews.
Yes everyone it is true. Starting next May I will begin what is known as "big boy life".
I will do what so many people do around this world. I will begin to work myself to death and forget all about this thing called "fun".
No longer will I be able to stay up to 10 PM. No longer will I be able to sleep in. No longer will I get to golf for free on my bosses account. The dream is over.
So readers this week I thought I would change this blog up. I am going to ask myself typical interview questions but I will answer them in a football fantasy way. Let's see how this goes.
Good morning Mr. Hewett. How are you today?
I'm ight, you?
Ummmm I am ight as well I guess. So tell me Corey what is the biggest weakness you see right now facing your league?
Well to be honest, I think the biggest weakness my league faces right now is that each team is just missing that one special piece to just make them amazing. Take for example Williams team. He has an amazing wide receiver corps. You can book 30 points every week from those two. They are just unstoppable. His quarterback is solid and his flex will do. But Williams weakness is his running backs. When he drafted he counted on David Wilson to lead him to the promise land, but David ain't no Moses. If William had 1 amazing running back or even two solid more running backs, his team would be hotter than Kate Upton.
Oh I like the pop culture reference Corey. I see you keep up with today's hip events. You know accountants are all about what is hip (rich man laugh). Anyways Mr. Hewett, who do you see as the biggest threat to Versace Versace enterprises?
Well before Julio Jones went down I would have said Curtis. His team is actually really well constructed. But now I am going to go with a tie between Broken Clavicles and Mamas Homemade Salsa. I really think Matt has a solid team. A few people around the league think I am crazy but he really does have a nice squad. When Vick comes back and when Matt realizes Demarco Murray should not be a starter, he is going to be really dangerous. I wouldn't be surprised to see him in the playoffs. Now as for Mama, I just fear this team because of the GM. As much as I despise him as a commish, this man can manage a team. Nick "Karl Mark" Brown is constantly showing me why he is a force to be dealt with cautiously. It seems like every year he guides his team to the playoffs and that is something to be admired. Let's just say in this case, I would be shocked if Nick DOESN'T make the playoffs.
Wow what a strong compliment for a competitor. I like to see that in my candidates. Now tell me Corey, as of right now how do you see the season unfolding?
Oh wow what a great question. Alright I see mama and clavicles coming out of the east division. Then I see Cobra and Jones drew coming out of the west. I would have said Probation but when you lose a star like Julio it's tough to come back from that. So in the first round I see (1) mama vs (4) Jones Drew, I think the game will be really close but Mama will move on to the championship. In the other match up I see (2) Cobra vs. (3) Clavicle. This game I think will actually be a blow out. Clavicle will move on to the championship game only because by week 14 the broncos will have clinched a playoff berth and they will bench Peyton manning. Cobra is built on Pey Pey and without him playing Melinda's Cinderella story will strike 12. Now in the championship game I see Nick finally capturing what he deserves. Yes, folks my biggest rival will finally capture something that has been evading him for so many years. Mama have fun at Disneyland, you deserve it.
Very in depth Corey, I enjoyed that a lot. Alright a few more questions. Who do you see coming back next year with a vengeance?
Oh that is an easy one. Bobbie B. The man is just not trying this year. He put no effort in prepping for the draft and it shows. The man doesn't even know what #MockDraftMonday is. I think next year he drafts a stellar team and becomes a force once again.
Alright let's do a little rapid fire. You ready?
Shoot.
Most likely to get last place?
Myself or Insane
Most likely to finish up .500?
Rank This
Most likely to make a trade at the deadline?
No one. Everyone in the league is afraid to take a risk.
Most likely to look back on there team and think I could have won it all?
Probation, Julio killed him.
Who is going to really close to the playoffs but just miss it?
-Moss, again he just needs that one piece.
Best quote of the season?
Timberrrrrrr
Best moment so far?
Nick making that video for the Makinson Bowl.
Thank you Corey. Anything else you want to say before we conclude this interview?
Fantasy football baby, you got to love it. Also, let's talk company car...
Corey Hewett- is a freelance photographer, business consultant, and advertising specialist for the Las Vegas Review Journal. He also is a full time student at the University of Nevada, Reno. He would like you all to know that is feels good to win.
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
Nick's Power Rankings, Week Seven
All scores are unofficial and were gathered at 12:10 AM Eastern Time on October 15, 2013.
1.) (LW #3) Mama's Homemade Salsa 4-2, 109.67 PPG [.180 NPRP]
UPSET SPECIAL this week as 3 of the top 5 teams lost to their opponents, cause quite the shake-up in our power rankings. However, for the THIRD time this season Mama's Homemade Salsa came out hot and beat the top team in the League.
And, while Victor Cruz struggled with 6 points on Thursday night, there was a spectacle going on this weekend:
And coming into Week Seven, Vegas LOVES the Salsa this week against number 2 Rank This, placing Mama as a record 69 point favorite. Expect some whoopin in the mix this week, as Nicky B looks to become the first owner to stay in first place for more than a week straight.
2.) (LW #5) Rank This 4-2, 106.33 PPG [.175 NPRP]
In a lucky jump in th polls, Dave has once again found himself among the top three after a CLOSE win against his wife Cheryl (for more, see "STAT TIME" under Kaep Happy below).
Dave almost made it to the top spot, coming to within .005 NPRP of the leader who he will face this week.
This matchup will be especially difficult, considering the fact that the New Orleans Saints are on a bye and Dave's top 2 draft picks are both Saints. No, this week Dave will most likely be starting Eli Manning at quarterback and Matt Forte as his only running back (Darren McFadden is also on Bye and James Starks is hurt).
Yes, it looks like it will be a fun weekend at the top of the Power Rankings.
3.) (LW #1) Cobra Commanders 4-2, 105.17 PPG [.173 NPRP]
A rough week for Mama Brown after hitting first place for the second time all season. And yet, despite Pey Pey's roughest week thus far, she still remains in the top 3, with so much room for improvement.
Despite her lowest scoring effort, a dismal 65 points, Mama B marched with digniy into a dogfight and escaped with honor and a respectable 105 points per game.
And this week, Melinda comes in as the underdog against a team looking to gain some dignity of it's own: VERSACE VERSACE. This game, while largely advertised as a blowout, should be a firefight to the end. Melinda's Commanders are the only team to not have dropped out of the Top 5 all-season, and Corey Hewett is looking to climb his way out of a last-place spot that has haunted him and any dreams of a legacy.
This game will shape the future of this league and of these two teams. That's why I'm predicting it to be my game of the week.
4.) (LW #7) Broken Clavicles 4-2, 99.5 PPG [.164 NPRP]
Well, just like with his father, Matt has surpassed my expectations thus far this season. This past weekend he spanked his younger brother in such a fashion that only an older brother can truly appreciate. Matt even texted me on Thursday night about the whoopin that he was about to lay on Curtis.
However, Matt also failed to write the blog that I asked him to last Thursday, and because of that I will NOT lay off on his team.
Matt's team is STILL 8th in the League in points per game despite his ranking. Luck has guided him, not hope, and definitely not skill. All four of his wins have seem to be flukes - sheer acts of God to have entertained us.
Unfortunately, Matt plays Bobby B this week, who now ranks dead last in points per game. So, more than likely, Matt will be moving up this time next week.
He's ruined the sanctity of this top-four. His team is a mockery to those of us who have spent our lives studying the sweet science of this beautiful game. He has soiled our Sunday best and slapped our imaginary children into the depths of space. This scum does not deserve this spot.
5.) (LW #2) What Would Jones Drew? 3-3, 107.17 PPG [.159 NPRP]
As if Roswell wasn't tough enough on the guy, he didn't submit his picks AND he suffred his roughest week of fantasy football yet.
The good news? Sean learns. And fast. This will be his lowest scoring game of the season and I thnk he bounces back this week with a big game against younger brother, Will.
And it gets better: Sean is ahead of Will in the rankings by a mere .003 NPRP, so this game will launch one team into stardom while forcing the other to my swallowed whole by the Sarlacc pit that is the bitter depths of the Power Rankings.
So will Sean squeak by by the 2 point advantage he was over Will in PPG?
6.) (LW #4) ~ Mosstradamus 3-3, 105.17 PPG [.156 NPRP]
Or will Will overcome adversity and propel himself back into the league's elite ranks? [Side note: See what I did there?]
Will suffered a difficult loss this week to Bobby B and his clowns despite Pops' starting of Calvin Johnson. This game, while not predicted to be much more than a minor speedbump on Will's road to a playoff spot, set him (and the league) back in a number of ways.
Firstly, it helped launch Matt into his ridiculously high spot. Secondly, it kept Corey in dead last despite his big win over Sean. And thirdly, it made Dad smile in the car ride home from Phoenix.
That is all.
7.) (LW #6) Probation 3-3, 103.83 PPG [.154 NPRP]
Oh, Curtis. Curtis, Curtis, Curtis. I'm so sorry, bud. Every time I back this team, they seem to lose to teams they should have beaten. So, due to this most recent tragedy, I will begin to bash this team in hopes that it reverse-jinxes them back to the top.
Curtis, do you really expect to beat your Mom this week? Every time you have played someone you have blood ties with, you've been dismantled. I mean, your Dad showed you the meaning of fury in week one and Matt taught you how to say it in 6 languages last week.
I mean, yeah, your mom has lost four games straight now, but I think this will be her week. Your team is weaker than I anticipated, and I'm just so upset that I backed you early.
You've disgraced my word, making it about as valuable as Kim Kardashian supporting something superficial. I can't even make that into a good joke because your team has broken my brain. Why can't you just change your team name? You know why I named it Probation Probation? Because I was lazy and already named Matt's team something funny. I mean...can you just....can you....CURTIS!
8.) (LW #8) Kaep Happy 2-4, 100 PPG [.131 NPRP]
Dear Cheryl,
I really hope you get a win this week. I think your team is really good. I mean, it's been a rough couple of weeks, but I believe in you. I thought that this was your week, but OF COURSE Dave had to get his vengeance from that game against my mom.
But don't worry! Things are going to turn around! My reverse jinx in Curtis' favor will probably triple-jinx in yours. If that doesn't make sense, don't worry, just believe in your team and push through the struggle. Dreams lay on the other side.
Love,
Nick.
9.) (LW #9) Insane Clown Posse 2-4, 88.33 PPG [.116 NPRP]
Dad, you got your second win. Somehow, you got it despite your obvious attempts to purposefully lose by starting players who are inactive AGAIN in order to gain a better draft pick next year.
Well I have bad news for you Dad, even if you finish dead last this year, it won't help your draft position next year.
And, with that revelation, I'm going to leave you here, as you wished to leave me. Buried alive. Buried alive.
10.) (LW #10) VERSACE VERSACE 1-5, 89 PPG [.102 NPRP]
It's a boy dance party! Versace not only got a win, but they won by 70, the largest margin of victory all season long. Well done, good sir, but you still need another to get out of 10th.
1.) (LW #3) Mama's Homemade Salsa 4-2, 109.67 PPG [.180 NPRP]
UPSET SPECIAL this week as 3 of the top 5 teams lost to their opponents, cause quite the shake-up in our power rankings. However, for the THIRD time this season Mama's Homemade Salsa came out hot and beat the top team in the League.
And, while Victor Cruz struggled with 6 points on Thursday night, there was a spectacle going on this weekend:
And coming into Week Seven, Vegas LOVES the Salsa this week against number 2 Rank This, placing Mama as a record 69 point favorite. Expect some whoopin in the mix this week, as Nicky B looks to become the first owner to stay in first place for more than a week straight.
2.) (LW #5) Rank This 4-2, 106.33 PPG [.175 NPRP]
In a lucky jump in th polls, Dave has once again found himself among the top three after a CLOSE win against his wife Cheryl (for more, see "STAT TIME" under Kaep Happy below).
Dave almost made it to the top spot, coming to within .005 NPRP of the leader who he will face this week.
This matchup will be especially difficult, considering the fact that the New Orleans Saints are on a bye and Dave's top 2 draft picks are both Saints. No, this week Dave will most likely be starting Eli Manning at quarterback and Matt Forte as his only running back (Darren McFadden is also on Bye and James Starks is hurt).
Yes, it looks like it will be a fun weekend at the top of the Power Rankings.
3.) (LW #1) Cobra Commanders 4-2, 105.17 PPG [.173 NPRP]
A rough week for Mama Brown after hitting first place for the second time all season. And yet, despite Pey Pey's roughest week thus far, she still remains in the top 3, with so much room for improvement.
Despite her lowest scoring effort, a dismal 65 points, Mama B marched with digniy into a dogfight and escaped with honor and a respectable 105 points per game.
And this week, Melinda comes in as the underdog against a team looking to gain some dignity of it's own: VERSACE VERSACE. This game, while largely advertised as a blowout, should be a firefight to the end. Melinda's Commanders are the only team to not have dropped out of the Top 5 all-season, and Corey Hewett is looking to climb his way out of a last-place spot that has haunted him and any dreams of a legacy.
This game will shape the future of this league and of these two teams. That's why I'm predicting it to be my game of the week.
4.) (LW #7) Broken Clavicles 4-2, 99.5 PPG [.164 NPRP]
Well, just like with his father, Matt has surpassed my expectations thus far this season. This past weekend he spanked his younger brother in such a fashion that only an older brother can truly appreciate. Matt even texted me on Thursday night about the whoopin that he was about to lay on Curtis.
However, Matt also failed to write the blog that I asked him to last Thursday, and because of that I will NOT lay off on his team.
Matt's team is STILL 8th in the League in points per game despite his ranking. Luck has guided him, not hope, and definitely not skill. All four of his wins have seem to be flukes - sheer acts of God to have entertained us.
Unfortunately, Matt plays Bobby B this week, who now ranks dead last in points per game. So, more than likely, Matt will be moving up this time next week.
He's ruined the sanctity of this top-four. His team is a mockery to those of us who have spent our lives studying the sweet science of this beautiful game. He has soiled our Sunday best and slapped our imaginary children into the depths of space. This scum does not deserve this spot.
MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!
5.) (LW #2) What Would Jones Drew? 3-3, 107.17 PPG [.159 NPRP]
As if Roswell wasn't tough enough on the guy, he didn't submit his picks AND he suffred his roughest week of fantasy football yet.
The good news? Sean learns. And fast. This will be his lowest scoring game of the season and I thnk he bounces back this week with a big game against younger brother, Will.
And it gets better: Sean is ahead of Will in the rankings by a mere .003 NPRP, so this game will launch one team into stardom while forcing the other to my swallowed whole by the Sarlacc pit that is the bitter depths of the Power Rankings.
So will Sean squeak by by the 2 point advantage he was over Will in PPG?
6.) (LW #4) ~ Mosstradamus 3-3, 105.17 PPG [.156 NPRP]
Or will Will overcome adversity and propel himself back into the league's elite ranks? [Side note: See what I did there?]
Will suffered a difficult loss this week to Bobby B and his clowns despite Pops' starting of Calvin Johnson. This game, while not predicted to be much more than a minor speedbump on Will's road to a playoff spot, set him (and the league) back in a number of ways.
Firstly, it helped launch Matt into his ridiculously high spot. Secondly, it kept Corey in dead last despite his big win over Sean. And thirdly, it made Dad smile in the car ride home from Phoenix.
That is all.
7.) (LW #6) Probation 3-3, 103.83 PPG [.154 NPRP]
Oh, Curtis. Curtis, Curtis, Curtis. I'm so sorry, bud. Every time I back this team, they seem to lose to teams they should have beaten. So, due to this most recent tragedy, I will begin to bash this team in hopes that it reverse-jinxes them back to the top.
Curtis, do you really expect to beat your Mom this week? Every time you have played someone you have blood ties with, you've been dismantled. I mean, your Dad showed you the meaning of fury in week one and Matt taught you how to say it in 6 languages last week.
I mean, yeah, your mom has lost four games straight now, but I think this will be her week. Your team is weaker than I anticipated, and I'm just so upset that I backed you early.
You've disgraced my word, making it about as valuable as Kim Kardashian supporting something superficial. I can't even make that into a good joke because your team has broken my brain. Why can't you just change your team name? You know why I named it Probation Probation? Because I was lazy and already named Matt's team something funny. I mean...can you just....can you....CURTIS!
CUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!
Dear Cheryl,
I really hope you get a win this week. I think your team is really good. I mean, it's been a rough couple of weeks, but I believe in you. I thought that this was your week, but OF COURSE Dave had to get his vengeance from that game against my mom.
But don't worry! Things are going to turn around! My reverse jinx in Curtis' favor will probably triple-jinx in yours. If that doesn't make sense, don't worry, just believe in your team and push through the struggle. Dreams lay on the other side.
Love,
Nick.
9.) (LW #9) Insane Clown Posse 2-4, 88.33 PPG [.116 NPRP]
Dad, you got your second win. Somehow, you got it despite your obvious attempts to purposefully lose by starting players who are inactive AGAIN in order to gain a better draft pick next year.
Well I have bad news for you Dad, even if you finish dead last this year, it won't help your draft position next year.
And, with that revelation, I'm going to leave you here, as you wished to leave me. Buried alive. Buried alive.
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBB!!!
10.) (LW #10) VERSACE VERSACE 1-5, 89 PPG [.102 NPRP]
It's a boy dance party! Versace not only got a win, but they won by 70, the largest margin of victory all season long. Well done, good sir, but you still need another to get out of 10th.
Friday, October 11, 2013
Lindy's Latte - Week Six
Did I mention the super hero cape sported by LAST year’s
champion Will Brown actually belongs to his MAMA? Yes, yours truly, Cobra
Commander. With that said, I’m as surprised as anyone to find my team alone at
4-1 entering the sixth week of league play. While I can’t deny feeling relief
at surviving last week’s battle with the formidable Cheryl Smith’s Kaep Happy,
I admit the victory was bittersweet because . . .
I’m still holding hope for a playoff of the MAMAs.
Yet this week I face the commissioner himself, Nick Brown,
whose blogs have been both educational and entertaining. While I have come to
depend on his advice in navigating through the world of fantasy football, I’ve
also discovered his mentorship waning these past few weeks. He seems a bit
frustrated by my desire to dominate, I mean—have fun. So let’s take a look at
an excerpt from Nick’s Power Rankings
Week Six, in which I have made a few corrections (noted
in red):
What became of that kingdom? None remained who knew. The memory of the kingdom vanished, but its legend survived on the wind's breath. But the time has come when the great evil has returned in the form of a dark queen by the name of Melinda (his MAMA).
It is now that the Hero of Time is most needed, in the form of Nick.
Clothed in green as the legends fortold, and wielding his powerful (MAMA’S) salsa, Nick must once again overcome the top seed, as he did before with Sean the Terrible and Cheryl the not-as-terrible-but-freakishly-streaky-points-wise.
Despite Nick's greatest downfall last week to his easiest opponent, he must use his power to live up to the Legend of the (his MAMA’s) SALSA.
That’s right, folks. HIS
MAMA’S SALSA! I didn’t name his team, he did. Yet I must take credit for
the power of the SALSA. And despite my
undying love for my son, this MAMA is bringing on some heat this week. Nick has
been known to source the ghost chili, aka Bhut Jolokia chili pepper, as his
secret heat weapon of choice, but what he doesn’t realize is this MAMA is
chopping up some Trinidad Moruga Scorpions for her team this week. According to
The Scoville Ratings of Peppers, “The
Trinidad Moruga Scorpions are rated at 1,500,000 – 2,000,000 SHU’s (Scoville
Heat Units) compared to the Ghost Pepper’s measly 855,000 – 1,463,700 SHU’s.
So, while I hate to see grown men cry, I cannot show mercy and will apologize
in advance for stealing your dream.
This week we’ll be serving:
Mama’s Flaming Heat
3/4 oz Kahlua® coffee
liqueur
3/4 oz peppermint
schnapps
Coffee
Pour ingredients into a
mixing glass, shake, and pour into a coffee mug. Add sugar and cream if
desired, and serve.
Melinda Brown, also known as MAMA B, is the owner of Cobra Commanders,
also known as this week’s top ranked team—yes, I did mention that already!
Wednesday, October 9, 2013
Will's (Wizard) Wednesday Week Five - Squashed Beef
Well folks,
it was an eventful week for Mosstradamus. I would like to start by saying that
Corey was a respectable opponent who made some ballsy moves, which I respect.
Starting Danny Woodhead? Rashad Jennings? Benching Roddy White? Gotta have love
for the kid, shouts out to Dez Bryant for once again proving he was a better
pick than Calvin this year. The real event this week was David Wilson FINALLY
scoring a touchdown!!!!
… He also
got injured leaving me without a RB2 and unable to trade for one due to Corey
and I’s bet. But don’t fret my friends, I am about to lay down the law… FIRM
Let's talk
about Sean and Dave’s matchup. This week proved that when the Saints have a
real matchup, Dave would fail immensely. It also proved that Sean has no taste
in fantasy football names, superstition has taken over his team unfortunately.
ROSWELKER? COME ON!!! (Editor's Note: That name is gold).
I know you
were all expecting another column that basically ripped Corey apart in 500
words but I feel that our beef is put on hold until playoff time, when I claim
the title Chip Buckerman once and for all. I’ve already mentioned that I
respect the man, and I look forward to hear about his outcries of 0-5ness in
his column tomorrow.
Let's talk
about Bobby B. I’m playing the insane clown posse this weekend and
unfortunately I think he will learn his lesson and bench injured/backup
players. Last time I beat this guy was a close matchup that lead to me winning
the championship. Do you guys remember that? I sure do.
All I have
to say to Bobby B is, can you smell it?
Will Brown
is the owner of the Corey Hewett-beating team Mosstradamus and would like you
to know he does not shine shoes, he does not tape ankles, and he does not cut
checks. Straight cash homie.
Tuesday, October 8, 2013
Nick's Power Rankings Week Six
All scores are unofficial and were gathered at 3:10 AM Eastern Time on October 8, 2013.
1.) (LW #3) Cobra Commanders 4-1, 113.2 PPG [.197 NPRP]
What can I say about my mom this week? First off, she is living proof that a little crush never hurt anyone. Peyton Manning is the fantasy football plague that she uses to inflict pain on her enemies.
Even when my mom loses, she wins. for the second time in the history of this league, she has gained a win thanks to a stat correction last week, only to put a thumping on fellow feminist icon Cheryl Smith. Melinda Brown is the Queen of Hearts, and she's coming for heads.
With absolutely NO regard for human life, she boasts a promising lead on the rest of the league at .197 NPRP, and she needs to have her little kingdom overthrown, but who will rise to save the land from well-written and perpetually wined darkness? Who will be the hero to save us?
2.) (LW #4) What Would Jones Drew? 3-2, 117.4 PPG [.181 NPRP]
BRINGING THE RUCKUS. Thanks to Roswell, New Mexico's lack of life/internet/joy, Sean Brown has been more focused than ever on mounting a historic comeback. And, after a three win streak, he cruises into a game with the star-crossed Corey Hewett.
Sean has systematically dismantled opponents his last few weeks, and I dont see how this matchup will be any different. I really don't know what else to say, the kid is on fire.
3.) (LW #2) Mama's Homemade Salsa 3-2, 111.6 PPG [.173 NPRP]
Long ago, there existed a kingdom where a golden power lay hidden. It was a prosperous land blessed with green forests, tall mountains, and peace. But one day, a man of great evil found the golden power and took it for himself. With its strength at his command, he spread darkness across the kingdom. But then, when all hope had died, and the hour of doom seemed at hand... a young boy clothed in green appeared as if from nowhere.
Wielding the blade of evil's bane, he sealed the dark one away and gave the land light. This boy, who traveled through time to save the land, was known as the Hero of Time. The boy's tale was passed down through generations until it became legend...
But then... a day came when a fell wind began to blow across the kingdom. The great evil that all thought had been forever sealed by the hero... once again crept forth from the depths of the earth eager to resume its dark designs under a new, brutal ruler. The people believed that the Hero of Time would again come to save them... But the hero did not appear. Faced by an onslaught of evil, the people could do nothing but appeal to the gods. In their last hours, as doom drew nigh, they left their future in the hands of fate.
What became of that kingdom? None remained who knew. The memory of the kingdom vanished, but its legend survived on the wind's breath. But the time has come when the great evil has returned in the form of a dark queen by the name of Melinda.
It is now that the Hero of Time is most needed, in the form of Nick.
Clothed in green as the legends fortold, and wielding his powerful salsa, Nick must once again overcome the top seed, as he did before with Sean the Terrible and Cheryl the not-as-terrible-but-freakishly-streaky-points-wise.
Despite Nick's greatest downfall last week to his easiest opponent, he must use his power to live up to the Legend of the SALSA.
This week I was fortunate enough to sit down with Hall-of-Fame rapper, humanitarian, and millionaire Lil B, in order to ask him his opinions on The Captain's League. Respectfully, he cut to the chase in order to address the bad blood between William Brown and Corey Hewett. He loves both competitors deeply, and suggested they "keep breathin'." And, while he refused to comment on who he thought would win the bet between the two, he did make a pick regarding the two's head-to-head matchup. He simply chose Will, adding...
5.) (LW #1) Rank This 3-2, 109 PPG [.169 NPRP]
STAT TIME! Of all the team in the league, through Week Four only TWO had "allowed" under 400 points: Matthew Smith and his father, David.
Dave has allowed the second fewest points in the league (i.e. Easy schedule) whilst scoring the fifth most points. In short, this is a middle-of-the-road team whose "flash in the pan" is over with. Dropping ALL the way to fifth (and almost sixth), Dave has to mount his return to stardom this week against his wife, who is on a three game losing streak.
Which Smith parent will prevail?
In the gran scheme of things, this is an excellent matchup. Our League's two newest members face off for this first time to officially determine who was the better addition. Taking into account the fact that they were almost co-owners of the same team, this makes this week all the more intriguing.
6.) (LW #5) Probation 3-2, 107.4 PPG [.166 NPRP]
A tough week for Curtis amazingly has him dropping a spot despite the win. After posting a measley 94 points in a blowout win against the Insane Clown Posse, Curtis now needs to look ahead to a matchup against his brother.
Currently boasting perhaps the strongest Smith team, Curtis now has to go against his own family in his quest for respect. I particularly like his chances this week: Matt is coming off an improbable win and one of his highest-scoring games, while Curtis had one of his worst. I see Curt making the top 5 this time next week.
7.) (LW #8) Broken Clavicles 3-2, 96.4 PPG [.149 NPRP]
Upset special. After an incredible 26 points from his tight end (who he doesn't know the name of), Matt Smith took down the salsa this week. Bear in mind, this is the same man who drafted Aaron Foster in the first round, as well as fantasy stud Ryan Matthews.
But who am I to attack Matt? He did defeat me, after all. No, I'll let the stats do it for me:
Matt has had the easiest schedule in the league thus far, "allowing" the fewest points per game with 95. While he has played good teams, three of his five opponents have had either the worst or second-worst point totals against him. Those three teams? The only teams he beat.
The average victor so far this year has scored 118 points in their win. Matt has scored 22 points fewer than the average (and never coming within 5 points of it) all season while "allowing" 24 points fewer than that average.
Weak sauce.
8.) (LW #7) Kaep Happy 2-3, 101.6 PPG [.137 NPRP]
How the mighty have fallen. With Colin Kaepernick falling into a more normalized and controlled roll within the 49er offense, Kaep Happy has suffered. The QB only rushed once this week, hurting his fantasy numbers, and I cannot see him repeating his week one numbers for some time.
Unfortunately, that means that I also don't see Cheryl putting up anything close to her week one numbers anytime soon either.
HOWEVER, when I met with the Smith family two Sundays ago, husband Dave predicted that "Melinda will splide out of contention real quick."
Currently, Melinda has been on a HUGE, lucky winning streak while Dave's wife is on the opposite end: suffering three straight losses. Has Dave cursed Cheryl out of her strong run for a playoff spot? I believe he has, and I also believe that this is the week Cheryl puts up the big numbers once again.
9.) (LW #9) Insane Clown Posse 1-4, 87.2 PPG [.101 NPRP]
Will you remember to try this week? Will you remember to check who will be playing this week and who won't? Will you remember your players' names? Will you remember your opponent? And will we remember how far you've fallen?
TIMBERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
10.) (LW #10) VERSACE VERSACE 0-5, 81.6 PPG [.079 NPRP]
On the opposite end of the stat spectrum, Corey has allowed BY FAR the most points to opposing teams. How many? 121! That's 12 more points than the second place team. I don't know if this is just bad luck or if you ran over a cat holding a mirror under a giant ladder on Friday the Thirteenth while spilling salt and steppin on cracks on your way to a fantasy draft, but Corey HAS to turn it around at some point.
He has been quoted saying that if the draft was tomorrow he would draft the same exact team, and I stand by that. I still think he has the talent, he just needs the production value.
But seriously, if things dont change soon, I'm selling this spot for ad space.
1.) (LW #3) Cobra Commanders 4-1, 113.2 PPG [.197 NPRP]
What can I say about my mom this week? First off, she is living proof that a little crush never hurt anyone. Peyton Manning is the fantasy football plague that she uses to inflict pain on her enemies.
Even when my mom loses, she wins. for the second time in the history of this league, she has gained a win thanks to a stat correction last week, only to put a thumping on fellow feminist icon Cheryl Smith. Melinda Brown is the Queen of Hearts, and she's coming for heads.
With absolutely NO regard for human life, she boasts a promising lead on the rest of the league at .197 NPRP, and she needs to have her little kingdom overthrown, but who will rise to save the land from well-written and perpetually wined darkness? Who will be the hero to save us?
2.) (LW #4) What Would Jones Drew? 3-2, 117.4 PPG [.181 NPRP]
BRINGING THE RUCKUS. Thanks to Roswell, New Mexico's lack of life/internet/joy, Sean Brown has been more focused than ever on mounting a historic comeback. And, after a three win streak, he cruises into a game with the star-crossed Corey Hewett.
Sean has systematically dismantled opponents his last few weeks, and I dont see how this matchup will be any different. I really don't know what else to say, the kid is on fire.
3.) (LW #2) Mama's Homemade Salsa 3-2, 111.6 PPG [.173 NPRP]
Long ago, there existed a kingdom where a golden power lay hidden. It was a prosperous land blessed with green forests, tall mountains, and peace. But one day, a man of great evil found the golden power and took it for himself. With its strength at his command, he spread darkness across the kingdom. But then, when all hope had died, and the hour of doom seemed at hand... a young boy clothed in green appeared as if from nowhere.
Wielding the blade of evil's bane, he sealed the dark one away and gave the land light. This boy, who traveled through time to save the land, was known as the Hero of Time. The boy's tale was passed down through generations until it became legend...
But then... a day came when a fell wind began to blow across the kingdom. The great evil that all thought had been forever sealed by the hero... once again crept forth from the depths of the earth eager to resume its dark designs under a new, brutal ruler. The people believed that the Hero of Time would again come to save them... But the hero did not appear. Faced by an onslaught of evil, the people could do nothing but appeal to the gods. In their last hours, as doom drew nigh, they left their future in the hands of fate.
What became of that kingdom? None remained who knew. The memory of the kingdom vanished, but its legend survived on the wind's breath. But the time has come when the great evil has returned in the form of a dark queen by the name of Melinda.
It is now that the Hero of Time is most needed, in the form of Nick.
Clothed in green as the legends fortold, and wielding his powerful salsa, Nick must once again overcome the top seed, as he did before with Sean the Terrible and Cheryl the not-as-terrible-but-freakishly-streaky-points-wise.
Despite Nick's greatest downfall last week to his easiest opponent, he must use his power to live up to the Legend of the SALSA.
This week I was fortunate enough to sit down with Hall-of-Fame rapper, humanitarian, and millionaire Lil B, in order to ask him his opinions on The Captain's League. Respectfully, he cut to the chase in order to address the bad blood between William Brown and Corey Hewett. He loves both competitors deeply, and suggested they "keep breathin'." And, while he refused to comment on who he thought would win the bet between the two, he did make a pick regarding the two's head-to-head matchup. He simply chose Will, adding...
"Wins on the board 'cause he look like Randy Moss."You heard the man. He likes Will this season, especially this upcoming week against bitter rival Bobby B. Vegas likes Will this week, too, initially posting him as a 24 point favorite against the Posse despite having one less player.
5.) (LW #1) Rank This 3-2, 109 PPG [.169 NPRP]
STAT TIME! Of all the team in the league, through Week Four only TWO had "allowed" under 400 points: Matthew Smith and his father, David.
Dave has allowed the second fewest points in the league (i.e. Easy schedule) whilst scoring the fifth most points. In short, this is a middle-of-the-road team whose "flash in the pan" is over with. Dropping ALL the way to fifth (and almost sixth), Dave has to mount his return to stardom this week against his wife, who is on a three game losing streak.
Which Smith parent will prevail?
In the gran scheme of things, this is an excellent matchup. Our League's two newest members face off for this first time to officially determine who was the better addition. Taking into account the fact that they were almost co-owners of the same team, this makes this week all the more intriguing.
6.) (LW #5) Probation 3-2, 107.4 PPG [.166 NPRP]
A tough week for Curtis amazingly has him dropping a spot despite the win. After posting a measley 94 points in a blowout win against the Insane Clown Posse, Curtis now needs to look ahead to a matchup against his brother.
Currently boasting perhaps the strongest Smith team, Curtis now has to go against his own family in his quest for respect. I particularly like his chances this week: Matt is coming off an improbable win and one of his highest-scoring games, while Curtis had one of his worst. I see Curt making the top 5 this time next week.
7.) (LW #8) Broken Clavicles 3-2, 96.4 PPG [.149 NPRP]
Upset special. After an incredible 26 points from his tight end (who he doesn't know the name of), Matt Smith took down the salsa this week. Bear in mind, this is the same man who drafted Aaron Foster in the first round, as well as fantasy stud Ryan Matthews.
But who am I to attack Matt? He did defeat me, after all. No, I'll let the stats do it for me:
Matt has had the easiest schedule in the league thus far, "allowing" the fewest points per game with 95. While he has played good teams, three of his five opponents have had either the worst or second-worst point totals against him. Those three teams? The only teams he beat.
The average victor so far this year has scored 118 points in their win. Matt has scored 22 points fewer than the average (and never coming within 5 points of it) all season while "allowing" 24 points fewer than that average.
Weak sauce.
8.) (LW #7) Kaep Happy 2-3, 101.6 PPG [.137 NPRP]
How the mighty have fallen. With Colin Kaepernick falling into a more normalized and controlled roll within the 49er offense, Kaep Happy has suffered. The QB only rushed once this week, hurting his fantasy numbers, and I cannot see him repeating his week one numbers for some time.
Unfortunately, that means that I also don't see Cheryl putting up anything close to her week one numbers anytime soon either.
HOWEVER, when I met with the Smith family two Sundays ago, husband Dave predicted that "Melinda will splide out of contention real quick."
Currently, Melinda has been on a HUGE, lucky winning streak while Dave's wife is on the opposite end: suffering three straight losses. Has Dave cursed Cheryl out of her strong run for a playoff spot? I believe he has, and I also believe that this is the week Cheryl puts up the big numbers once again.
9.) (LW #9) Insane Clown Posse 1-4, 87.2 PPG [.101 NPRP]
Will you remember to try this week? Will you remember to check who will be playing this week and who won't? Will you remember your players' names? Will you remember your opponent? And will we remember how far you've fallen?
TIMBERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
10.) (LW #10) VERSACE VERSACE 0-5, 81.6 PPG [.079 NPRP]
On the opposite end of the stat spectrum, Corey has allowed BY FAR the most points to opposing teams. How many? 121! That's 12 more points than the second place team. I don't know if this is just bad luck or if you ran over a cat holding a mirror under a giant ladder on Friday the Thirteenth while spilling salt and steppin on cracks on your way to a fantasy draft, but Corey HAS to turn it around at some point.
He has been quoted saying that if the draft was tomorrow he would draft the same exact team, and I stand by that. I still think he has the talent, he just needs the production value.
But seriously, if things dont change soon, I'm selling this spot for ad space.
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